A Faith Story
by kool-aidrocks2008
Summary: Faith goes to sunnydale to help with glory but while she's there she and the gang find out some interesting info. warning: femslash, Strong themes. some parts may contain child abuse or implications of child abuse
1. Beautiful Disaster

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize. Well except Damien and Michael. They are my characters. Other than that the scooby gang and the appearances from the AI crew belong to joss and his crew. **

**Summary: ok so it'll probably suck but Faith comes back to help with glory and she and the scoobs find out some interesting news. Eh that's all I got but...give it a chance and read anyway? Um I think its a song fic, its gonna have song parts and full songs but just in most chapters. Not all. So review and let me know. Please?**

Cordelia pov.

When Faith showed up at the Hyperion a few days after she turned herself in I was ready to blow a fuse. I mean she was a murderer, she tortured Wesley, tried to kill everyone I cared about and she hit me in the face. I was not going to trust that psycho. Wesley felt the same way. But with a lot of persuasion Angel convinced us to give her a chance. And you know I'm glad he did. Sure it took her saving our lives for me to finally try and get to know her but it was worth it. I learned a lot about her. I mean honestly a girl couldn't ask for a better best friend. She'd do anything for me and I know it. She knows the feeling goes both ways. That's why when she asked me to come back to sunnydale with her I was packed before she even got the question all the way out. There was no way in hell I was sending her back here alone. Over the past year or so, I've learned she's been alone for so long that she needs someone with her. It helps to know someone has your back. She was just a kid when everything happened. A scared and lonely kid. Now not to say that I'm taking the blame off of her because I'm not. She'd really hurt me if I did anyway. All I'm saying is that maybe things could have been different. Maybe she wouldn't have fallen off the deep end if we had tried harder. All of us are to blame but we were so tied up in her joining sides to see that. She was to blame and that's all that mattered. How could we have been so blind as to not see she needed help? Easy. We didn't want to. How could she had been so proud to ask for help? Same. She didn't want to let us in. she wanted us to stay at a safe distance and that's what she got. Although I'm not sure how safe it was. But that's all in the past. I've forgiven her, Angel's forgiven her, and Wes has forgiven her. She said she's going to help with this hell god Glory or whatever because she wants to start making amends with the gang. She's going to apologize and even though she knows they'll want her to leave she said she's going to stay. The girl has determination. I look over and see the girl in question. She's just so adorable when she's asleep. Like an innocent child. But I don't let that fool me. I know the truth. She's a hyper little monster. Its like she never runs out of energy! Although I must admit its kinda cute and funny when she's planning something. Like Wesley's birthday party a few months back. She was so determined to make this an unforgettable party for him. Even though there wasn't many people there. Just the basic gang. Me, her, Wes of course, Angel, Gunn, Fred, and Lorne. Kate came too. Don't really know why though. Oh well it was like a mini boot camp. No seriously. She made us all dress up for the planning and she was our 'Sergent'. Incredibly cute. They day before the party she kicked Wes out of the hotel and made us all come down for our orders:

_all of us poured into the lobby of the Hyperion in our basic sweat pants t-shirt attire. Faith come into the room in another t-shirt she no doubt took from Angel with her water gun ready. _

"_Alright troops," she started. "The party is in exactly..." she made a show of looking at her watch less wrist. "Tomorrow. Today we have to go and get our outfits, party supplies, and the a whole bunch of other stuff for the party. Now, Fred and Gunn, you two will be with Cordelia. The mall is having a sell." she said only to be cut off by Angel._

"_Faith I know you've trained them but do you think they're ready for that kind of battle?" he asked. She got in his face and sprayed him with water from her 'discipline gun'. _

"_Are you questioning my authority maggot?" she asked. Fred was trying to stifle a giggle but it didn't work. Faith didn't even look from Angel when she sprayed her._

"_No captain." Angel said. _

"_Good. I think the tadpoles are ready for the field training. Don't you?" she asked me. I nodded._

"_Ma'am yes ma'am." she nodded at me._

"_Now, Cordy's team are in charge of outfits. Angel you are working with me to put up decorations. Kate and Lorne you two are in charge of getting the decorations. Party city is having a sell this week too." she issued the orders. _

"_Ma'am who is going to get him out of the hotel tomorrow?" Gunn asked. Faith used her water gun to scratch her chin while thinking. _

"_Any volunteers?"she asked. Fred and I both raised our hands._

"_We'll do it!" we said. _

"_Great! Kate it is then!" she said. _

"_But-" I started but got sprayed in the face. _

"_Respect my authority!" she said. _

"_Ma'am yes ma'am." I said. _

"_Any other questions?" she asked. Everyone shook their heads to indicate no. "Alright troops. Move out. Move it move it move it!" and just like that we we're off. The party was fantastic and Wes loved it. Actually said it was the best he'd ever had. _

But now we're going back so she'll have a chance to make everything up. She wants to make things right. That's what matters the most. Who knows maybe she'll even open up to them. Then they'll understand things. I reach over and turn the cd player on and Jon McLaughlin fills the speakers. She really does have an interesting cd collection. I know its hers because one I don't have this cd yet and two she's the only other person who's driven my car lately.

She loves her momma's lemonade  
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make  
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her  
She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments  
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough  
The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her  
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster  
She just needs someone to take her home

She's giving boys what they want  
Tries to act so nonchalant  
Afraid to see that she's lost her direction  
She never stays the same for long  
Assuming that she'll get it wrong  
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen  
She doesn't wanna feel this way  
Only 17 and tired, yeah

She would change everything for happy ever after  
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster  
She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is  
But no one's told her that's OK

She would change everything, everything, just ask her  
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She would change everything for happy ever after  
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster  
She just needs someone to take her home  
She just needs someone to take her home

and I really do think that's what she is. A beautiful disaster. You may not believe this but this young girl has extremely low self esteem. But we'll save that for later. I look over when I hear her groan.

"My head hurts so we must be outside of sunnyhell." she says with a yawn.

"Yep. Its not to late to turn back you know." I tell her. She just smiles at me.

"Thanks Cordy, but I need ta do this. If I don't, I'll never be able to move on." she says. I know but I just don't want her hurt.

"Ok. If you insist." I say.

"Actually I insist we stop and eat somethin. Gunn didn't feed me." she says. I can't help but laugh at the small pout she's wearing.

"Alright. Do you know if Angel already has the mansion set up or not?" I ask she nods.

"Yep. He said it was finished up yesterday so we're all set." she says then after a few minutes. "Hey C?" I look over at her before pulling into a diner.

"Yeah?" on our way in she stops and gives me a hug. This is shocking because she doesn't hug. The only other person she's hugged was Angel but that wasn't even a hug because she was sobbing begging him to kill her.

"Thanks." she says when she lets go. Oh yeah. I really do think she's a beautiful disaster. But she's my beautiful disaster and the whole AI team would agree. Yep. She's our very own slayer.

I don't own the song. It is Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin. So do you think I should continue? Review and let me know please.


	2. Goodbye Apathy

**Now to all my fantabulous reviewers, as much as I love a good Faith/Cordelia fic, this is not one. Sorry for those, if any, who were hoping for a little Fordy. **

Faith pov.

I gotta say openin up to Cordelia was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. She was like real attentive or whatever and she like actually listened to what I had to say! Only other person who did that was Richard but he's dead. It was one night when I was...when I was cuttin myself. Now I know what you're thinkin... what ever it is, is it really bad enough to do that? Well it was more of a release. A way to feel. Yeah yeah irresponsible. Mostly for not lockin the door. I still remember her face when she saw me take the knife to my thigh.

_Cordelia burst into my room. _

"_Hey, rogue Angel sa- oh my god Faith! What the hell are you doing?!"she was borderline hysterical and at first I hadn't noticed her. I hurried up and pulled my sheet over my legs and hid the knife._

"_Nothin." I said sharply. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I ask slightly pissed. _

"_No. and now I'm glad I haven't. How long has this been going on?" she asked shutting the door and sitting close to me. _

"_Nothin is goin on Cordelia." I said. I know I shouldn't try to lie but I do from time to time. _

"_Bullshit." she spat. She yanked the sheets back and boy were they bloody. "This," she said pointing down. "Is not nothing. Faith talk to me." she said gently. I was trying real hard to remain apathetic. But she was breakin through. _

"_Why the fuck do you care?" I ask angrily. "If you must know its been goin on since I was in sunnydale. Feel better now that you know not only am I a psychotic murdering slut but I also like to hurt myself? Make you feel better to finally have confirmation you're better than me?" I asked. I know I shouldn't have bitched at her but I couldn't help it. I hopped up off the bed and she followed. She drug me, and I do mean drug, you ever seen Cordy mad? Din think so so don't be sayin I coulda easily got outta that an shit. She drug me into the bathroom and flicked the light switch on. _

"_Sit." she said pointing towards the toilet. I raised an eyebrow. "Does this look like a game? Sit your ass down so I can clean these up." she says pointin to the lines across my thigh. _

"_Don't worry bout em C. S'all 5x5, it'll clear by mornin." I said with a shrug. She wasn't lettin go though. _

"_Too late. I'm worried now sit your ass down or I'll tie you." she said and I knew she was bein real. _

"_Can...can we not do it in the bathroom? Please? Can we just use the bed?" she asked why but I didn't answer. _

After that she cleaned the cuts and asked me what was goin on. I told her everything. Bout my past, nightmares that leave me numb. I told her bout some'a my fears and she didn't laugh like I expected. She just nodded and listened. Over time I started to warm up to her. Soon I went to her with whatever. When I decided to re-enroll in high school since I was still a minor and a senior anyway, she was like the mom/big sister. She drove me to and from school, she asked bout my day, helped with shit I didn't understand. Did every fuckin thing. Even supported me when I was in the school musical. Yeah shut the hell up. I like musicals. What ya wanna do bout it? Good. But there's still somethin I haven't told her about. Sometimes I'm a little bit of my old self around her. The one who doesn't feel. Not cus I didn't know how, but cus I was scared. But I'm ready to let go of that fear. She gave me a little lecture on family one time. Bout how they look out for each other and protect one another. Felt like I was four or somethin but she made me comfortable at the same time. That's when I realized the AI team is my family. Wes is like the dad. Cordy's like...well I don't know yet. Angel and Gunn are the big brothers who'll snap ya neck if you look the wrong way at one of us. Fred is...hell don't know about her either. Lorne is that gossipin next door neighbor who you've known since the beginning of time but they never seem to get older. And they're like 100 at when your 12 but when you turn thirty they seem like they're 80. but I love them do bits. They are the first real fam ever so I gotta cherish that. No matter what. But with Cor, I'm ready to drop another layer. I'm ready to allow myself to feel round her cus I'm only human.

"Hey C?" she looks up from her salad.

I can't sleep now, no, not like I used to  
I can't breathe in and out like I need to  
It's breaking ice.. now, to make any movement  
What's your vice? you know that mines the illusion

"Yes?" she answers me.

And all at once (as i'm trying) I can help you out  
(just to keep things right)  
I'll be what you need (I kill myself to make everything perfect for ya)  
Goodbye apathy, so long apathy

"Ya remember that night when you caught me cuttin on myself?" she never told anybody about that and I am more than grateful.

So don't sit still, don't you move away from here  
So goodbye apathy (as i'm trying), so long fancy free  
(just to keep things right)  
Goodbye apathy, (kill myself to make everything perfect for ya)  
I don't wanna be you

"Yeah. I do." she says softly. I squirm a little. Sorta uncomfortable.

"Can we go outside for this?" I ask. She nods and throws a few bills down. We go outside and I take a deep breath.

I don't walk right, not like I used to  
There's a jump in my step as I rush to see you  
I could be happy here as long as you're near to me  
As long as you're close to me  
Now that I'm alright (as i'm trying) I can help you  
out (just to keep things right)  
I'll be what you need (I kill myself to make everything perfect for ya)  
Goodbye apathy, goodbye apathy

"Y'know how I didn't wanna let you clean my cuts in the bathroom?" she nods so I continue. "I'm...i'm claustrophobic." I say.

"That's ok sweetie." I shake my head.

So don't you stop pushing me, I can take so much  
So goodbye apathy (as i'm trying), so long fancy free  
(just to keep things right)  
Goodbye apathy, (kill myself to make everything perfect for ya)  
I don't wanna be... you...

Everybody is watching you, everybody is watching me too ...

"Its ok you can tell me anything." she says in that gentle voice.

"When was little sometimes ma and dad didn't feel good just beatin the shit outta me. Sometimes they...they'd lock me in a small toy chest or somewhere really compact and I'd have to stay there until they remember to let me out. One time I was a very small...too small trunk for four days. No water, no food, no bathroom. Just the dark and silence. And those 'four walls' holding me in. I felt like I was going to suffocate but thank god I didn't. Another time...we had this real small bathroom. Like a janitors closet but slightly bigger. Well ma got pissed at me bout the teachers callin home so she threw me in it. I figured hey its all good. But then I realized it didn't have windows. After a day she poured 32oz of ammonia into a bucket and put it in there. It was hell. I really don't know how I survived but I did. Ever since those days I've been terrified to either be in small space or hugged to long. The size of the bathroom was bad enough but it woulda been both of us in it ya know?" I look and she has tears in her eyes. Fuck I do too.

"Its more than that though isn't it?" she asks. She knows me pretty fuckin well to know when I'm holdin back.

"Nothin to big," I pull a shaky breath. "Just sometimes she's lock me in a room with my dad while he beat the livin dog shit outta me. Then other times she locked me in my room with the dog. An untamed pit. You don't put a fucking 5 year old in a room with an untamed unfamiliar pit!" I say and start sobbing.

"How old were you when the bathroom thing happened?" she asks.

"Eight! I was eight fucking years old Cordelia! No child, even me deserves that shit! I didn't ask to be there! I didn't wanna be there..." I sob out and she just pulls me to her. She doesn't fully hug me but she does partially. I don't feel so trapped. She's sayin some soothin words to calm me.

"Shh...its ok Faith...you're safe now...i'm not gonna let anything hurt you...i promise." she says.

"Don't make promises you can't keep C. life is full of a lot of stuff and hurt is part of it." I tell her. She gets this determined look.

"I don't intend on breaking this. I swear to you Faith, I'm going to do whatever I can to protect you. From anything." she says.

"Thanks." I say. She smiles.

"What did I tell you family is for? Real family?" she asks. I nod. We make our way back to the car and prepare for the real pain to start. She knows she can't protect me from them but oddly I don't think its gonna stop her from tryin.

Again another song I don't own. This is by that wonderful group onerepublic. Its called goodbye apathy. Just felt right. Anyway, if you've read the book 'a child called it' you'll notice the similar reference in this chapter. I'm pointing this out because it is sensitive subject matter and I don't want anyone offended. 


	3. Broken

Faith pov.

After me and Cordy had our little talk we decided to go ahead to the magic shop. But she didn't feel too well. Actually she fells like shit. Course I opted to stay and take care'a her but she said I needed this. And she's right. The sooner I go and get this over with the sooner I can start. Ya know I'm a lot afraid. Scared they might wanna maim me or some shit. That they might wanna just fuckin off me. I'm not ready to die. Not yet. I'm on my way there now. No matter how scared I am I gotta do this. I walk in and the silence that falls upon the place is enough to make me wanna leave

_I cannot take this anymore_

_saying everything I said before_

_all these words they make no sense_

_I find bliss in ignorance_

_less I hear_

_less you say_

_you'll find that out anyway_

Red is the first one to act.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" she yells.

"Yeah Faith you aren't wanted." beefstick says.

_Just like before_

_everything you say to me_

_(takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break)_

_I need a little room to breath_

_(cus I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break)_

"I know but I'm here to say I'm sorry. I am so so sorry for what I did to you guys. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I swear I want to make it up." I tell them. Tara sees me. "Tara I'm personally sorry to you. I said some fucked up shit to ya and I'm sorry." I say. She looks at me for a moment.

"I forgive you. It was the past." she says. God I am so grateful to hear those words.

"And just how do you plan on making this up to us?" Xander asks.

_I find the answers aren't so clear_

_wish I could find a way to disappear_

_all these thoughts they make no sense_

_I find bliss in ignorance _

_nothing seems to go away_

_over and over again_

_just like before..._

"I wanna help with this hell god. Glory or whatever. Just I know you can use all the help you can get so let me help you." I plead.

"No." Red says then she puts some kinda mojo on me. I can't move.

"I'm putting you in the closet." B says.

"No! Please god no. don't...don't put me in there." she looks at me cold and hard.

"Why should I do anything for you? All you've ever done is hurt me." B says. God please let somebody stop this. I'll do anything.

"Just please don't...please?" I'm practically in tears.

"I'll help you Buffy."Riley says.

"Will put a sound proofing spell on the door." she says. Fuck. I start sobbing.

"Buff, maybe we should just leave her out. She's fine out here." Xander says. Thank goodness for x-man.

"I don't trust her."

_everything you say to me_

_(Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break) _

_I need a little room to breath_

_(Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break)_

"I do. I think she's sorry and wants to help. Lets just...lets just keep her out here." Xander tries to plead my case.

"I agree with Xander. Lets keep her out of the closet. She seems afraid." Some blond familiar lookin chick says. God I love them.

"Yeah Buffy. L-lets let her stay." Tara says. Please please please let me stay.

"What's wrong Faith? Afraid of the dark?" Buffy says in a baby voice. I'm not gonna say nothin. She grabs me by the arm and starts pullin but I resist as much as possible.

"Why can't you just put me in the training room?" I ask.

"Because there is a back door. Now shut the fuck up." she says. Somebody please stop this. Too late. I'm in here. And its dark. Fuck. Don't panic. Don't panic. Ok I'm panicking. Breath Faith. You can do this. You can do this. _You little shit you ruined my life._ I can hear my mom say. _C'mon Faithy. Don't you love daddy? _God make it stop. By now I'm sobbing uncontrollably. _Shut the fuck u you little bitch!_

_Shut up when I'm talking to you  
Shut up, shut up, shut up  
Shut up when I'm talking to you  
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up_

I'm about to BREAK_  
_

_everything that you say to me_

_(takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break)_

_I need a little room to breath _

_(cus I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break)_

I can hear them. My mom and dad. All those times they put me away. I tried to do better but they just hated me. I couldn't make them stop. _I hope you die._ But no matter what I loved them. Cus they were mom and dad. Eventually I didn't have a dad though. _You disgust me. You're not my daughter. _And mom kicked me out. _Get the fuck out! Leave you piece of shit! I never want to see you again. _But I was young. I was only 10. but that's ok. Cus I'm ok now. I don't feel it any more. I don't feel nothin right now.

Cordelia pov.

I can't help but feel something is wrong. Faith has been gone for over an hour and I feel a little better. Not much but a little. I talked to Angel. He and the team will be here tomorrow. I know that'll cheer Faith up. hm. Maybe I should go to the magic shop.

I get there within 10 minutes and I know something is wrong.

"Hi Cordelia. What are you doing here?" Willow asks. I glance around.

"Where is Faith?" I ask. I don't have time for pleasantries.

"Why?" Buffy asks.

"Because I came with her to help. Where is she?" I ask impatiently.

"Buffy and Riley put her in the closet in the back." oh god.

"You what?! How big is the closet?!" I ask loudly. They have fucked up big time. "No fuck the size how long has she been back there?" I say a little more calmly.

"About 45 minutes. Why?" Buffy again. I swear I want to fucking kill them.

"I'm going to ignore the urge I have to kill you and let her out." I growl out.

"Whats the big fucking deal?" Riley asks.

"She's fucking claustrophobic!" I yell. They all get silent before Willow snorts.

"But she's a slayer. She shouldn't be afraid of small spaces." Willow says.

"No you stupid bitch, she's an eighteen year old girl who had a fucked up child hood and a fear of small spaces." I say walking to the back. I open the closet door and she's...i think she's broken. I kneel down and she doesn't even look at me. She just keeps staring ahead. Its almost like I'm not here. I turn and look at Buffy and the rest of the gang.

"I told you it would be a good idea to leave her out." Xander says. No fucking kidding.

Don't ya hate the scoobs sometimes. But you know I don't own the song its one step closer by linkin park. So review please.


	4. Shadow

No pov.

Cordelia was staring intently at the young slayer in front of her. She turned to glare at Buffy and the others one las time before turning back to Faith.

Cordelia pov.

Is this what it feels like to be a big sister? To want to hurt the people who hurt her? To want to kill her father and if she were alive her mother? Yes? Well then I guess its official. They've hurt Faith and they are on my dislike list. Actually they are on my dislike with a strong passion list. I turn back to them angrily.

"You had better hope and pray she is alright because if she isn't I will kill you." I say in a low deadly voice. They look down ashamed. All except for Tara, Anya, and Xander. From what I hear they are the only ones who tried to help her. To them I am more than grateful because they at least tried. Giles just sat back and let this happen. Willow instigated it. And Buffy and Riley are the ones who did it. But they don't matter.

"Faith?" I say turning back to her. Still no answer. I know better than to try and go in there but I can just hope she's ok.

Faith pov.

I'm sittin here not movin. The only movement I'm makin is breathin. I'm not even blinkin. S'all right though. I'm thinkin. Bout everythin. The past, my ex watcher, my possible future, the family I have. Its all alright. It wasn't before but it will be. Right now I remember all the jabs that I got over the years.

_'Faith you should be more like Buffy summers.' _my watcher used to say.

All the days collided  
One less perfect than the next  
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best  
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize  
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity

_'Faith you'll never be good enough for more than the projects. You'll always be a whore like that mother of yours.' _my god brother used to say.

So if you're listening

There's so much more to me you haven't seen

Living in the shadow

Of someone else's dream

_'You don't get it you killed a man!' B said._

_'you must understand, you have committed a crime that must be dealt with accordingly. I can not and will not help you and neither can the others. You must handle this on your own.' Giles said when I went to him._

Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me  
Living in a nightmare  
A never-ending sleep  
But now that I am wide awake  
Then I can finally see  
Don't feel sorry for me

_'Faith you killed somebody?! What the hell?! Dude you gotta turn yourself in and hope dad doesn't find out.' my sister said when I called her for advice. _

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother  
Every thing's cool now  
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother  
Every thing's cool now

_'I've been lookin for you for years. Are you ok? What happened?' my brother asked before I broke down. 'shh its ok, I'm here now.' he soothed me._

_'too late I'm worried. Talk to me' Cordy said that night so many months ago. 'like it or not we're family. You're stuck with us so get used to it.' she said a few weeks ago. _

Oh, my life is good  
I've got more than anyone should  
Oh, my life is good  
And the past is in the past

_'it'll be hard but it'll be worth it.' Angel said before I left._

_'Buffy will always be better than you.' I remember Riley sayin one time._

I was living in the shadow  
Of someone else's dream  
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me  
I'm living in a new day  
I'm living it for me  
And now that I am wide awake  
Then I can finally see  
So don't feel sorry for me  
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me

but that's ok. I'm finally realizin what Cordy's been tryin'a tell me. I'm me and that makes me good enough. Not second best.

"I will not calm down! She isn't responding to anything! You've fucked this up and I sw-" I cut Cordy off.

"C. Don't. I'm fine." I say lookin up. She turns around with pure relief on her face.

"Faith! Oh my goodness. Are you ok sweetie?" she asks kneelin down in fron'a me again. I saw her the first time.

"Yeah Queenie I'm 5x5." I say getting up steppin outta the closet. She moves back and looks at me. I know what she wants and I can't help but smile at the way she's real respectful of my personal space. I reach out and give her a hug. "We'll talk later." I whisper in her ear. She nods and lets me go. She was sqeezin me real tightly and surprisingly I didn't feel suffocated.

"Faith, look I'm sorry I didn't know you had such a 'major fear' please accept my sincerest apologies." Red says and I can hear the sarcasm in her voice. I feel Cordy tense up and I have to stop her.

"No worries Red. S'all 5x5." I say.

"Fa-" C starts.

"Don't C. leave it as is." she don't wanna but she does. We hear someone come in.

"Hey guys what ar- ohmigawd Faith! Hey!" Dawn squeals. She runs towards me and it takes everythin in my power not to tense up and scare her. She gives me a brief hug, cus one time I told her I didn't like hugs.

"Hey D." I say.

"I missed you so much Faith. Are you back for good? Where are you staying? Is she your girlfriend?" she asks the questions quickly.

"Missed ya too, no I'm not back for good, I'm stayin at Fang's old mansion, and no she's not my girlfriend she's my best friend." I say. She nods.

"Hey I'm Dawn, her first bestest friend." she says. Aint she too cute. Cordelia just smiles.

"Well it is an honor to meet the first best friend." she says shakin Dawn's hand.

"So anyway we need to start discussin what's goin on." I say.

"Fine." B says walkin back into the main part of the shop. The rest of us follow behind shortly.

"So, what's been goin on so far?" I ask sittin down with Cordy standin behind my chair and Dawn sittin beside me.

"Glory whirled in wantin some kind of key. We don't know what it is or where it is." she says.

"She's a hell god. This key is supposed to open a portal to get her home. She's mega powerful and she could beat a slayer with her eyes closed. Blond, bad perm, 5 foot 5 or somethin, true form is butt ugly and she's persistent." I add in.

"How do you know all of this?" B asks. I think.

"Um...honestly I don't know."say. Now that I think about it I really don't know how I know. Just do.

"Alright. So Faith tonight you'll patrol and see if you can get information out of some vampires." B says. I start lookin around tryin to figure out who this Faith is she's tellin what to do.

"Since when?" I ask.

"Since Buffy said so." Giles says.

"Oh well no I'm not." I say.

"Faith, you must understand that if you are going to be working with us you are needed to follow orders." Giles says.

"And you gotta understand, I'm not patrolling tonight." I say.

"Why not?" Riley asks.

"Got things ta do." I say with a shrug.

"What could be more important than doing what you're needed to do?" B asks.

"History paper I have to work on. I gotta get started on research tonight and I'll start researchin glory too." I say.

"History paper?" Giles asks.

"Yeah I'm at UCLA studying culinary arts and history." I say. They look shocked.

"You went back to school?" Dawn asks.

"Yep." I say proudly. She beams at me.

"Congratulations Faith." Xander says.

"Thanks x-man." he offers me a small smile.

"You can't have him. Xander is my boyfriend." That Anya chick says. I smirk.

"Trust me he isn't my type." I say.

"Good." she says.

"So does ms. Summers know about what's going on?" I ask.

"No. why would she need to know?" beefstick asks.

"Cus you said so yourself you don't know what the key is, I think she should be on guard just like the rest of us." I say.

"Nobody asked what you thought." Red says icily.

"Don't mean I'm gonna keep my opinions to myself. I'm in this like the rest of you and I'm not gonna sit back and take orders. I'm givin my opinions just like you do." I say back just as coldly.

"You should just take orders like you're good at. You're not the slayer, you're back up. You need to accept that." beefstick.

"No I'm not. I'm not gonna sit back and be a shadow anymore. If you wanna be technical about things Buffy aint the slayer. She lost that title when she stopped breathin bout four years ago. If she dies nobody else will be called. When I die they will which makes me THE slayer. I'm no better than her just like she aint no better than me. We're all equal in this. All of us, includin Joyce and Dawn deserve to know what's goin on so they can protect themselves better. Now you need to shut the fuck up and accept that. Speakin of people deservin to know the truth, Cordelia isn't there somethin they need to know." I say. She looks at me like somebody stole her puppy.

"Bu-" she starts.

"No. tell them." I say. She sighs.

"Alright. So I had this vision that Buffy died, I'm not sure how but she did and then it jumped to her being brought back to life. When she was brought back a major evil with her. Now as much as it pains me to say this, it wasn't Buffy's fault. It was willow's. Wait that doesn't pain me. Anyway, Faith is needed to keep that from happening." she says.

"You had a vision?" Red asks incredulously.

"That sounds a hell of a lot like what I said." cor says.

"Wow." Dawn says.

"Yeah. Anything else?" I ask.

"No that's it." Buffy says.

"Good. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I say getting up. Cordy and Dawn get up with me.

"Faith wait!" I hear. I turn and see Tara, Xander and Anya rushin towards us.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"I never properly introduced you too." he says motionin towards Anya.

"Ok." I say.

"Faith this is Anya. Anya this is Faith the other slayer." he says. "Oh! Wait! I didn't mean it like that. I-" he starts.

"Its ok X. nice to meet ya." I say shakin her hand. When our hands touch I start to see flashes I don't remember ever happenin.

-me runnin to a man I don't recognize callin him daddy.

-me playin with a puppy I never had.

-my brother laughin while chasin me around as a little kid.

-'daddy' tellin me one day this was goin ta be mine one day. I look around and it looks like some kinda castle or somethin.

-somebody takin me from my daddy's arms.

-me bein born.

I pull back and gasp. She does too. She looks at me and shakes her head.

"You're Michael's daughter." she says. I shake my head.

"No my daddy's name is Alejandro." she shakes her head.

"No. no I know you, you're Damian's sister." I nod.

"Y-yeah that's my big brother. On my dad's side." she looks at me.

"Oh my goodness. You're Satan's daughter." she says. Ya know for some reason everything goes dark.

Cordelia pov.

Satan's daughter? What the hell? Faith can't be- oh crap she fainted.

"What are you talking about?" I ask that Anya chick.

"She's his daughter. I didn't mean to scare her." she says. She seems sincere.

"I-Its ok. Just...somebody help me get her to the mansion." I say. Xander picks her up and carries her the whole way. "Here put her in my room." I say.

"Will she be ok?" Tara asks. I nod.

"Yes. She just needs a little sleep. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow." I say. They say their good nights and leave. I lay down beside her, careful not to smother her. I lay there awake for a while. Right before I drift off to sleep I feel her curl up to my side. I drift off to sleep wonderin what the hell this means for her.

Ok so I'm pretty sure I read another story where Faith was Satan's daughter. I'm not sure where and if you're the author please let me know so I can give you credit. Well now you know why Anya and Faith look so familiar to each other. Review please and let me know what you think. the song is Shadow by Ashlee Simpson


	5. Thoughts And Conversations

Faith pov.

I had to get out. Cordy wasn't smotherin me or nothin. Hell she was barely touchin me but I needed fresh air. Just got a lot on my mind. Obviously I haven't been researchin shit but oddly it don't matter to me right now. Its just...i just found out that my family I remember aint even my family. I mean shit! I went through all that shit cus somebody took me away from my real family. Oh and the icing on the cake? I'm the devil's child. Well aint that just fine and fuckin dandy?! No really it is! I mean if it aint one thing its another. But who ever took me away why didn't they put me with a normal family? They put me with parents who hated each other. I mean...fuck! Nobody really knows how deep the hatred in my house went when I was little. It was more than my dad getting my mom pregnant. It was more than my mom marryin a man she would never love. On the contrary actually. She tried to get him arrested for rapin her. Problem was, there was a video tape in the bathroom that showed it was consensual in every sense of the word. Only reason she did that though was cus she knew her family would flip. Ya see my dad was bi racial and her parents were racist. Stupid as fuck I know! Mom was a mean bitch to him. Claim she didn't know he was only half white. He claims she knew from the beginnin. I don't see what the big deal was though. I mean so what he was half Hispanic and half Irish? Dad was...is a good man deep down. I know he is. And I'm gonna be completely honest, I'm proud of my heritage. Both sides. Mom was...English? British? French? Hell I know she was European. She had a great complexion. All around when she wasn't pissy drunk or high she was a beautiful woman. Dad was like...i don't know how to describe him but handsome. But you probably figured that out. Anyway off topic, when my grandparents found out about my dad they blew up. Disowned my mom and me. Told her not to use the family last name ever again. Like it was so special anyway. Smith. Glad she did give me dad's last name. Faith Lehane sounds so much more like me. Anyway after that she hated my dad more. Hated me too. I mean not only did this dude get her pregnant at 15 but he caused her family to disown her. And gave her a baby she'd never be proud of. He hated her cus this crazy bitch told him she was 18, tried to get him arrested for rape(not statutory), and then tried to get her brother to beat his ass in. But while he hated her he loved her. My parents were fucked up people. Do I blame them for how I turned out? no. I blame me. I didn't have to be bitter. Didn't have to only dwell on the bad shit. I have some good memories. Like when I was 3, my dad woke me up early on my birthday and took me out and we built a snowman. After that we went to the park and when we got home he introduced me to my baby sister. And that night me, him, mom, Kennedy, and her mom all sat out and watched the stars. No way Kennedy would remember though she was like 11 months. Another time I was like 9 or somethin and one day outta the blue my mom got up and told me to get dressed. She dressed up herself and we went to the zoo and had a girls day out. Mother daughter bonding time. That day she didn't hate me. Why am I talkin bout all this shit? Cus none of it was supposed to happen to me. I'm not supposed to have these memories. The good or the bad. It wasn't my life. I was taken from my real dad and I have absolutely no idea who my real mom is. I mean my mom is my mom cus she had me but I was born before then and moved to...fuck I'm confusin myself! Right now I got a hella questions but nobody who can answer them. I mean if I'm the devil's child does that make me evil? Does it mean I was gonna be a crazy bitch no matter what? di- what the hell was that? I move into the defensive waitin for whatever to attack. Oh its just B.

"Thought you weren't going to patrol tonight." she says. I just look at her.

"I'm not patrolling I'm getting some fresh air." I say with a shrug.

"Oh." she says and I nod. I start to walk off. "Faith?" she calls before I get too far.

"Yeah?" I call back.

"Thanks." she says.

"Don't mention it." I know what she's talkin bout. She's thankin me for helpin. But she shouldn't mention it. I'm evil. Nothin is gonna change that.

"Mind if I walk with you?" she asks. I shrug and she catches up. We fall into step. She's just followin me. Before I know it we're in front of Alan Finch's grave. I kneel in front of it. If I'm really evil why do I feel regret? Why have I tried so hard to prove I'm good? What difference does it make? I get up and slam my fist into the tree I didn't realize was here.

"Faith are you ok?" B asks. Am I ok? no.

"No B I'm not." I say. She shifts.

"Do you...do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

"There's nothin to talk about Buffy." I say. I hear the sadness in my own voice.

_I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter...  
I had to fall, to loose it all...  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter... _

"So you just abuse trees for no reason?" she asks with a raised eyebrow. I blow up.

"Its all I'm capable of! I can't do anything good! I'm not good and I never will be!" I yell.

_One thing, I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind  
I designed this rhyme  
To remind myself  
How I tried so hard..._

"Faith what are you talking about? I spoke to Angel, he says you've changed." she says. I let out a bitter laugh.

"So what?! Does that really change your opinion of me? Guess what B, you're right. I'm evil, bad, never gonna change. Aint that what you said to my form when I was in a coma?" I say. I heard everythin.

_Despite the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far  
Things arent the way they were before _

I tried like hell. In the beginning I was told to do never asked. Like some kinda dog or some shit. But I deserve it.

"I'm sorry Faith." she says.

"You don't know what I did there. Here! I've done some shit that went unnoticed. I've tried like hell to be good."

_You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end...  
_

I'm tired of the good shit I do stayin hidden. I want everybody to know what I've done.

"Faith, the only time you did good was when we told you too. Other than that you were too busy being carefree sleeping with everyone." she says.

"Yeah cus I'm a dog to follow orders. You don't know me Buffy! When you were wrapped up in your drama you didn't see anythin that didn't pertain to you. All that shit you think I did? You'd be amazed." I say. "Thing is though, none of the good shit matters." I say lookin down. Nobody knows shit I've done to keep them safe.

_You kept everything inside  
And even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it meant to be, will  
Eventually, be a memory of a time _

Giles knew I was here before they even met me. All those nights they were at the bronze before then, I was out fightin demons to make sure their much deserved fun wasn't interrupted.

_When I tried so hard,  
And got so far,  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter  
I had to fall, to loose it all  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter _

"Why doesn't it matter?" she asks.

"Cus no matter how much I ignore it I'm evil at heart. Can't escape it but I can't embrace it either." I tell her. I think Giles knew about me. Just the way he acted sometimes. He knew shit but I wasn't privileged to know. I bet they don't even know he got his job back with the council with my help. Hell they probably don't even know he's back with the council. I told him some shit and he said he'd never judge me but he did.

_Ive put my trust in you  
Pushed as far, as I can go  
For all this  
Theres only one thing you should know_

_Ive put my trust, in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
Theres only one thing you should know... _

guess I need to be more careful.

"I don't really think you're evil." she says. I look at her eyes.

"Even if the devil himself is my father?" I ask. She looks shocked.

"What are you talking about?" she asks.

"I mean, the man I thought was my dad isn't my dad. I don't really get it but...do you really think I **can **be good. Sure I **want **to be but that's different." I say.

_I tried so hard,  
And got so far,  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter  
I had to fall, to loose it all,  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter _

she don't know what to say. I can tell. I give her a sad smile and walk away back to the mansion.

* * *

When I get there Cordelia is puttin on some cloths.

"Goin somewhere C?" I asks. She turns to me.

"Faith! Where were you I was worried?!" she asks.

"Went for a walk." I say shruggin.

"Next time leave a note!" she scolds me.

"Didn't know ya still cared." I say. She gives me a look and I know its comin.

"Sit." and its here. I sigh and sit on her bed. "Faith of course I still care. Even though your parents aren't the people you knew you're still you. I'm sure that the whole team would agree. Nothing will ever change how much I care Faith." she says.

_You make it easier to be  
Easier to be me  
It's hard to believe  
You make it easy _

I sigh. "Cor you're just settin yourself up for disappointment." I say. She shakes her head.

"I don't think I am." she says.

"Well I know you are." I say.

"Is your name Faith Amanda Lehane?" she asks.

"Duh." I say.

"Wasn't that the same name you had before?" she asks.

_It felt like the world  
Fell from my feet  
Gave up on myself  
You didn't give up on me  
Let myself go  
You were still there  
Like coming home  
Coming up for air  
Yeah Yeah  
_

"Yeah what's your point." I ask. She smiles.

"Well it seems to me that you're the same person I've known in LA." she says.

"You don't get it I-" she cuts me off.

"No you don't get it. You're worrying too much. You are you no matter what. If you don't believe me ask the crew when they get here tomorrow." she says. I can't help but smile at her.

_You make it easier to be  
Easier to be me  
It's hard to believe  
You make it easy  
Easier to be  
To be me_

"Thanks Cor." I say. She smiles.

"Anytime. And the next time you leave without tellin me I will hunt you down and beat you myself." she says.

"I **am** an adult you know." I say. She looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Your point?" she asks.

"Got ya." I say. "Hey C?" I call before leavin the room.

"Hmm?" she answers.

"Love ya." I say.

"I love you too. Goodnight." she replies with a warm smile.

"Night."

don't you just love Cordelia? Anyway this was just about Faith's internal battle after the news. The songs are In The End by linkin park and Easier to Be by lifehouse. Soo...can I get some reviews? Thanks.

* * *

real quickly let me just say. i've got this question alot. This is not a Cordelia/Faith fic. this is definately a Buffy/Faith fic. just gimme a little more time to start to develop their relationship. thanks for readin.


	6. Daytime Slumber Party

Buffy pov.

Last night Faith just seemed so...afraid. Like she really believed everything she was saying. I mean how can she believe that if even Tara thinks she's good? I know I said to myself I'd never forgive her but after the talk I had with Dawn, Anya, Xander and Tara last night I think I can. They made a valid point. If she wanted us dead she'd just do it already. She wouldn't have let us know she were back. And I can see the change. Its her eyes. They are far more expressive than before. They say I just didn't pay attention but I did. I paid plenty of attention. I reached out and tried to help her but she didn't want it. Everyone knows if you force something you just hurt the other person in the long run. Now her eyes say so much. They say she's scared, she's sorry, she's tired. Of what I don't know but she's tired. And now she's voicing her opinions. She said that before we always treated her like a back up. That is far from the truth. We only included her in things she could handle. And some meetings just weren't meant for her to attend. I mean she made us sound like the bad guys. Can you believe her? I mean we were her friends. Ugh. I don't need to stress myself thinking about her right now. She's back to help and I'm going to try and forgive her. I'm making no promises because a part of me knows she doesn't deserve it. But whatever forgiveness is the right thing to do and all that.

* * *

Faith pov.

I know I don't deserve their forgiveness and to be honest I don't want it anymore. At first I thought I needed it as proof. Proof that I was capable of more than causing pain. Capable of making up stories about sleepin with every guy I met cus I know that those stories are far from the truth.

_Do you think you can find it?  
Do you think you can find it?  
Do you think you can find it?  
Better than you had it  
Do you think you can find it?  
Do you think you can find it?  
Do you think you can find it?  
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)_

I got everythin I'll ever need. When this is over I got a home and a life I can go back too. I'm a college student, straight A I might add, I've got friends, sharin an apartment with a kick ass chick, and if I wanted it I could find somebody to love that'll love me. I don't need them to forgive me to feel better. Although I must admit I do love hangin out with Dawn. I'm more than glad that she doesn't hate me. But outside of everything else I'm good.

_I said I all I need  
Is the air I breathe  
And a place to rest  
My head_

_I said I all I need  
Is the air I breathe  
And a place to rest  
My head_

_Whenever the end is  
Do you think you can see it?  
Well, until you get there  
Go on, go ahead and scream it  
Just say it_

I can't and I wont ask for anything more. I don't need it. Nothin compares.

"Hey Faith." I look up and see Dawn and queen C peekin in through my door.

"Hey guys, c'mon in." I say. They come in and I think I just choked on air. "Um is there a reason you two have on pajamas at...1:30 in the afternoon?" I ask.

"Well of course. We are having a mini-daytime slumber party before the boys and Fred get here." Cordy says.

"Mini-daytime slumber party? Guys I may not have ever been ta one but I thought the whole point of a slumber party was to have fun at night." I say. Dawn just hops on the bed. She looks so adorable in her scooby doo pj's

"Well so what. We need a way to relax before tonight when everything is all tense. So I hope you don't mind but we invited Anya, Tara, and Xander. They'll be here in their pj's any minute." D says. I look at them.

"Cordelia why the hell are you wearin mickey mouse shirt?" I ask. I look at Dawn who is laughin'. "Silence! I keel you!" she stops and looks at me before laughin harder.

"Its comfy." Cordy says hopping on the bed. I'm about to say somethin but X-man interrupts.

"We come baring junk food and bad movies." he says. Well isn't he cute.

"Dude I have the same pajamas." I say indicating to his Gary from spongebob get up.

"I told you he was cool An." he says. She just looks at him.

"It isn't cool Xander. You're a grown man and I wish you would have chosen something different. Like Patrick" she says.

"Hey! Gary beats Patrick any day! Right X?" I ask.

"Right." he says givin me a high five.

"I don't know I agree with Anya." Tara says smiling.

"You just lost 3 cool points." I say dramatically. She nods and looks hurt.

"I understand. I'll try to cope." she says. We all gather around on my bed eatin chips and cookies drinkin way too much soda.

"So Faith, will you tell us about you first boyfriend?" Xander asks. Ya know it should be strange with him but it all seems so comfortable. I nod.

"Sure. It was this guy named Terry. Lived across the hall from me and my brother when I was 13." I say. He was one of those change at the drop of a dime guys. "Anyway met in eight grade and we got along great. We didn't officially become a couple until my 14 birthday. He was really sweet at first. But after a few months I thought I was in love and he got all the control and self respect I had." I stop for a moment.

_When I stand in a crowded room  
I feel alone like nobody's there  
And when you talk cold to me  
I can see your breath in the air  
It's taking it's toll on me  
In the bathroom taking showers  
So you don't see me cry  
Baby it's such a crime _

"Got real mean made me hate myself." I say.

_I try to feel confident  
I'm bitter - You're not making sense  
I missed you 'til you almost took my sanity  
I started a new verse like _

"After our first time he started to get physical but by then my brother was locked up so I was stayin with him. He constantly reminded me of where I came from and how my mom used to sleep with folks for money and or drugs. But then there was still times when he was sweet. Told me he loved me once and I thought my heart was gonna explode."

_Poetry, you're hiding behind the words you speak  
Changing the words of the story  
You say you don't love me then say that you love me  
I'm fighting  
You're hiding behind the words you're speaking  
You're changing the words, I'm lost in the verse  
You say you don't love me then say that you love me  
Why are you hiding? _

"I was one of those little cliché women who don't leave cus they love him or their afraid. It was both in my case. I was constantly tryin to show him how much he meant to me and keep him happy. Finally my brother got out of juvie and I moved back in with him and his mom." Xander cuts in.

"I thought your brother was older." he says.

"Not as old as I made him sound. He's only 2 years older. We got the same dad but me and his mom didn't get along. When he got locked up she tried to send me home."

_When I give you gratitude  
You act like you don't hear me speak  
When I tell you what you do to me  
You don't even hear the truth  
What are you trying to prove; I stare out of the window for hours  
Cause you don't listen to me  
You won't even look in my eyes_

_I try to feel confident  
I'm bitter - You're not making sense  
I missed you 'til you almost took my sanity  
I started a new verse like  
_

"When I got called I got ballsy. Told him if he ever touched me again I'd fuck him up."

_Poetry, you're hiding behind the words you speak  
Changing the words of the story  
You say you don't love me then say that you love me  
I'm fighting  
You're hiding behind the words you're speaking  
You're changing the words, I'm lost in the verse  
You say you don't love me then say that you love me  
Why are you hiding?  
_

"He stopped hittin me and shit and got nice. Shortly after, by then I was almost 15, my watcher found me. When I told him I was getting adopted and movin he blew up. Slapped me once and I showed him a real bitch. Probably woulda killed him if my watcher hadn't came in when she heard yellin. Found out that later my brother confronted him and ended up killin him when he found out he beat on me. After that my watcher helped me get my pride and self esteem back but I never got there fully. Til recently. Cordy helped with that." somewhat. I'm workin on it.

"Wow." Xander says.

"Yeah. so... what time will the boys get here cus Angel will flip when he sees this room." I ask.

"No he wont." we hear from the door way.

"Fang!" I exclaim loudly.

"Faith. Children." he greets us. I look to my window. Damn didn't even notice it had got dark. Oh well.

"Angel where is- dear lord! Cordelia you let her have soda AND candy?!" uh oh. Wes is scared and Cordy is in trouble.

"Yeah. We where having a daytime slumber party." she says sheepishly.

"I'm not a child ya know I can choose what I can and cannot have." I say pouting. Ok maybe that isn't helpin me at all.

"Uh huh. Like you did at the Christmas party when you ate so much cake Gunn had to play football with Fred for three days?" wes asks. Ok so sometimes I'm like a child but still.

"Hey Faith I got the x box and new games!" I hear Gunn yell. Well that's my cue. I hop up quickly and faintly hear Angel and Wes tellin Cordy she's gonna have to deal with the hyper slayer. He he. She'll be tired by the time I'm finished.

I don't own the songs. The first one is Say(All I Need) by onerepublic. Its their latest single I think. Anyway the second one is by the extremely talented and beautiful women of Danity Kane. Its called Poetry and its on their welcome to the dollhouse album. So yeah they aren't mine. Anyways review please.


	7. Memories and Feelings

Cordelia pov.

There is so much about Faith that nobody knows. That they'd never guess. And I'm honored to say I know all of it. All the good the bad and the ugly. But there was a time when I thought I'd lose her trust. I told Fred one of her secrets. But I can't keep anything from Fred. I don't want to keep anything from her. But I know it wasn't my place to tell that. It was one night after patrol. Faith had just gotten back to the Hyperion and she went straight to bed. This was unusual for two reasons, 1: she never ends patrol before two and it was only midnight, and two: she looked like she had been crying. Of course I went to investigate. If it brought tears to her it must've been serious meaning I was going to have to hurt someone. That was the beginning of my protective streak. Anyway I went to her room after I pulled myself away from staring at Fred and all of her beauty. When I got up there she was curled into the fetal position crying her eyes out. But it was done silently. I just sat on my knees beside the bed staring at her:

"you wanna talk about it?" I asked. She looked at me and nodded. All you have to do is show you're not going to judge her and she'll become and open book. I realized that just then. Anyway she scooted over in the bed and I sat beside her. She laid her head on my shoulder.

"The vamp I had to stake tonight...i knew him." she whispered.

"How?" I asked. Just because she trusted me didn't mean she didn't need a push to opening up.

"Before sunnydale, he was my boyfriend. The second serious relationship I ever had. At least I thought it was. He didn't." she said.

_There was a rose I knew, I met her once or twice before  
She was a pretty sweet thing, not the least bit insecure  
Then you came with your slick game and played with her youth  
unashamed of the way you lied, played with the truth, hey, hey _

"What happened?" I asked gently. She started to cry again and I just let her get it all out. She pulled herself together shortly after.

"After my watcher found me I moved to north Boston with her. I met this guy, Greg, and he was so sweet. I had just broken up with my last boyfriend and he was there for me from the beginning. I swear he was like a prince. After four months we decided to give us a go." she paused.

_She never knew what hit her  
Steal her honey than forget her  
Now the rose is scorned  
She wears her thorns tryin' to forget about you _

"he wasn't abusive like the last guy. He was sweet all the time. Hell even my watcher approved of him. He was respectful and never pressured me to do anything. For my 15th birthday he pulled me away from everything and we went to the park. I know it may not seem like much but it meant the world. I had school and slayin and a whole lotta other shit and he just took it away for a few hours. We had a picnic, relaxed, just enjoyed being around each other. When he took me home he stayed over for birthday cake. Anyway, time passed on and I knew I loved him."

_Cause A rose is still a rose baby girl your still a flower  
he can leave you and then take you make you and then break  
you darlin' you hold the power _

"Everything was perfect. Two months before I turned 16 it all changed. Before then he told me he loved me in a different way everyday. Flowers, notes, poems, he even had his band write me a couple songs. Anyway two months before hand I was ready. Ready to take that final step with him. He was gentle that night and he kept askin me was I sure. I told him yes but that never stopped him from checking." I had a feeling about what was coming next but it didn't stop me from wishing it hadn't happened. I know how much it hurts to love someone and be betrayed.

_Now believe me when I tell you that I've been hurt my-self  
when he tells you that he loves you it's you and nobody else  
and now so tough tryin' to wear tight clothes and thangs  
tossin' and flossin' tryin' to fill the void heart break brings _

"he even stayed the whole night with me. He knew not to hold me so he said he was happy just lying there with me. When we woke up the next morning he was different but I just shrugged it off. Later that day when I tried to talk to him he blew me off. It hurt yeah but I just wrote it up as him bein busy. Anyway when he finally did talk to me I didn't expect what he said. He said it was fun but it wasn't workin. That I was killer in the sack but he needs somebody attractive and smart to be with and it just wasn't me. When I asked him what changed he said he didn't know he was dating a whore who'd give it up after a year and sweet words. That shit stung like nothin else. I mean I always knew I wasn't the hottest thing but did he have to be like that?" she asked me. From the way she acted you'd never know about her self esteem issues. This girl genuinely thought she was unattractive.

_When she looks in the mirror  
she crys but you can't hear her  
now the rose is scorned  
she wears her thorns  
tryin' to forget about you_

_Cause A rose is still a rose  
baby girl your still a flower  
he can leave you and then take you make you  
and then break you baby girl you hold the power _

"Tonight I saw him. I knew instantly he was a vamp but it didn't stop the love I felt from comin back full force. I thought I had gotten over him but I didn't. Anyway as much as I hated to do it I staked him. Cordelia I killed the guy I said I loved. What the hell is wrong with me?" the she broke down. I sat with her lending my shoulder for as long as she needed it. This whole story she told me explained the 'get some get gone' routine she tried to play off. But I think deep down I always knew she didn't sleep with as many people as she said. She wasn't a slut or a whore she was just hurt trying to repel everyone to keep it from happening again. Once she started to talk.

"Faith listen, he was an ass. He didn't deserve you or you're love. Its obvious to anyone with eyes that you are not unattractive and you're not a whore. He wasn't worth your time and he isn't worth your tears. You didn't kill him tonight. You let him go. One day you're going to find a guy who loves you for you. All of you." I told her seriously.

_Let your life beat in the sunshine  
not the darkness of your sorrow  
you may feel lost today  
but new love will come tomorrow  
don't believe that life is over  
just because your man is gone  
girl love your-self enough to know that  
without him your life goes on  
without him your life goes on  
without him your life goes on _

_Cause a rose is still a rose baby girl your still a flower  
he can leave you and then take you make you and then  
break you darlin' you hold the power _

"Or girl." she said. This caught me off guard.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Or girl. I'm bisexual." she said looking at my face. Then a whole lot of other things made sense. I can't believe nobody noticed it. She was in love with Buffy! Damn! Damn slow much Cordy.

"Ok. Or girl. But of course they have to pass the Cordy test. You know make sure they're good enough." I said. She look surprised that I accepted her like that but she smiled.

"Yeah. The Cordy test." she said. I could tell she was exhausted so I tucked her in and kissed her forehead. Before I got to the door she called my name. "Cor?" I turned to look at her. "Thanks." and that word meant so much.

"Anytime." then I left. When I got to the lobby Fred was the first one to ask was she ok and what was wrong. All Gunn and Angel asked was who did it. Wesley showed his concern through his eyes. I reassured everyone but I told Fred what she told me. I instantly felt guilty and the next morning I apologized before she was completely out of bed. She just smiled knowingly at me and told me it was ok cos she trusted Fred. Guess she knew I was in love. Finally I told her how I felt and she encourages me to go for it. I keep telling her I can't. Tonight though we made a deal. If I asked Fred out after the scooby meeting, I didn't have to hang out with her tonight. Now don't get me wrong I love hanging out with her but when she's this hyper its too much. So instead she's going to patrol with Buffy. You know she never admitted she was in love with her before but I can see she still is. Anyway the meeting is over Buffy and Faith just left so me and the AI crew are on our way to the mansion. I fall back a little with Fred. We're walking side by side now.

"H-hey Fred?" how can she make me stutter. I'm Queen C!

"Yes?" she asks in that sweet voice and adorable accent. She just too cute!

"Do...do you w-wanna go out sometime?" I ask. She looks at me for a minute before taking a deep breath.

"Like on a date?" she asks. Here goes nothing.

"Yes." I say. She smiles shyly.

"I'd love to." she says blushing. Score one for Cordelia chase! Oh yeah I got it.

* * *

Faith pov.

Man I'm so fuckin hype right now. I can't stop bouncin. No literally, its annoyin the hell outta Buffy but she's still laughin at me.

"You look like a little kid." she says chuckling. I stop bouncin for a moment.

"Can't help it. I need to do somethin!" I say excitedly. I think I'm startin to see why they don't like me havin too much sugar, caffeine, or both. I'm like a damn 3 year old.

"I'm sure we'll find something. I'll even let you take the first few." she says.

"Aw thanks B." I say. Then I get serious for a second. "I really am sorry Buffy." I say. She nods.

"I know. I'm going to try and forgive you but it won't be easy." she says. I nod. Ohh lookie a vamp. I run towards the bad die job on legs and tackle it.

"Bloody hell! Get offa me!" the platinum vamp yells. Nope.

"How come? Don't wanna play horsey?" I ask in a little kid voice and start hittin him. I hear Buffy laughin at the poor defenseless vamp under me and right before I stake him she stops me.

"Faith wait!" those words sound so familiar. All the hyper ness instantly drains. "He's a good vampire. He can't hurt anyone." she says.

"Seriously?" I ask for reassurance. She nods and I get up extending my hand. "In that case sorry for the misunderstanding." I say. He stands up and nods accepting my apology.

"I'm Spike." he says. Oh great William the bloody. This should make Angel happy.

"Faith." I say. He smiles in recognition.

"Ah the rogue. Good ta see ya on the side'a good." he says. I nod not really feelin like talkin or much'a anythin anymore.

"Look B, I'm gonna head back. Catch ya tomorrow." I say.

"Are you ok?" she asks. I nod and smile at them both before leaving. I can still remember that night. The night I started going down and nobody caught me. Not until it was all done. Then Angel caught me and I'm way grateful.

_on the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me  
From myself  
And I won't forget  
The way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held onto you_

he saved me and I owe him everything I got now. I fall into a dream filled sleep thinkin about everythin bad that's happened in my life.

So here's a quick update. I don't own either song. The first one is A Rose is Still a Rose by Aretha Franklin. In my opinion that is the most real and beautiful song on this earth. The second one(just the chorus) is on the way down by Ryan Cabrera. Anyways review please.


	8. This Is All Too Much

Faith pov.

I'm in hell. Right at this moment I'm in hell. Me and my gang are sittin at a scooby meetin and Red and farm boy keep takin verbal jabs at me. But I'm not gonna say nothin back. I'm the bigger person. I swore I'd be civil today.

"Why don't we just send Faith to talk to glory? Its not like anyone would care if she died?" Red asks.

"That's fuckin it! I'm tired of sittin around takin your shit! You don't like me I get that, you never have liked me. That's good cus I don't really give two and a half shits about you either. All I'm askin for is a little respect. I'm givin it to you the least you could do is return the favor." I say.

"You want us to respect you? Faith you're a fucking psycho, we could never respect you." Riley says.

"How is it that you can forgive Angel for the shit he did but you damn me to fuckin hell?!" I blow up.

"Angel is different. He's a good man a-and he lost his soul at the time." Red says.

"Yeah so did I, big fuckin whoop! That makes what he did automatically ok?! Sorry Angel but I'm just lookin for answers." I say to him.

"Its ok Faith." he says.

"What do you mean you lost your soul?" Red asks.

"What the hell are you talking about?" B asks.

"Giles? What the hell am I talkin bout?" I ask. I had planned on takin this secret to the grave but somethings I just want out. Hell Cordy don't even know about this. Giles just looks at me. Oh hell no G-man. This ends now. All the lies, you're comin clean. "Giles?" I try again. He's givin me a hard cold look. He's lettin me know he aint sayin nothin. Lettin me know I did the wrong thing puttin my trust in him back then. "I give up!" I yell. "I put my fuckin trust in you and this shit happens?! I shoulda fuckin knew it was a mistake." I say. I feel the air behind me shift. "Don't C. now aint the best time to touch me. I'm gonna go for a walk." I say and I leave before she has a chance to say anythin. I need to do this. I can't stand to be around anyone right now.

Cordelia pov.

I don't know what is bothering Faith but I sure as hell want to find out. I could see the pain in her eyes when she left. Giles did something and I want to know what. I felt her wanting to give up trusting people but she won't. She will not just because Giles fucked everything up between them.

"Giles what was she talking about?" I ask. Seems like nobody else gives a shit. Although I know that isn't true. The entire AI crew loves her. She's our sister. Or in Wesley's case, daughter figure.

"Rupert if you know the reason she was the way she was, you had better tell us right now." Wesley says in a threatening voice.

"Wesley do shut up. We are all aware that Faith was unstable before but it seems that now she is better." Giles says.

"She said somethin about loosin her soul. What was she talkin about?" Gunn asks. Giles sighs.

"Before when everything happened, Faith and I had an agreement. Well it was more Faith and the council. If she would gather information on the mayor, they would help her financially. They would also cover the bill for the counseling she was undergoing. She said she wouldn't do it unless she was sure none of us would be hurt. They in turn said that in order to ensure she will not betray us, they would strip her soul and hold it as collateral. If she were to betray us not only would she lose her soul but we would die as well." what the fuck?! How in the name of all that is good can they do that?!

"Rupert! You know as well as I do that you can not trust them! Especially with Faith! She was just a child!" wes yells. Oh yeah he is beyond pissed.

"There is more, but I feel it'd be best to wait for Faith's return. There are things she doesn't know." he says. Well this should make her happy.

"I'll be back." I say.

"Where are you going?" Fred asks. My face softens when I turn to her.

"To find Faith." I say. "We'll see you guys soon." I address the room. This day is bullshit but I feel like its just the beginning.

Buffy pov.

Oh my goodness. I can't believe what Giles just said. He took part in that. He took part in taking a humans soul. I didn't even know it was possible!

"Why did they take her soul Giles?" I ask. He sighs.

"It was all she had. We needed a way to ensure she wouldn't betray us. Buffy you must un-" I cut him off.

"So you took her soul?! What kind of sense does that make?!" I practically scream. Things just continue to make it harder to not forgive Faith. I want to so badly now but...she still hurt me pretty bad.

"Because even without a soul **I **was well aware of the fact she couldn't hurt anyone! Soul or not its just the person she is...she can't hurt innocent people. That's just Faith." he says.

"If you knew she wouldn't hurt anyone why did you let them take her soul?" Wesley asks. This is the first time I've ever seen him this angry. Hell everyone here is.

"Just because I knew she wouldn't hurt anyone didn't mean I trusted her." Giles says.

"What reason did she ever give you to not trust her?" Gunn asks. I can see he's doing everything he can not to get physical. They all really care about her and I'm happy she has that.

"It wasn't what she did I was just being cautious." Giles says.

"Alright we're back. Talk so we can go." Cordelia says bursting into the magic shop with Faith behind her.

Faith pov.

Cor convinced me to come back and At least hear the man out. S'all he gets though. He looks at me and clears his throat.

"Quite right. Well the information that Faith needed to hear is...Faith, you never worked for the mayor." he says. The fuck?!

"The hell are you talkin bout. O'course I did. I remember it quite well actually." I say. He shakes his head.

"You weren't here. The night you killed accidentally killed Allen you were removed from sunnydale." I'm confused as fuck. I remember all this other shit happenin. Like dumpin the body. Them findin the body. Tellin B I didn't care. Finally admittin what I did to Giles and goin into counseling and then agreein to help the council. Mostly to redeem myself.

"Yeah I was. I remember tryina kill Red, strangle Xander, takin B's body. All that shit." I say getting mad.

"No Faith. Those memories aren't yours." bullshit.

"Bullshit! Dude I remember doin a whole lotta fucked up shit, one of em bein trustin you. And if I was 'removed' that same night the Finch thing happened, how did I lose my soul?" I ask. Dude this is so fuckin bogus.

"It was taken. You didn't hand it over. The night you were taken away the council drugged you and performed the spell. You were then put into a magically induced coma. From then memories were projected into your mind. Most of the things you remember happening here aren't your memories." he says.

"Giles don't be ridiculous. It was Faith, I mean we saw her." Red says. Giles shakes his head sadly.

"That wasn't Faith. It was a young woman named Chasity" he says. I swear somethin just snapped.

"Don't you dare say that name! You don't know shit about her!" I say.

"Faith, calm down sweetie. Lets hear him out." Cordy says calming me. "Now is there a reason you are blaming Faith's sister? The sister who died when they were four?" Cordelia asks angrily.

"Chasity survived the car accident. It was part of the council's plan. They thought she was a potential and they were correct but what they didn't realize is Faith was one as well. She believes that Faith and her parents died that night as well. She was raised by the council." he says.

"We weren't identical." I say. I'm tryin my best to catch him in a lie.

"Over the years the resemblance between you two grew. By the time you were both 11 years young, you were identical. The only way to tell you apart were your attitudes. Also the fact that you were separate helped. That night when your watcher tried to suffocate you, your sister was called. This in turn set all the events into motion." he says. I hear Cordy gasp. I never told her bout my watcher tryina kill me.

"Go on." I say. I want to hear this all.

"You and your sister arrived in sunnydale on the same night. The council and I both worked hard to make sure you two never came into acquaintances with each other. If you did, there would be problems. After you met Buffy and the others, we would alternate between the two of you. While you worked during the day to pay for your motel room, she visited the school. At night, most nights, you would patrol with Buffy. The two of you shared her memories. You never had sex with Xander. That was your sister." he says. Well I'll be damned.

"What else?" I ask. He takes a deep breath.

"As you know all of the events that happened with the mayor, something went wrong. You were waken up one week before the fight you and Buffy had, that night we switched you and your sister again. That's how you ended up in the coma. When you awoke, yet again, you were switched. You never did any of the things after you woke up. Technically she didn't either." he says. But I...this is shit.

"What do you mean technically she didn't either?" Cordelia asks.

"The initiative received the idea for control chips from somewhere." he says. I sit down trying to take everything in.

"You know...about me. You know don't you?" I ask him. He nods. "So why didn't you tell me who the fuck my real family was?!" I ask. I'm more than furious with this man. He just basically told me that all the evil shit I did, I didn't do. So why the fuck do I still feel guilty?

"Because we felt it wouldn't be safe! There were strict orders from the council to h-" he starts but I cut him off.

"Fuck the council! Do you know I had to get my brother to restore my soul?! Yeah, they obviously wanted me to be their puppet." I stop and sigh. "Where is my sister?" I ask. He doesn't say anythin.

"She asked you a question." I hear Xander growl out. He really is a good guy.

"Give me a moment. I'll ring her." he says. I nod and he goes to the phone. I take a deep breath to keep the tears down. I'm not gonna cry with all these people around. Xander gets up and stands beside me.

"Xander what are you doing?" willow asks. She just sounds as curious as I am.

"After Faith talks to her sister, if its ok with the AI team, I'm going back to the mansion with them." he says.

"Its fine." Wesley says.

"Why?" B asks.

"Did you hear what Giles just said? I'm sorry, but I can't be around him." he says with a look of pure disgust on his face. Giles doesn't deserve for anyone to look at him like that. Deep down he's a good guy.

"Look X I appreciate it but you don't gotta leave G-man. I'm sure he had a reason for don it. Everythin happens for a reason and all that." I say.

"Faith can I ask you a question?" Gunn asks. I nod. "How is it that after all he did, you can defend him?" he asks. I shrug.

"Dunno I just think he's a good guy who made bad decisions Everybody makes em at one point or another." I say. And its true. Nobody makes perfect choices all'a time. And I think with a little time I can forgive him. He gives me a grateful smile and I nod back. I never said I wasn't pissed. Hell yeah but I'll get over it. Just me. After a few minutes Dawn, Tara, Anya and Buffy get up to stand with us. I must look confused cus B speaks.

"I agree with Xander. We can't be around him. At least not now. You understand right Giles?" she asks. She's practically pleadin with him.

"Look you guys don't gotta be getting mad at him. Like I told X, he just made a few bad choices. I'm sure he's sorry. Right?" I ask. He's silent for a moment.

"No. no I'm not." he says. Ok not helpin keep your family. "And I understand Buffy. I'll be here when you need me." he says with a fatherly smile. Dawn and Tara glare at him. I hear Angel growl and I feel Gunn ready to pounce. I move to him and shake my head.

"Go for a walk man, you need to calm down a little." he looks at me.

"Nah, I'm cool." he says.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." then the door opens. We all look up and I'll be damned if we aint really identical. She sees me and her eyes widen.

"You're supposed to be dead." she whispers. I give her a small smile.

"So are you." I say. We eye each other for a minute. Man its fuckin good ta see her. She was my best friend. Me and my little sister were close at one point but never as close as me and Chas. She looks at Giles then at me.

"Do I wanna know?" she asks. I shake my head.

"No you really don't but I'll tell you when you're ready to hear." I say. She nods. She seems nice. Calm. Somethin that usually aint associated with the Lehanes. Things get awkward so I write down my number and give it to her. "Call me if ya wanna hang out." I say. She takes it with a smile and a nod and leaves. I sigh and start to walk out but I stop at the door and look at Giles. "I forgive you anyway Giles." even though he aint sorry.

Buffy pov.

Even though Faith and I don't really see eye to eye I forgive her. But then again I can't forgive her for something she never did. So I guess I should be forgiving Chasity. But then again I think she was a victim. So I should forgive Giles and the council. Giles I can forgive. That'll be easy. He's the father my dad never was. But the council? I'll never forgive them. Not for what they did to me or Faith and her family. I mean I do care for her. Of course I do. She's my sister slayer. One of them anyway. So there are three slayers running around. Two identical and the original. I guess that saying 'nothing is ever what it seems' comes into play now. I look over at Faith while we are walking with most of the group. Angel, Wesley and Gunn drove back. Well Angel didn't have a choice but anyway I look over at Faith and I see pain. Its in her eyes. Everything he said back there hurt her just a little more. I look at Cordelia whose walking with Faith holding her hand and I feel a strange feeling in my stomach. I just shrug it off. We all get to the mansion and I instantly notice how Faith tenses up when we see a blond who look so familiar. Where have I seen her?

"Kate." Faith says walking inside. Kate? Kate...oh! Kate. The detective who...oh. Kate sighs and looks to Cordelia.

"Can I go talk to her?" she asks. Why does she have to ask? What did she do? Ok where did the protectiveness just come from?

"Look Kate. I don't know what you did but you need to fix it. I always thought you were good for her." Cordelia says. "But if she's hurt you will feel pain." Cordy says after a few moments. Yeah. What she said. Ok why am I doing this in my head.

"Gotcha." kate says before going inside.

"She and Faith were dating?" I ask. Cordy nods.

"For about 10 months. Then one day Faith couldn't stand to be around her." she says. hm. Interesting.

Faith pov.

I really don't need to deal with Kate right now. Why she's here I'll never know. I don't want to. I honestly just want her to leave me alone. I sigh when somebody knocks on the door. I told Fang I was fine.

"S'open." I say. Then my day gets better. Kate peeks her head inside. Great. Fuckin great. "Go. Away." I say. I hear her sigh and come more into the room.

"I miss you ya know. I miss what we had." she says. I'm not doin this.

"Look Kate I don't wanna hear what you got to say. Just do us both a favor and leave me the fuck alone. I told you I don't want nothin ta do with ya and I'd really appreciate it if you'd respect that." I say.

"I'm sorry but I can't." she says. I sigh and look at her finally. Ah she's got the tears again.

"Look, we had somethin good yeah. But you fucked it up." I tell her. And its true.

"I'm sorry about that." she says.

"Sorry don't cut it." I say.

"I made a mistake, so does everybody else!" she says raisin her voice.

"Kate you fuckin cheated on me! Not once, not twice, but three fuckin times and when I confronted you about it you decided to use my face as a punchin bag! You're lucky as fuck I didn't retaliate. I coulda really fucked you up but I didn't wanna sink to that level. You made more then a mistake. You fucked things up for us beyond repair. There isn't even a friendship no more." I say.

_Just go  
I gave you my word and I promised to love you  
Go, it's over  
You had your chance  
Just go  
There's nothing inside me that still feels connected to you  
To me you're already gone _

"Faith you do-" I stop her. I don't wanna deal with her tears or her for that matter.

"Will you please leave me alone?" I ask tiredly. She looks at me for a few minutes before noddin and leavin. I flop back on the bed heavily then theres another knock on the door. I know its B. she don't wait for me to say come in, she just comes in.

"Faith, are you ok?" she asks. She seems concerned.

"5x5 B. look let everybody know I'm gonna take a nap?" I ask. She nods.

"Ok. um...if you need to talk I'm willing to listen. And I forgive you." she says. I smile at her. Genuinely.

"Thanks." is all I say before she leaves. Why can't we just deal with an apocalypse like every other slayer in history? With out the extra drama.

Well here's an update until sometime next week maybe. Dunno. Anyway review please. The song isn't mine. Its Just Go by jesse McCartney I can't wait for his new album. Its gonna rock! 


	9. Rockstar Gettin Respect

Faith pov.

I kiss down her jawline on down to her neck. She's sighin and clutchin my upper arms. I start to move lower with my kisses until I reach her slightly exposed chest. The rest of her is covered by the clothes I'm bout to tear off in the next few minutes. She pulls me back towards her and kisses me hard and flips us so she's on top. She starts rainin kisses down my neck and liftin my shirt up slowly over my head. After she has my shirt removed she grinds her hips into mine while cuppin my tits.

"Shit B." I groan out.

_Here we are all alone in this room (oh)  
And girl I know where to start and what we're gonna do (yeah)  
I'll take my time we'll be all night girl  
So get ready babe I got plans for me and you  
It ain't my first time but baby girl we can pretend,  
Hey let's bump and grind girl tonight we'll never end_

she starts kissin on my neck and workin down to my stomach and then to the top of my pants. She starts undoin the button and the zipper with her teeth.

"Fuck that's hot." I say breathlessly. She gives me a sexy smile and starts tuggin on my jeans. I get the hint and raise my hips to help her get me out of em.

_Let me take you down  
I really wanna take you down  
And show you what I'm about  
Can I take you now?  
Your body body oh  
Your body body up and down  
So don't stop girl get it  
Quit playing wit it  
Can't wait no more  
I wanna take you down  
I really wanna take you down  
Take you down, yeah_

she tugs my underwear down with her teeth too and sends one long very painfully slow lick up my slit. My hips jump off the bed.

_Pretty girl let's take it off in this room,  
No time to waste girl you know what we came to do,  
We got all night to try to get it right girl,  
(hope you ready, hope you ready, hope you ready)  
I hope you're ready, babe,  
'cause here we go, we know how we do_

she picks up the pace with her licks and it only takes a few minutes after she slides a finger in me for me to slip into oblivion. Shortly after I'm back and ready to return the favor. I flip us back into our previous positions.

"Damn B, you ever been with a girl?" I ask.

"Just you." she says. I shake my head.

"You lie. I tell ya you seem like a real pro." she blushes and mutters somethin bout just goin on instinct. I smile devilishly and it only takes me a couple seconds to get her clothes off. I take on of her nipples in my mouth and gently suck. She moans and clutches my head to her chest.

_It ain't my first time but baby girl we can pretend,  
Hey let's bump and grind girl tonight we'll never end  
Let me take you down  
I really wanna take you down  
And show you what I'm about  
Can I take you now?  
Your body body oh  
Your body body up and down  
So don't stop girl get it  
Quit playing wit it  
Can't wait no more  
I wanna take you down  
I really wanna take you down  
Take you down, yeah_

_You're freaking know,  
Like a pro baby,  
And I bet that you (I bet that you whoa)  
Think you know baby like a pro baby, so what you wanna do?_

(I'm gonna take you down baby nice and slow)  
So bring it let's go baby! (baby, baby, baby, baby, baby)

(come on baby, come on baby)

I reach down and insert to fingers in her and start up a rhythm.

"Faith!" I hear. I look up at her and its...Cordy!

"Ahh! Cordy Ahh!" she's laughin at me.

"Its about time I've been tryin to wake you up for ten minutes." she says. That was a dream? Fuck.

"Dude. Don't ever do that again." I say. Don't get me wrong C is a hottie but not the face I wanna see after a dream like that. "I coulda smacked the shit outta you!" I yell. She's still laughin like shits funny.

"Yeah yeah what ever, just get up. We're all going bronzing and you're coming with and you and wes are going to get on stage and sing." I laugh. She really has things messed up don't she. Me and Wesley? Not gonna happen. Aw hells bells she's usin the pout.

"Pwease?" she asks tryina sound all sweet and innocent. Hell no.

"Nope Cordy." I say shakin my head.

"But Wes said he'll only sing if you sing with him." she whines. I think it over. She notices and says "It wont like last time. I swear." yeah last time they got us drunk and we sounded like wounded hyenas.

"We'll let you choose when you go up and we wont let you drink until you're done. The manager said it'd be ok for you two to go up if you can play your own instruments." I sigh and nod. I can take a guitar, Wes can take lead, Gunn'll do drums, and Fred'll do keyboard.

"Sure." I say. She squeals and runs out of the room. I go and get dressed and when I'm goin down the stairs I hear her tellin everybody me and Wes are gonna hit the stage.

"Those two?" B asks incredulously Cordy nods like speedy Gonzalez on speed.

"Yep." she says excitedly. You know I wish I had never had that dream. Now I can't even look at B.

"I've heard them sing before, they have vocal cords that would make a demon cower in fear of going deaf." Xan man says. Hehe. Cordy just smirks.

"Just listen to them before you buy ear plugs." she says I shake my head and grab Gunn.

"Hey man I need you on drums and I need you to help me get the equipment there." he nods and runs up stairs and brings a guitar, amp, and drum sticks. I automatically hand the guitar and amp to Wes and Fang. Gunn runs back down with the keyboard and the stand. He gives it to me and takes the guitar from Wesley. I know for a fact that the bronze always has one back up guitar. I'll just use that one. Gunn and I get there before everybody else and get everything set up. I take a minute to tune the guitar for Wes. He can play and all but the man isn't made ta tune. I notice the group arrive and motion for Fred to come over. She gets to the stage.

"Alright Fred, we're doin Can't stop. That good?" she smiles and nods. I wrote that song a few months back when she told me she had it bad for Cordy and I was still goin strong for B. I mean I'm still goin strong just now its stronger. If its possible. She goes and whispers into Wes' ear and he looks up and nods. Gunn and I finish getting everythin set up and we motion for them to join us. Everybody gets into place. Gunn starts to play and the rest of us join in. I'm just realizin we had to improvise with the base. I'm glad Fred is good with a keyboard. I start with the first verse:

_(__wes__)__- Can't believe I could think that she would just follow me everywhere I go  
I just wrestle with you in my dreams and wake up making love to a pillow  
And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities  
And I put myself at ease by pretending that she still loves me _

_(both)- And I can't stop thinking about you  
And I can't stop thinking about you  
You never call, what do I do?  
And I can't stop, and I can't stop  
_

_(me)-__What I would give to have you look in my direction  
And I'd give my life to somehow attract your attention  
_

_(wes)- And I touch myself like it's somebody else  
Thoughts of you are tattooed on my mind, let me show you  
_  
_(both)- And I can't stop thinking about you  
And I can't stop thinking about you  
You'll never go, what do I do?  
And I can't stop thinking about you_

And I can't stop thinking about you  
And I can't stop thinking about you  
You'll never go, what do I do?  
And I can't stop thinking about you 

when we finish the song everybody starts cheerin like we're rock stars or somethin. I noticed after I started singin everybody start dancin their asses off but I didn't think they'd cheer like this. We all smile and hop off the stage and let the DJ take back over. We walk over to the group and the scoobs look stunned. Hell I'm stunned cus Red showed up.

"That was great." Red says. The whole group nods.

"Yeah great." I hear from behind. I turn and see Riley. He looks nervous.

"Look Faith Riley and I want to apologize to you for how-" I cut Red off by raisin my hand.

"You gonna start givin me the respect I give you?" I ask. They both nod I shrug. "Then s'all 5x5." I say.

"Hey hussy that's my drink." Cordy says slappin my arm for takin her coke. I smile and walk away with it. I can hear her fussin in the background. I make my way to the bar and hear the sound of Rob Zombie let it all bleed out fill the speakers.

"Wanna dance?" I hear in my ear. I look and see B. I smile and nod. We make our way to the dance floor and I remember the last time we danced. She leans close to me and whispers:

"It wont be like before." she says. I nod and let the beat take over. I can only think one thing.; I hope not.

The weekend is over, I didn't get into trouble so here's your update! Review please. The first song is Take you down by Chris brown, I've been tryin to think of a way to use it in a fanfic since December. The second one is can't stop by maroon 5. man they kick ass.


	10. From Rob Zombie to Linkin Park

Buffy pov.

Faith and I are still dancing. I had forgotten how much of a good dancer she was. is. She just lets the beat take over and her body follows along. Its actually quite mesmerizing. I'm finding it extremely hard to not stare at her perfectly toned body. I know I've always been attracted to Faith, that much was obvious but in the beginning I was sure it was purely physical. Been we started to hang out and I realized it went a little deeper. But I never ignored that she was gorgeous. In my own opinion it seems that turning 18 did nothing but make her more beautiful. I never thought of pursuing things with her for a number of reasons. One; I was I thought she was straight but now I know she 'plays for both teams.' something else we have in common. Oh don't look so surprised. Everybody just assumed Buffy was straight. I never recall saying that I was strictly dickly. Nope. I can bat either way. I just never actively pursued anything. Two; she seemed like a slut. Everybody knows that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife and she gave off that vibe. But now I'm starting to think that whole sleeping with every guy with a cute face thing was a front. And three; she went all evil and hurt the people I care about. Although I could've learned to forgive her if I tried, I didn't. But now I know it wasn't really her doing the only thing stopping me is the fact that Cordelia terrifies me. Well that and I'm not sure if she's even interested in me. That last one I can over come but the first one I'm not so sure about. Cordelia is so protective of Faith and with the incident with the closet from before I'm surprised she even lets me breath around Faith. I see the looks that she gives me. She watches me like a hawk and I'm pretty sure that if Cordelia doesn't approve of me Faith won't try anything. Well except a friendship. If I'm lucky.

"Hey you want a drink?" I hear. I turn and see some guy. I give him a small smile.

"No thanks." I say turning back towards Faith. She has her eyes closed and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know I'm still here.

"Aww c'mon baby. Lemme get ya one drink." the guy persists. I shake my head.

"I'm good." I say a little more forcefully.

"What's wrong? You don't like men? Maybe you just haven't had the right one. Let me show ya what you're missin. I can guarantee you a good time." he says with a sickening smile. I don't even have to say anything else.

"She said no so back off." Faith says without opening her eyes. The guy looks up at Faith.

"Oh you two together? Why don't you come and have a ride on a real man. Both of you." he says. Faith finally stops dancing and looks him directly in the eye.

"I'm being polite right now. I'll ask you again nicely," she says grabbing his crotch roughly. "Leave us alone of I'll rip you dick off and feed it to you. Got me?" she asks as she twists. I bet that hurts. The guy turns different shade of red before nodding.

"Y-Yeah." he gasps out. She smiles.

"Good. Now be a good little fucker and run along now before I get mad." she says in a sugary sweet voice letting him go. She looks at me and we share a smile.

"Its getting hot out here, how about we go back and join the guys?" I ask. She nods and we begin to make our way of the dance floor. She immediately goes for Cordelia's drink put gets hit with a purse.

"Oh no you don't! Keep your little paws off and get your own." Cordy says smiling as Faith pouts. I notice Willow walking over to the table.

"Uh guys I just got off the phone with Giles an-" Wesley cuts her off.

"We don't really care what Rupert has to say." he says. Faith puts a hand on his arm.

"Wes it could be important. Lets hear it Red." she says. Who would have ever thought she was such a good person?

"But Fa-" Wes starts only to be cut off by Faith.

"Don't. If its important we need to hear it. Let the girl talk." she says. They stare each other down for a moment before he nods.

"He's still been researching the glory thing and so far, even though it isn't much, all he's come up with is the key is a ball of energy that's over thousands of years old. But the for of it was changed by some kind of monks or something and sent to the slayer. He's not sure what form its in now but its something either you or Buffy have." willow says. Everybody is quiet for a few minutes.

"Its somethin B has. I don't know how I know but I just do." Faith says breaking the silence.

"Ok now we just need to figure out what." I say. A guy bumps into me causing me to fall back slightly but Faith catches my arm so I don't fall. After she does she stares at me for a moment with a concentrated look then her eyes widen. She lets me go causing me to once again almost fall but this time Gunn catches me.

"Thanks." I say.

"No problem. Faith what's up?" he asks. She looks a little shocked like she's seeing something she can't believe but all she's doing is staring at me.

"N-nothin." she stutters out seemingly to snap out of her trance. She shakes her head a little and she's about to say something when we all hear familiar words:

_(Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?)  
Living Dead Girl!_

She smiles and walks away like nothing happened. Cordelia just shakes her head and I follow Faith. I'm going to find out what the hell just happened. I'm about four feet away from her when I see glory walking up behind her. Faith turns to her and glory says something and Faith shakes her head. Glory throws Faith into a wall and the first verse starts.

_Rage in the cage  
And piss upon the stage  
There's only one sure way  
To bring the giant down  
Defunct the strings  
Of cemetery things  
With one flat foot  
On the devil's wing  
_

everybody moves out of the way as Faith gets up. She gives glory one of those you're gonna get it smiles she has and lunges at glory.

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl_

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl _

they trade blows but by now I've jumped in. I'm about to jump on glory but Faith goes flying past my head crashing into Gunn. I look back to glory in time to duck a fist aimed at my head.

"Tell me where my key is!!" she yells.

"Dizzy bitch we aint tellin you nothin." Faith says. Right before I hit glory I feel Faith jerk my body back and I look to see she just saved me from getting hit with a chair. Where is my head?!

_Raping the geek  
And hustling the freak  
Like a hunchback juice  
On a sentimental noose  
Operation filth  
They love to love the wealth  
Of an SS Whore  
Making scary sounds _

yes scary is the right word for the sound glory made when Faith hit her in the face. Glory kicks Faith in the midsection and Faith barely stumbles. Right now its time for me to step in. I rush up and hit glory with all the slayer strength I have and the bitch laughs.

"That tickled. Do it again." she says. What the fuck?! she punches me and I fall back and everything is fuzzy.

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl_

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl_

Faith catches glory with a right then a left hook dazing her. She then hits her with an uppercut knocking her down.

_Psyclone Jack  
Hallucinating Hack  
Thinks Donna Reed  
Eats dollar bills  
Goldfoot machine  
Creates another fiend  
So Beautiful,  
They make you kill  
_

I feel myself being lifted up and see Gunn and Wes moving me away.

"I'm fine guys. I need to help Faith." I say trying to get them to let me go.

"Nah you need to stay out of her way. She has this." Gunn says. But I don't want her to get hurt. I take a moment to look back and see that glory has Faith by the neck against a pool table. Faith grabs a pool cue swinging it so hard it breaks against glory's head on the first blow. Faith then sticks the broken end into her gut and glory lets out another scream.

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl_

_Crawl on me  
Sink into me  
Die for me  
Living Dead Girl_

_Blood on her skin  
Dripping with Sin  
Do it again  
Living Dead Girl_

_Blood on her skin  
Dripping with Sin  
Do it again  
Living Dead Girl _

glory uppercuts Faith sending her crashing into the pool table behind her. Glory hops up ready to stomp Faith's skull in but thankfully Faith wasn't dazed enough to not see. She rolls off the table and breaks into run.

"Red. Tar wipe their memories! Thanks!" she says running past the group. Glory hot on her heals. Willow and Tara start to mutter something in Latin and none of us stay to see if it worked. When we get outside neither Faith nor glory is anywhere in sight.

"L-Lets go back to the mansion." Cordelia says worry evident in her voice. We all nod in agreement and when we arrive at the mansion Faith is on the ground in front of the door. Whimpering like a small child. Cordelia and Angel rush to her side. They continually call out to her but no answer. Finally Angel carries her inside and sets her down in her room. She automatically burrows into Cordelia when she sits beside her. All I can think is this Glory bitch is really going down now.

Faith pov.

Glory and I fought. I never told her who the key was. I know. But she couldn't get it out of me. So she tried to go into my mind. That didn't work either. She still doesn't know who the key is. I don't know how I blocked it out but I did. All she did was bring a whole lot of memories to the front of my mind.

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming/confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling/I can't seem _

"Daddy please don't." I used to cry out. He'd just smile at me.

"C'mon Faithy, don't you love daddy? This'll help pay the bills. You'll be keeping the family fed." he'd say before he let his friends have their way with his 7 year old daughter.

_To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

"Don't call me that! I'm not your mom! You are a mistake! A disgusting little mistake!" my mommy used to scream at me. She never wanted me and sometimes I wish she would've had an abortion.

_Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting/reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem..._

_To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

but its been years so I should be over it right? I think I should. Even if I know I shouldn't be here. I don't wanna be here. I deserve everything bad that happens. Cos I can't let the past go. Time heals all wounds is what my watcher used to say. So why do I still have nightmares about my past. Those wounds should just heal! Fucking heal!

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
_

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

"I'm sorry." I whimper out.

"Shh don't be sweetie. We have you. You're ok now..." I hear a voice I don't recognize say before drifting off into sleep. But I know it won't be a peaceful one. Sleep is never peaceful for me.

Ok so here's another one of those update thingys. Just thought I'd go ahead. You can thankxXAngel of fireXx cus it was her idea to use living dead girl by Rob Zombie. Oh yeah it rocks. That's the first song. The second is Crawling by Linkin Park. I know the video has a generally ok to happy ending but in this case the song don't got a happy ending. Hope ya like the chapter. Review and lemme know. Laterz...


	11. Bad News

this chapter is mostly based off memories Faith is having after receiving bad news. The first song will be Live In The Sky by T.I. ft. Jamie Foxx. This song carries a deep emotional meaning and my brother and I were talking and this song in particular came up in our conversation. We talked about family members we've lost and he talked about friends he's lost...this song carries that meaning. This was written about personal experiences, I'm guessing. I feel that this should be pointed out because of the depth of the song itself I don't want anyone offended. I decided to only use the chorus but I'm sure plenty of you have heard the entire song. So yeah I don't own this song but I figured it may suit the chapter. 

Cordelia pov.

Faith is burrowing into my arms. She was crying in her sleep now she's quiet and still. I feel her move against me again and her eyes open. She looks at me and smiles slightly. But I can tell its a fake smile. She's trying to reassure me she's fine. I'm not going to ask questions because she'll talk when she's ready. Right now I'll just lay here with her.

Faith pov.

Right now I feel a lot. Some of it good most of it not. I feel loved. I woke up beside Cordy and oddly I knew she'd be there. I guess its cos she said she always would be. I believe her.

"Faith." angel calls me softly. I can't say anything because its like my voice doesn't work anymore. I look to him. "Uh I know this isn't the best time but someone wants to see you downstairs." he says.

"Well tell them to go away. She doesn't need a-" Cordy starts. I hold up a hand and shake my head at her. I get up and walk behind Angel downstairs where the whole scooby gang is visitin. Even D and Mrs. Summers. I see a police officer.

"Good evening ma'am are you Faith Lehane?" he asks. Ok voice work.

"Yeah. W-why?" I ask. He sighs.

"I have some news. Its about your family. Your father, grandmother and younger brother were involved in a robbery at a bank just outside of Boston. The robbers had guns and fired wildly killing several people and wounding others. You're father, brother, and grandmother where treated almost immediately but I'm sorry to say but your father and grandmother didn't make it. Your younger brother is in critical condition at Boston children's hospital." he says. I don't know anything about a younger brother.

"How old is he?" I ask. My voice cracks cus no matter how badly they treated me in the past I still loved my family. More than my own life.

"He's 5. if he survives he'll be released into your custody. I'm sorry ma'am." he says. I nod and he leaves. I stand there staring off into the spot where a total stranger just told me I have a younger brother and my father and grandmother are dead. He stops at the door.

"One more thing ms. Lehane?" it sounds like a question so I nod. "I'm not sure if you're already aware of this but I was told to let you know anyway. You're mother's body was found and its ready for a proper burial whenever you give the word." he says. I nod again and this time he leaves. My eyes follow him out the door and I stare at it. I don't say anything I barely move. I feel a hand on my shoulder and flinch away from it. I turn and see it was only Cordelia.

"I-if you want to talk..." she trails off. I stare at her like she's an alien. Can't life be simple anymore? How the fuck could he have another kid and not even fucking tell me?! My brother is 5 and I've never even heard of him! I don't even know his name. A-and...oh god. I feel bile rise in my throat and I run upstairs barely making it to the bathroom. I release everything that could have possibly been in my stomach into the toilet. When I flush it I flush everything else I've gained down with it. My entire life is gone now. Not because I have to take on the parental role. no. that's good news in a way. I'll be happy too because I've always loved kids. Its because everybody I care about is fuckin murdered! They never die of natural causes. Well my mom could've but I doubt it. From what I hear, there was a struggle at the apartment. She was taken away from it. I assumed she was dead and let her die in my mind. But she's still in my heart. I get up and rinse my mouth out and stare into the mirror. I wonder if dad and grandma made it to heaven. I hope so. Cus they were really good at heart. Even if I did think my grandma was dead for the longest time and my dad disowned me for bein bisexual. I don't think that was the reason though. I think he just didn't like me. Its ok though cus I'm not really likable. I mean I'm fuckin ugly as shit, I fuck everythin up, I'm unstable, and I'm evil. But I wonder will I go to hell when I die. I mean its where I'm from anyway so will I go back? Or will I go somewhere else. A tear escapes my eye followed by another. I let out a loud scream and punch the mirror until my hands bleed and I keep punching the wall and concrete behind where the mirror used to be. B rushes in grabbin my hands pullin me to her lettin me sob into her chest.

"Shhh, Faith its ok...its all going to be ok." she says. Is she fucking crazy!?

"My daddy's dead...he's dead and I made him hate his life before." I sob out. "He wanted to kill himself before cus'a me. What if he got shot on purpose?" I ask. She just shh s me rockin back and forth. I can't believe my dad is fuckin dead!

_Life's up and downs they come and go_

_but when I die I hope I live in the sky_

_All my folks who ain't alive I hope they live in the sky_

_Pray to God when I die that I live in the sky._

_It's true what goes around comes back you know_

_So when I die I hope I live in the sky _

_All my folk who ain't survive may  
_

_They live in the sky_

_Tell God I wanna fly and let me live in t__he sky_

I remember the first time I met my dad's mom. She was a pretty cool lady. I didn't even know I was her granddaughter until she was cleanin out my pants pocket. It was a fuckin freezin cold day in Boston. Shortly after my watcher got killed. I was roamin round for a few days before I took off. I had to wait a few days before I could sneak back in to get some clothes and stuff. I was walkin, well roamin technically, down the streets of my old neighborhood and I saw this lady strugglin with groceries. I ran up to help her:

"Let me get that for ya." I said. She looked at me and smiled.

"Thank you darlin." she said. Her accent thick. Purely Irish. She dug around for her keys for a few minutes. "Those keys are never where I put em." she muttered. Finally she found them and I was about to hand her back her groceries when she shocked me. "Darlin? Would ya mind takin those inside?" she asked. Now don't think I was a fool I knew not to enter people's apartments old or not. People nowadays are fuckin crazy. But somethin about this woman seemed she'll help ya before she hurts ya. So I agreed. Once I got them inside I turned to see her smilin at me.

"Well you have a goo- what?" I asked when she kept smilin. She shook her head.

"Nothin. You look familiar s'all." she said. I smiled back.

"I get that a lot." I said. And I did for the longest time. I got to the door and as soon as I opened it it started snowin like it was fuckin Antarctica or somewhere just as cold.!

"You gotta be shittin me." I muttered.

"Oh my! Why doncha stay here until the snow passes. I'll fix you some soup." she said. I was about to protest but she stopped me. "Don't even think about it! You sit right down and make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back with some chicken noodle soup." she said runnin off into the kitchen. Now if ya know me I'm not a real trustin person but I trusted her off the bat. Fuckin crazy I know! Anyway I sat and waited for my soup. A few minutes later she came back in with a little coffee mug of soup. She sat down across from me with her own cup.

"So where ya from?" she asked. I swallowed the hot but really good soup.

"I used to live a few buildins down the way but now I live in northern Boston." I said.

"Oh my son lives a few buil-" she was cut off by her dog runnin through the livin room knockin my soup all over my clothes. "I'm so sorry about that. Maxie has always been a little rowdy around strangers. You stay here while I get somethin for you to wear while I clean those clothes up." she said. I didn't even have time to react before she was up runnin to a room. I glared at the dog but she was too cute I had to smile. Until she started lickin my pants.

"Hey. Hey now! Watch where you put that tongue." I say pointin a finger at her. She trotted off when my granny came back into the room.

"Here ya go." she said handin me a t-shirt and jeans that look like the fit me. I went and changed and came back out. I forgot to clean my pockets but with her bein a mom I guess its like an instinct. She went through the pockets and pulled out my ID and laughed.

"Faith Lehane! You're daddy's name wouldn't be Alejandro would it?!" she asked and I nodded. She shook her head and handed me my id while passing me. She went upstairs and came back down with a binder. She sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to her. She turned the page and I instantly recognized my dad.

"How do you know my dad?" I asked. She smiled sadly.

"I'm his mother." she said.

"Really? I heard you were dead." I said. She nodded.

"I didn't really approve of your mother before and he disowned me since I couldn't accept them as a couple. Told me I'd never see my grand baby if he had anything to do about it." she said. I nodded and she started flippin through the pictures. She got to one of a young boy hangin upside down from a tree.

"Who's that?" I asked pointin to the girl beside my dad. Yeah he's the young boy.

"That's your aunt Annie. That was taken when your father was about 7 and she was 9. he had taken her dolls the night before and flushed them down the toilet. Well she pretended that everything was ok that night but the next morning she chased him out to his tree house and she hung him upside down and beat him with his own shoe. That AJ was always getting into something he was." she said. I smiled because I remember that story from one of his good days.

_How do I say goodbye to what we had?  
The good times that made us laugh  
Outweigh the bad.  
_

I used to go see her. The entire week or so before I left I spent about 15 out of the 24 hrs in a day with her. She was too old to work and well I wasn't goin to school. We talked and I told her about all the good things in my life. The day before I left I told her I was bisexual.

"Faith darlin s'long as you're happy it doesn't matter who you love. Remember granny is always gonna be there." she said huggin me. "Now before you leave I want you to go see your father. Just check on him." she said. I nodded cried and hugged her and made my way to see him. I'll always remember her sayin granny is always gonna be there. But somebody took her away a little too early.

_I thought we'd get to see forever  
But forevers gone away  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  
_

When I got to my parents place the police we're outside. I caught my dad while he was alone.

"Hey dad." I said. He turned to me shocked to see me then gave me a small smile.

"Your mama's gone girly. Somebody came in and took 'er while I was visitin that little sister of yours." he said sadly. It amazed me that he still loved her after the way she and her family treated him. Guess that's why I remind people of him in ways.

"I uh...hope you find her. Um dad?" he looked at me.

"What's up?" he asked sittin down on the stairs.

"I-I've been talkin to grandma. She misses you." I say. He looks at me blankly.

"I'll go see her. Maybe you can come with me!" he exclaimed smilin. I knew right then he was sober. "I've missed ya kid. Really and I know I fucked things up before but I'm sorry." he said.

"I forgive you dad but I can't go with ya. I'm leavin Boston." I said. He looked sad for a moment but then steeled his face.

"Well then...you be safe Faith. I know things with ya mama were bad. Specially when she kicked you out but I want you to know I love you and I always will." he said.

"I need to tell you something about me dad." I said. He nodded and I took a deep breath. "Dad I'm bisexual. I just thought you deserved to know just in case the next time you see me I have a girlfriend." I told him. A bunch of emotions passed over his face before it went blank. Then those words I'll never forget:

"You like boys _and _girls?" I nodded. "You disgust me. You're not my daughter. Get the fuck away from me." he said. I was shocked yeah.

"But da-" I started.

"Go!" he yelled. I stood up and hardened my face and walked away. Didn't know where I was goin but I thought I was ready.

_I don't know where this road  
Is going to lead  
All I know is where we've been  
And what we've been through.  
_

I wonder now if he had the chance would he take that back. I doubt it though. I never told anybody but Cordy bout that conversation. I just let them think what they wanted to assume bout my dad since I didn't mention him.

_If we get to see tomorrow  
I hope it's worth all the wait  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  
_

But that was just one of the bad. Sure there were a lot of bad from him and mom but every family that I know of has a few good ones. Mom getting me ready for a party. Mom tryin to teach dad to cook. Havin a pancake batter fight with both of them. Laughin and bein happy. Those memories, no matter how few there are, will keep me goin. Those along with the memories of my other family of course.

_And I'll take with me the memories  
To be my sunshine after the rain  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday._

_And I'll take with me the memories  
To be my sunshine after the rain  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday._

I don't wanna say goodbye to them. But I have too. If I don't...I'll never let go. If I can't let go it'll be hard if not impossible to move on. So that's what I'm going to do. Use the good memories to drown the bad and say goodbye.

The second song here Its So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday. The version I'm writing from is the a cappella version by Boyz II Men. This song has the same affect on a lot of people who hear it. I know the personal affect is it makes me think of people I've lost so I guess this chapter is dedicated to anybody that lost somebody close to them. in the next chapter Faith will be saying goodbye to them and if anybody has any tips on how i could write my emotions to where they're stronger could ya let me know? thanks. Um review please and I'll see ya next update. 


	12. Goodbye

Faith pov.

Been a little while since I got the news. A few days actually. I've felt...well I haven't felt nothin. Everythin seems surreal or whatever the word is ya know? Its...i don't really know. Right now I'm walkin down the stairs to the scooby meetin. Why the hell are we callin it that? The scoobs aint the only one's here so its just a meeting. Right?

"Ah Faith, its good to see you up." Wes says. Yeah I've been sorta bed bound lately. Haven't wanted to do much. Only person who's been around me constantly is B. she only leaves my room to shower or eat but then she's right back in there with me. Said she don't want me alone. Only thing her and Cordy could agree on. Cordelia's been in there too but not as much. S'all cool though. Real good ta know that B cares bout me and whatnot.

"Yeah, I wanted to let you guys know I'm leaving in the mornin." I say. Everythin gets quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Wes clears his throat.

"You're what?" he asks. I have a feelin an argument is comin but I think I'll enjoy it. Weird I know.

"Tomorrow mornin I'm leavin. Oh and before you say anythin I need to ask you guys a favor." I say.

"Anything." B says. Ya know I think I'm startin to fall more in love with her. If its possible. Even if I can't tell her how I feel.

"I know...i know what and where the key is but...i was wonderin if I could keep it to myself until I get back?" I ask. Everybody thinks it over.

"Of course you can't Faith. This is important and you should've told us the moment you found out." Riley says.

"I know I shoulda and aint no real reason I didn't. Just trust me on this ok...i think it'll be better if I'm the only one who knows until I get back." I say. He shakes his head.

"Its too important. We need to know." I sigh.

"No not really you don't. Think about it...if I'm and I'm the only one who knows don't you think she'll be wonderin if she should follow me or not. I'm sure she's listenin right now and all I'm sayin is there's a good chance she'll follow me since I'm the slayer." I say. I know its super risky but I'll take this risk.

"But Buffy's also the slayer which means there's a good chance she'll stay here." Red says. She looks confused at my logic.

"Exactly. She won't know which way ta go. Sure I know where and what the key is but what if she follows me and the key is here and you guys find out. She looses her chance with that cus you'll hide it. But what if she stays and I end up hidin the key. She wont be able to make any smart move til I come back." I say.

"But what about her minions?" Riley asks.

"What about em? You guys can take em out no problem just like I can. She send em after me and stays here I knock em off she's outta luck. She leaves em here and follows me and I don't got it she's still outta luck cus you'll be done took all em down here." I say.

"Faith's right. I mean all we know is it was sent to the slayer for protection and having two is making it hard enough to find but with them split up it'll be damn near impossible. Damn and I always thought you were as brainless as Xander." Red says. I smile when Xan exclaims he's not brainless he just doesn't like to strain it.

"Ok. You'll go and tell us when you get back home." B says. I nod.

"I still don't like this idea." Riley says. I sigh.

"Well what do you suggest and don't say tellin you what it is." I say. He thinks.

"Why do you have to leave anyway?" he asks.

"Cos I got a little brother to go and get and a triple funeral to attend." I say.

"Won't this plan endanger your brother?" he asks. Valid question.

"Hell no. hell god or not if she thinks of hurting Faith's brother I'll kill her by my lonesome." Gunn says.

"I'd gladly give my life to protect him so I don't think he's in any danger cos I'm not dyin no time soon." I say.

"Do you really have to stay for the funeral though? I mean you barely know these people." he asks. I nod.

"Yeah I do. Why does it matter so much anyway?" I ask.

"Because Faith, you're a slayer and you'll be away from the hell mouth with the biggest secret we can all imagine. How do we know that's what's really going on and you didn't set this up some kind of way. You've betrayed everyone before." Riley says.

"Where you not at the meetin before when Giles came clean about everything?" Cordelia asks.

"I've been talking with Giles. He said she forced him to say those things." he says. What the fuck. This really aint what I need right now. "I personally find it hard to believe someone would even consider giving her custody of a small child. Let alone her father. She said so herself they weren't close." he says and oddly it makes sense to me.

"Out." Angel growls out.

"Nah Fang don't kick him out. He makes a valid point. How do you all know I'm not playin ya? That I didn't just make all that shit up and make Giles tell ya? You don't really know do ya?" I ask.

"Faith are you making any of this up? Is any of this part of a sick plan you have to betray us all and take over the world?" B asks.

"Yeah." I say testin their reactions.

"That's how we know." everybody 'cept Riley says at the same time. Huh.

"Huh? I just said yeah. As in yeah it is." I say tryin to elaborate.

"Faith you're a terrible liar." Cordy says. "Then again I just know you well enough to know when you're lying." she says.

"But why don't we all go?" Riley says. Is it just me or does it seem like he don't trust me? You got that too? ok.

"Are you stupid?" cor asks. "Shut up Faith." she says before I even open my mouth. I shrug innocently. "This is the hell mouth. Left unguarded for an hour and the death toll will be so high it wont even be considered a city but a death trap." she says.

"Alright." Riley says defeated.

"I agree with Riley. Someone should be with you. Something could happen to you and we'd never be the wiser. A-and you'll be driving clear across country so yo-" I cut Wes off. It's good to know he cares.

"I'll be fine." I say. He shakes his head.

"You don't...you don't have to leave. You could have your brother sent here and...and then when this is all over you could go pay your respects when we could all accompany you. For support if you go now noone will be with you." he says. I smile.

"It'll be ok." I say.

"Take someone with you. Please?" he asks. I sigh.

"Who wants to tag along?" I ask. I notice everyone's hand is raised.

"I think I should go. Seeing as I'm your best friend and all. And I'm technically your big sister so its a given. I'll go get packed." Queen C says.

"Slow ya road there Cordy. While those two points are valid you're needed here." I say.

"No really I'm not. See?" she says. Nobody says anything. "Not needed." she says. I shake my head and smile. "You need your best friend." she says practically whining.

"Dawn is also my best friend. Can't I take her?" I ask joyce.

"If Dawn goes I go." B says.

"Calm down there slayer. I won't let nothin happen to the half pint." I say.

"Buffy you can't go anyway. Your the other slayer the hell mouth needs you. I'll go instead." Mrs. S says. I nod.

"So its settled. Joyce and Dawn will come with." I say.

"It bloody well is not settled!" Wes yells. Uh oh. He's goin into protective dad mode. "They won't be able to protect you if need be! No offense I'm sure they are more than capable of handling themselves but what if...what if a human is trying to hurt you while you're under attack by vampire?!" he asks. ok. I've made Wesley hysterical.

"Fine then...Spike. Wanna go on a road trip?" I ask. He looks shocked I asked him. Fang and Gunn look a little hurt I didn't ask them. "Hey now, don't worry you two are still my favorite guys." I say to them. Wes clears his throat. "You too Wes." I say. They all nod.

"Sure thing slay'r junior. I'll go get packed up and come back 'ere. But uh how we travlin luv, not enough bendryl in the world to get rid of the nasty sunlight allergy I 'ave?" he asks. I look at Angel and he sighs.

"You're using my car. Its the only one we'd all approve of for Faith and for you it has special windows." he says. Yeah there was an argument about how I would travel. I wanted to fly but Wes don't trust planes so I said bus and Gunn said take a bus and I'll buss you in the head. Then I said rental car and they all said they'd rent a baseball bat to beat me with. Then I said Fang's car and they all agreed.

"'Lright. See ya in a bit." Spike says. He leaves with Joyce and Dawn so they can get packed up. I look at everyone.

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." I say. B nods and leaves for the first time in what feels like years. Followed by Riley who still don't trust me, Will, Tara, Anya, and Xander. Just leaves me and my family. I like that word.

"I'm gonna go shower and head to bed. Night guys." I say. I hear them all mumble goodnight and Fred looks like she wants to bawl like a baby. Can't believe they'll miss me and I'll only be gone like two weeks.

Wes pov.

I'm not to keen on Faith traveling across the country. Its not that I don't trust Faith, quite the opposite. Despite everything from our past I'd trust her with my life. Its the world I don't trust. I know I'm not her father and she's a grown woman and a slayer at that but it doesn't stop how I feel. I want to protect her from the world. Same with the rest of the team. Faith used to make jokes calling me mr. Mom but I think it went a little deeper. I think she honestly sees me as a parental figure to them. One would assume that'd be Angel given his age but I feel like a father. They're my kids even though we're all roughly the same age. None of that matters. I remember when Faith graduated high school. I did something I swore I'd never do. I cried in public. Yes I actually cried there. I had this overwhelming pride and I couldn't hold it in. during that school year, while she mostly went to Cordelia or one of the others, she did visit me. Sometimes it was for help with school work other times not. I was honored that she wanted my help and actually asked for it when she did. If you know Faith you know she's extremely proud. But she let me inside her heart and trusted me. Most people don't feel this honored but I do. No one knows this fact but every once and a while Faith and I have heart to heart talks. Don't give me that look its the truth. It started in LA shortly after she started school. At first she was afraid to talk to me about things so she'd come into the room where I was stationed and just sit. We'd sit in a comfortable silence for hours. Me reading her just being there. Then there were nights after patrol she'd come to my apartment. After I bandaged her up we'd sit in my living room watching Cartoon network until she left. I knew not to push so I enjoyed our bonding time the way it was. Then slowly she'd start to tell me things from her past. She'd cry, I'd cry with her all the while lending my shoulder and it seems my heart as well. After a while she'd come to me for advice. There are times when she doesn't come to me and I still know to go to her. In my honest opinion, although I'm sure very few people would disagree with it, Faith is my daughter. But enough of this, I need to have a talk with her before she leaves in the morning.

"Faith?" I call from her doorway. She looks toward me and smiles.

"C'mon in Wes." she says. I go sit beside her on the bed.

"How are you?" I ask quietly.

"5x5" she says automatically. I've been meaning to ask her what the hell that means. I don't say anything so she looks at me. I hold her gaze and she sighs. "I'm 1x2 at most." she says. I nod. She slides over in her bed and I lay beside her. We stare at the ceiling in silence for a few moments before I speak up.

"Are you afraid?" I ask. I look to her and she nods.

"Terrified. I mean my dad and I were never close but we weren't exactly distant from each other either. Why would he give me of all people custody of a little kid?" she asks.

"Why wouldn't he?" I ask in return. She turns to her side facing me.

"I got bout a million reasons. How bout the fact I don't know shit bout raisin kids. What if he hates me? What if he gets hurt cus I didn't protect him? What the hell do five year olds eat?!" he asks. I can't help but smile. She sounds like my mother did when she was pregnant with my sister. Even though she already had one child already she was still terrified of doing something wrong.

"You sound like a mother." I say with a smile. She smiles then looks serious again.

"What if somebody uses my past to hurt him in someway?" she asks quietly. I don't have an answer for her except:

"Then I'll help you with this. If anybody tries to harm either of you I'll be there." I tell her.

"But Wes what if I do it wrong? I mean I could make a mistake and he'll hate me forever and I'm known for makin mistakes." she says. I hold up my arm so she can lay on my shoulder. She lays down without a question. I'm one of the two, well three now, people she trusts to hold her. Although I can only put one arm around her. I offer her whatever comfort I can.

"Don't worry." I whisper kissing her forehead slightly. I know she'll be great. I do the only thing I know that eases her mind most of the time. I sing to her.

_Step out the door and it feels like rain_

_that's the sound thats the sound on you're window pane_

_take to the streets but you can't ignore_

_that's the sound that's the sound you're waitin for _

_if ever your world starts crashing down_

_whenever your world starts crashing down_

_whenever your world starts crashing down_

_that's where you'll find me_

_yeah..._

_god love your soul and your aching bones _

_take a breath take a step meet me down below_

_everyone's the same our fingers to our toes_

_we just can't get it right but we're on the road_

_if ever your world starts crashing down_

_whenever your world starts crashing down_

_whenever your world starts crashing down _

_that's where you'll find me _

_yeah..._

_lost til you're found_

_swim til you drown_

_know that we all fall down _

_love til you hate _

_strong til you break_

_know that we all fall down_

_if ever your world starts crashing down _

_whenever your world starts crashing down _

_if ever your world starts crashing down _

_thats where you'll find... find me_

_lost til you're found_

_swim til you drown _

_know that we all fall down _

_love til you hate _

_strong til you break _

_know that we all fall down _

_all fall down_

_we all fall down _

_all fall down _

_all fall down_

_all fall down _

_all fall down _

_lost til you're found_

_swim til you drown_

_know that we all fall down _

_love til you hate_

_strong til you break_

_know that we all fall down _

by the time I'm done singing I notice she's fallen asleep. I kiss her forehead once more before extracting myself and leaving. I hope she knows the lyrics in that song apply to our relationship. I'll always be here. No matter what. And I'll catch her if she falls.

* * *

Faith pov.

So its been a few days since we got to Boston. Everything is surprisingly goin smooth. I met my brother. His name is Julian. He's fuckin adorable I tell ya! Cordy is gonna fall in love when she sees him. I promise you there isn't a cuter kid on the planet. I mean he's got dark hair, trait from dad, dark brown eyes and dimples ta break ya heart. Joyce and D hell even Spike are wrapped around his little crayon lovin finger. Right now me and him are in what I've come to learn was my dad's place. Its fuckin nice. He lost touch with my little sister a few years ago. Told him she didn't want nothin ta do with him ever again. I called her, she said she wasn't comin to the funeral. I'm not gonna say nothin bout it though. I'm sure she's got a good reason for bein pissed at him. All she said was sum up the next year and a half of child support and send it to her. After that she don't want nothin to do with nothin with the name Lehane attached to it. She even changed her last name. Thomas it is now I think. She don't want nothin ta do with me and ju ju bean s'cool with me. I don't wanna share him anyway.

"Faith!" I hear Julian call me. I walk down the hall to what I'm thinkin was dad's room.

"Sup ju ju bean?" I ask. I don't know where the hell ju ju bean came from but he likes it.

"Daddy said if him had ta go away and I got ta meet you to give you this." he says handin me a letter. Wow never thoughta my dad as the cliché type.

"Thanks. Wanna read it with me?" I ask. Kid is smart. He can read pretty good for a 5 year old. He's like on first grade level already I think. He nods and crawls into my lap when I sit on the bed. I take a deep breath and open it and start to read out loud:

_dear princess,_

_I'm not even gonna use that line 'if you're readin thin I'm dead.' that's pretty obvious. But I know I may not be your favorite person but I got a few things I need ta get offa my chest. First of I wanna say I'm sorry. For everythin. Your super bad childhood, not introducin ya to Julian, whom I'm assumin you've just met, for how I acted the last time I saw ya. I didn't...i swear I didn't mean it. I'd never disown you I was out of it. I aint no excuse I know I was wrong and I'll always be sorry for that. I love you ya know. Never really showed it or said it much but I do. Always have always will. NO MATTER WHAT. But you're not...you're not really my kid. I know it sounds like I'm lyin cus ya look a hell of a lot like me. If you're readin this out loud stop now. You're not human kiddo. You're momma aint you're momma. I always knew all this. I never wanted to say nothin cus I mean that would mean I accepted you weren't my baby girl no more. And you are. You and your sister are my pride and joys. Don't get me wrong I love the boys, Damien and Julian too but you three girls are somethin special. You and Chasity, you're slayers. I'm not too sure what those are exactly but I know they're very important. Hero's of some sort. I'm proud. Kennedy is gonna be one too but you and Chas are gonna be the big dogs. Your real momma she was some kinda angel. Never got to thank her for sendin you two here. You remember when we found out your sister died and you thought I didn't care? I did. I do. I was fuckin furious. I mean I lost one of my little girls cos'a some fool wanna drink and drive! But I'd be lyin if I said I wasn't happy it was just her. I don't know what I woulda did if it were both of you. I killed that guy. I did. Felt he deserved it. He took a hero and part of my life so I took his. But I know nobody don't deserve ta die. Now you're sister Kennedy she's a wild one. She's got a tongue on her that'll beat ya cripple if ya aint careful. We just recently had a big fight so she probably wont be at the funeral. S'ok though. I'm surprised yet glad you came. I want you to pay the rest of her child support payments for me. Its crazy to think I own a company aint it? But I do. Use it in a good way. Wolfram and Hart aint nothin ta play with. I want you ta get rid of all the demons in it. Use some of your friends and get new lawyers and shit. Good ones. Make me even more proud slayer. Now my boys. Damien and Julian. Tell em I love them too. I was a shit father ta alla ya but I don't want nothin bad happenin. Aint enough paper in the world for me to say everythin I need to. So I'ma say this. I want you all happy. Fight for your happiness and get and hold on to it. You'll be a good mom for the kid cus ya got a good heart. Have you seen this movie...the Bucket list? No? You should. I fuckin love it. Anyway I gotta go. Don't know how long it'll be til you get this but me and grandma love you guys. Bye. _

_Dad."_

by the time I'm done I'm cryin. Who woulda guessed my dad was the owner of Wolfram and Hart? Not me. But I knew he was a good guy. I haven't see the bucket list but I'll watch it tonight. If he liked it it musta been good. I look at Julian and sees he's asleep. I think dad is right. I'll be a good mom. I hear a noise and look up and see Damien.

"Day." I say. He smiles at me and looks at Julian

"Who's your friend?" he asks. Ya know as long as he's been outta Boston he still has a strong accent.

"He's our little brother. Julian. But I'm like gonna be his mom now." I say. He looks at Julian's sleepin form and smiles.

"You'll be great." he says. He gives me a small hug from the side but lets go quickly. He knows everythin about my childhood so he knows about my fears. But I think he needed that comfort more than me.

"Hey day?" he looks at me with a raise eyebrow. "We own a company now." I say. We look at each other then off into the distance. At the same time we mutter:

"hmmm."

today is the funeral. I thought I'd be all tears but I'm not. I watched the movie last night and it was kinda sad. I liked it though. A song stood out to me and I'm gonna sing it today. Julian is sittin with Damien and Chasity. I didn't know she was here until we got to the church. I forgot to tell her but she aint made. My name is called by the priest and I'm not nervous or nothin. I get up and offer the few family members a smile.

"I don't really have nothin to say about these three people here. Well that's a lie but if I said it all we'd be here til our grandkids were 90. but there's this song I wanna sing and I think you'll get the message. Before I start though I do wanna say that I loved these three people and I'm sure they're watchin us from wherever." I say. Everyone nods even if they don't agree. Most of the people came outta respect not cos they cared. Don't matter though, s'long as somebody came. The music starts and I start to sing shortly after:

_Take all of your wasted honor  
Every little past frustration  
Take all of your so-called problems,  
Better put 'em in quotations_

_Say what you need to say _

_Say what you need to say _

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say _

_Say what you need to say _

_Say what you need to say _

_Say what you need to say _

_Walking like a one man army  
Fighting with the shadows in your head  
Living out the same old moment  
Knowing you'd be better off instead,  
If you only could . . .  
_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Have no fear for giving in  
Have no fear for giving over  
You'd better know that in the end  
Its better to say too much  
Then never say what you need to say again_

_Even if your hands are shaking  
And your faith is broken  
Even as the eyes are closing  
Do it with a heart wide open  
_

_Say what you need to say x24  
_

when the music fades out a few people are actually cryin. Guess they had some stuff they'll never get to say. I'm about to leave but I say one last thing.

"I may not have said much to them over the years and I'll always regret it. But right now I want to say mom, dad, and grandma, I love you guys. Goodbye."

so there's another long chapter. The first song is all fall down by onerepublic. I wrote the lyrics from memory so if they're wrong lemme know. Although I'm pretty sure they're right. The second song is Say by John mayer from the bucket list. I know it wasn't even out then but I felt like writing it in. yes I copied and pasted and I didn't feel like writing say what you need to say 24 times at the end. I'm lazy like that. Readers please be patient for I will start focusing on more fuffy soon! Review please.


	13. Dreams

Faith pov.

_Runnin' away_

I don't know how we got here. Me and B. one minute we're just friends and now? Now she's tellin me she wants me.

_I had the perfect girl we'd spend together hours everyday_

_could say that I had it made and I was all for the commitment_

_but then she started wantin more from me and my mind began to change _

_suddenly I didn't feel the same_

_I didn't know what I was doin'_

_I was dodgin commitment _

_start but don't finish_

_my aims always the same girl I know I've been trippin_

_I'm confessin I'm confessin so baby just hear me out_

_I'm confessin I'm confessin so baby just hear me out_

_I wanna show my heart but I don't know where to start_

but ya see no matter how much I love B, I can't be with her. I want to but I'm not willin to take the risk of the possibility of getting hurt. Not again. Not now.

_So I keep runnin'_

_real love's in my face so why am I breakin away_

_I keep runnin _

_so scared of heartbreak_

_so scared of makin mistakes_

_I keep runnin_

_when I all I really need is you _

_all I really need is you_

_I keep on runnin away_

if I'm not with her no heartache. But why do I feel like she'd be the only one to never hurt me.

"Faith, I love you." she says lookin me in the eye holdin onto my hand. I pull away from her touch and her gaze

_I caught my second wind of happiness when I met this girl and then_

_we became the best of friends_

_we went from half full to half empty_

_I took a detour tryina find myself while I'm on this road again_

_want outta this box I'm in_

_I made it harder to be with me_

we're arguin right now. I'm givin her all the reasons she couldn't love me.

"B! I'm fuckin evil! Don't you get it?! I'm the devil's child! I'm not now, never have been, and never will be one of the good guys!" but it don't work on her.

_I was dodgin commitment_

_start but don't finish_

_my aims always the same girl _

_I know I've been trippin_

_I'm confessin I'm confessin so baby just hear me out_

_I'm confessin I'm confessin so baby just hear me out_

_I wanna show my heart but I don't know where to start_

"Tell me how you feel Faith. About me. Tell me what's in there." she says pointin to where my heart is.

_So I keep runnin_

_real love's in my face why am I breakin away_

_I keep runnin_

_so scared of heartbreak_

_so scared of makin mistakes_

_I keep runnin_

_when all I really need is you _

_all I really need is you_

_but I keep on_

_runnin away_

I don't say nothin. Somethin's gotta convince this girl we aint gonna work.

"You love me." its not a question cus she already knows. How do I tell her though? I look in her eyes and I know I'm not gonna run from this much longer. She's determined.

"I'm raisin a kid." I try weakly. She smiles a little. She knows she's convincin me.

"We'll deal."

_I'm bout to break down baby I'm done_

_no I can't keep up runnin this marathon_

_no need to race when I've already won_

_and if I got you by my side then I've already won_

_it's like lookin for a treasure when its already mine_

_it don't make sense don't make sense no matter how hard I try to defy_

_I'm comin face to face with myself(self)_

_I know I don't need don't need noone else(else)_

_so can somebody tell me where I'm goin_

_so can somebody tell me where I'm goin_

_I keep runnin_

_when real love's in my face why am I breakin away_

_I keep runnin_

_so scared of heartbreak _

_so scared of makin mistakes_

_I keep runnin _

_when all I really need is you_

_all I really need is you_

_so I keep on_

_runnin away_

_I keep runnin_

_real love's in my face why am I breakin away_

_I keep runnin_

_so scared of heartbreak_

_so scared of makin mistakes_

_I keep runnin_

_when all I really need is you_

_all I really need is you_

_so I keep on_

_runnin away_

so what's the point? There isn't one. I'm scared plain and simple.

"Alright B. You're right you know." I say to her. She fuckin beams. Not smiles. Beams.

"Right about what?" she asks. I give her a look. Oh she's gonna make me say it.

"I love you." I say. Right before I kiss her everything fades.

I sit up lookin around. The hell? I'm still in my hotel room in Boston?! But it was so...ah fuck. I can't believe that was a dream. So fuckin real but it wasn't. But you know something? I'm fuckin through! I am! No more runnin. I want Buffy. I've always wanted her. I'm going to take the risk when everything is over and tell her how I've always felt. She used to feel somethin too. I know it. I might not be the smartest thing but I aint blind either. But first I have to get home. Where is that? Sunnydale. Its where B is.

Buffy pov.

I had the strangest dream. It was about me and Faith. No that's not the strange part. The strange part was the fact it was so real. I told her I wanted to be with her. We argued it out because at first she wanted to pretend she wasn't good enough but I held firm. I wanted her and I got her. She was about to kiss me but I woke up. So yeah I might be a little moody today. I wanted my kiss. Real or not. But that dream gives me confidence. Just knowing that it could really play out like that. Its a possibility. Slim but it could happen. I know that when all of this is over? I'm going to get my girl.

So this was a quick update. The song is runnin' by jesse McCartney. Its from his new album and I typed the lyrics from memory so hopefully they're right. That entire album is great. He sounds much more mature vocally. Anyway review please. 


	14. The Night Before

Cordelia pov.

Tonight is the night. The date. My date with Fred. What was that? Am I nervous? Puh-leez. Pfft. I'm queen C. Cordelia Chase is not nervous so you just wipe the smile off your face now. What? I have not tried on thirty seven outfits in the past hour. Uh yes I am aware that the date is in two hours. Yes I am also aware of the fact that I'm having an internal conversation with myself. I am not crazy! Just...not exactly sane at the moment. Well ex-key-use the hell outta me! Have you seen Fred?! She's fucking gorgeous! I have to look perfect. If I do-

"Cordelia!" I hear. Ugh, is there a reason Gunn is interrupting my self to self convo?

"Yeah!" I yell back.

"Buffy's here and she said she needs to see you!" he yells to me. I think. Do I want to see Buffy. Well hell no I don't want to _see _her. The only person I want to see is Fred. But I'll talk to her.

"Send her up!" I yell opening my door. I go back to my closet and finally I find the perfect dress. ah. Its blue and stops mid way between the knee and thigh. Its also cut just enough to expose a little cleavage but not enough to make me look like I'm trying to expose any.

"Cordy?" I hear that annoying voice and I want to pitch her out of a window. Why do I hate Buffy you ask? Well I don't. I'm just not particularly fond of her. She's hurt Faith and that gets anybody on my bad list.

"Hmm?" but I can be civil. I look up at her and she looks nervous. Oh yeah. Fear me. I am Cordy hear me roar. Grrrr.

"C-can I talk to you?" she asks fidgeting. Why do I feel like this may be important? I sigh. I'll be nice.

"Shoot." I say. She looks at me before looking down.

"Um I- I'm sorry about Faith. About what I did to her. I know I've hurt her and I'm sorry." she says. Come again?

"Ok, why are you apologizing to me. My name is Cordelia. Not Faith." I say. She looks at me a little annoyed. Ok so I was kind of treating her like she's stupid. I couldn't help it.

"Because she cares about you." is all she says. I look at her and I'm thinking 'And?!' she sees my look and continues. "And I care about her. A lot. And I also know that if you don't approve of me, there will never be anything between Faith and I and I wanted you to know that I will never hurt her again. I care about her too much." she says. Well she's wrong about that. Even if I don't approve, if Faith is interested she's a grown woman and is perfectly capable of making decisions. Sure she may ask but even if she doesn't get it she'll date who she wants.

"Look Buffy, Faith is an adult. I know I don't exactly treat her like one but that's my protective side. If she wants to be with you she will be. My approval or not. I'm not her mother. But you have to understand a few empty words will not change my opinion of you when it comes to her. If you ask me, I really don't think you care about her but you might want to." I say. Maybe there is a little of that old blunt Cordelia in me.

"I do care about her. You do-" I cut her off.

"Don't Buffy. If you care about her don't say it show it. Treat her with the respect she treats you with. Stand up for her the way she would you when your little boyfriend is talking shit. Until you do that I will firmly believe you don't care about her." I tell her. She's getting mad. Ohh scary.

"Don't you dare tell me I don't respect her. I love her and she knows it. She might not believe it but she knows how I feel." she says. Well no she doesn't.

"Whatever Buffy. Like I said, don't say it, show it." I say turning back to my closet. "Oh and Buffy?" I call.

"What?" she answers.

"If you hurt her I'll show you that you don't need to be super strong to kill a slayer." I say.

"Alright." she says after a few long minutes. Now, what shoes should I wear.

Buffy pov.

I went and talked to Cordelia. Now I just have to talk to the rest of them. But hey, the hard part is over. I really don't need to talk to them but I want them to know I have not intention of hurting her ever again. She means too much. When I'm done with them, I'll break up with Riley. Yep. I'm setting myself up to get the girl.

Fred pov.

Right now I'm trying to find something to wear for my date with Cordelia. I'm nervous but I don't plan on showing it. But it will probably be hard to hide. I mean I have a date with the most beautiful girl you could imagine and I plan on hiding my nervousness. Yeah right. Its just that I want to impress her so badly and she's so...so perfect. I know I know 'nobody is perfect Fred. No matter how close they seem.' but even if she isn't literally perfect, she's perfect to me. She's so caring. And, while a lot may disagree, kind. But she doesn't show that to just anyone. I think that everyone who gets to see it is lucky. But the luckiest person? me. I'm the one she asked out on a date. So yes I do believe I am the luckiest person to ever live. And while I may not have known her very long, I THINK I'm in love with her. I'm not sure yet but I really think so. I hear a knock on my door. Hmmm... I have over an hour to get ready, I can talk for a bit.

"Come in." I say. Buffy peaks her head around the door. Ah Buffy Summers. Not the most popular person to grace our presence but loved enough.

"Uh hi Fred." she says. She's a really sweet girl. I just wish I could get Charles and Cordelia to see that.

"Hi Buffy. What's up?" I ask conversationally.

"Not too much. I just wanted to say, even though I don't know where you two stand, I'm sorry for the way I treated Faith before." she says. ah. It always comes down to Faith. Oh no don't mistake this for bitterness but I've noticed lately anything pertaining to Buffy in one way or another relates to Faith.

"Well I stand as someone who cares a lot about her. But I'm not the one you should apologize too." I say. She nods.

"I know but it feels right to apologize to her family as well as her. I'll apologize when she gets home." she says. Well I hope so. Cordelia'll have her head if she doesn't. Speaking of the beautiful ms. Chase.

"Have you talked to Cordelia?" I ask. She nods wide eyes. oh...must've went well. She's still alive.

"Oh yeah." she says. I can't help but smile at what Cordelia could have possibly said. She's so damn cute! "But that's all I wanted. I'll see you around. Oh and have fun on your date." she says with a smile walking out the door. Oh she just had to remind me didn't she...

Faith pov.

Tomorrow night we'll be going home. Right now I'm watching what has to be the craziest sight ever. Spike and Julian wrestling. And Julian is winning. The crazy part? Spike is really trying.

"Bloody hell! What kinda milk ya drinkin boy?" spike asks after getting flipped again.

"Language." I warn from my suitcase.

"Its a place not a curse word." spike grumbles. He's attached to my little partner in crime already.

"Faith?" I hear from my doorway. I look up and see joyce standin there. Oh yeah gotta figure out a way to keep her outta sunnyD. If I don't she'll die.

"Yeah?" I say back.

"Well I was wondering, since you'll have to put Julian in a booster seat, do you think tomorrow while he's at school you could drop me off at my sister Denise's house. Its only about an hour's drive north and I really want to catch up with her." she says. hm.

"Sure. When you want me to pick ya up?" I ask. She thinks it over.

"How about you have Buffy call me when everything back home is over?" she asks. Fuckin right! I don't gotta convince her to leave.

"Sure thing ms. S." I say. She offers me one of those mom smiles and I have to smile back.

"Hey Julian?" she calls him. He looks up from his spot where he's usin spike as a horse.

"Huh?" he answers. She kneels and he runs straight to her. He's so innocent and trusting. I'm glad I can trust joyce cus I know with out a second thought, anybody who tried to hurt him I'd kill.

"Well, I'm going to be visiting my big sister for a while and I wanted to say bye." she says huggin him.

"You're not comin with us?" he asks slightly disappointed. He's lovin all the attention I know. She shakes her head.

"Nah, but I will be home soon. Be a good boy for your sister and try not to beat Spike up too much." she says smiling. I can't see his face but I know he's smilin back.

"Okay." he says. She stands and nods at me before leavin. JuJu bean goes back to beatin on Spike and I go back to packin. I decide to text B real quick cus I'm tired of keepin this secret.

'hey B, don't ask too many questions now, I'll explain it when I get there but Dawn is the key. Tell the scoobs tomorrow at 8 pm. Not before then.' I text. I wait a few minutes for a response.

'are you sure?' I knew she'd have At least one question. How can I be sure its her I'm textin? Just am. Like a sixth sense or whatever.

'yeah'

'ok, drive safe.' I close my phone and look at the blond kid on the floor with my brother.

"Ok you two, time for bed." I say. They both groan. Damn, I swear spike is more of a kid than Julian.

"Aww c'mon, five more minutes?" Spike asks.

"Uh, no. bed." I say grabbin Julian up and spinnin him a little. He laughs a bit and when I put him down he goes straight to the pajamas I have out.

"Lright slay'r junior. G'night. And don't worry. You'll do fine with the boy." he says before going to his room. I know I will.

Short update. One of a few that'll be out today. Keep your eyes peeled. I plan on updating most of my stories.


	15. Usher

Faith pov.

B is everywhere.

_This is for you, you, my number one  
This is for you, you, my number one  
This is for you, you, my number one _

she's in my dreams. She's occupyin my thoughts. Hell I'm brushin my teeth and here she is in my head.

_Spotlights, big stage  
Fifty thousand fans screamin' in a rage  
Bodyguards and limousines  
This is the way I see you in my dreams  
Paparazzi flash, hundred pictures all of you  
Hangin' on my bedroom wall  
I'm a kid again, I feel like thirteen  
But I knew since we fell in love  
Girl I'd be _

thing is she don't even know what she means to me. Not yet. But I'm sayin I doubt she'll ever know how much I love her.

Buffy pov.

God I'm trying to break up with Riley right now and Faith is taking over my mind.

_I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
I'm your number one fan, give me your autograph  
Sign it right here on my heart  
Girl I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
And as your number one fan  
I'll do all that I can  
To show you how super you are _

she's going to make a wonderful mother to that little boy. And you know she talked to Cordelia earlier and we still don't know his name. Its ok though. He's a member of Faith's family and legally her son so I'll love him no matter what.

_Front row, there I am  
Jumpin' and hollerin' waving both hands  
Would you notice me, Little me  
Drove twelve hours girl just to see  
Your pretty face one more time  
Bought my ticket I was first in line  
This is a metaphor to show how I adore (I adore you)  
Baby I do _

but given our history I wonder would she ever give me a chance.

Faith pov.

I mean she and I got history and not all of it good. But then again technically most of it aint even ours.

_I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
I'm your number one fan, give me your autograph  
Sign it right here on my heart  
Girl I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
And as your number one fan  
I'll do all that I can  
To show you how super you are _

she's everything I'll ever look for in a woman. Strong, confident, sexy, kind hearted, and she's smart. She's just...Buffy.

_Now you know how I feel  
You're truly special  
Your love is legendary to me  
Without you my life stands still _

how I lived without her before I'll never know.

Buffy pov.

I know now that I'd never be complete if she left my life. She's everything I'll ever want and more. So much more. What I felt for Angel has nothing on this. This is the real deal.

_I'll never leave your world  
Treat you like a diva girl  
Girl you're one of a kind  
Cuz they don't make 'em like you anymore  
So I'll be your fan for life  
I dedicate this to my superstar for all time_

_if I'm lucky she'll give me a chance to love her. If she does? There will be no going back. I will go to the ends of the earth, I will fight the devil himself, to stay with her._

_Faith pov._

_Ya know if she even likes me a little and gives us a shot? Aint nothin gonna break us up if I can help it. Hell nah. I mean what I feel for her is real. So real it scares the hell outta me. Well alotta things scare me deep down but this tops em all._

_I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
I'm your number one fan, give me your autograph  
Sign it right here on my heart  
Girl I'll be your groupie baby  
Cuz you are my superstar  
And as your number one fan  
I'll do all that I can  
To show you how super you are _

ya know I changed my mind. I'm not waitin til this shit with Glory is over. Hell nah. It might be too late by then. I'm tellin her tomorrow. As soon as we get a moment alone, I'm tellin her.

Riley pov.

Last night Buffy broke up with me and broke my heart. I loved her. I still do. I'd do anything for her. I'd change my life if I had too. She said it was because she didn't love me anymore. I wonder if its because of the way I act when we're slaying. Or does she know about the vamps I'm still letting feed off of me.

_please stay don't go i dont want it to be over_

_give me another chance _

_I wanna be your man_

_Girl you got me_

_Down here on my knees_

_for your love_

_Would you help me?  
Tell me what you want from me ohhh...  
Can u help me?  
I don't understand  
Girl I just a man  
Help me  
Can help me  
With out you my whole  
world is falling apart  
And without you girl I'm  
going crazy! Life a  
prison without your love _

I begged her. I really did. But she said she was in love with someone else. And I know who it is. Its that slut! You'd have to be blind to not see it! But that's ok. I'll put an end to her. She'll never have my girl. I'll make sure of it.

* * *

Faith pov

I slept good last night. Had a good little convo with Julian while I was walkin him to the bus stop:

"_hey Faith?" I looked down at the little person who's holdin onto my hand like its a lifeline._

"_Yeah?" I answered back._

"_Are you gonna be my new mommy?" he asked. I was shocked by the question. I stopped walkin and looked at him. I knelt down so that we were almost eye to eye._

"_Is that what you want?" I asked him. Honestly it was all up to him. He thought for a minute._

"_Yeah. My friend roger said when his real mommy went away a new lady came and tooked care of him and his daddy. She wroted her name on some papers and 'came his mommy forreal." he says. I smile._

"_Well then. I guess I'm gonna be your new mommy." I said. I was still scared shitless. But the smile on his face was and is worth all the fear._

"_Cool! Hey can I call you mom?" he asked. Doesn't bother me none. From what I hear his mom was like mine times twelve._

"_Sure thing bud. But your about to be late for school so lets go." I said. We walked and we still got there early. As we stood and waited he tugged my hand. "Huh?" I looked at him. He looked up at me with these huge hazel eyes._

"_Are you gonna sell me like my other mommy did?" he asked. The look in his eyes broke my heart. I picked him up this time._

"_Nope. You're never gonna get rid of me. And when we get back home with my friends you get to meet your aunt Cordy, and your uncle Gunn, and uncle Angel. And Wesley." I said settlin him on my hip. Yeah he's a little old to hold like this but its no problem for me. _

"_Who's Wesley?" he asked. I thought and only one title came to mind_

"_Grandpa." I said._

So now I have to call and tell Wes that Julian thinks his name is grandpa.

"Wesley! How ya doin b-" he cuts me off.

"What did you do?" he asks. I don't know what he's talkin about.

"Huh?" I ask innocently.

"Faith?" he questions/warns.

"IkindatoldjulianyouwerehisnewgrandpasinceIsortathinkayouasanotherdad." I said quickly. He was quiet for a moment.

"Well...I'm honored. What time will you be arriving?" he asked. Wait huh?

"Huh? You're cool with it? Just like that?!" I asked loudly into the phone.

"Yes I am. Now what time will you be arriving. There's this new movie for small children, Lilo and stitch I believe, out on dvd. I want to have it ready for him." he says.

"Uh, bout 8:30." I say. Wow.

"Alright. I'll see you then. Oh and Faith?" he asks

"Huh?" I respond.

"What's his favorite food?" he asks.

"Pizza." I say.

"Very well. Be safe." he says then he hangs up. Wow. I...damn I love that man!

So here's a quick update. Oh yeah if I was talkin to ya earlier or yesterday or something like that I had reached my maximum number of private messages for one day so I couldn't reply. So the songs aren't mine. They're usher's. The first one is superstar from his confessions album the second, can you help me from his 8701 album. The second one is only the bridge or final verse I think and the chorus. Anyway reviews would be nice. Ya know make me feel good. oh and just to be polite i'll translate the monstrosity from above... i kinda told julian you were his new grandpa since i sorta thinka you as another dad.


	16. Can't Catch A Break

Buffy pov.

She'll be home soon. Probably another few hours. God I can't wait to see her. I've missed her so much. It seems so...i don't know surreal. The fact that I love her as much as I do and I'd do anything to be around her. I found out why she and kate broke up. Cordelia doesn't know thank the heavens. If she found out she cheated on Faith she would have hell to pay.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen  
She had some trouble with herself  
He was always there to help her  
She always belonged to someone else  
_

I wonder how things are going to play out for her and I. It was recently brought to my attention that maybe Faith isn't the most confident person. Sure she's all cocky and everything but maybe its just a cover up for the low self-esteem.

_I drove for miles and miles  
And wound up at your door  
I've had you so many times but somehow  
I want more _

she and I have been in so many situations with each other and I secretly loved everyone of them. When we sparred or when we fought and she touched my skin or if I was her only focus it made me feel special. But what if she doesn't want to be with me now? Or what's worse. What if she doesn't think she CAN be with me?

_I don't mind spending everyday  
Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved  
She will be loved _

Maybe she'll think since she's...well you know. I have trouble saying that because its so hard to believe. I've heard the term devil's child before but with her its literal. What if she thinks that'll make me not love her? What if that makes her afraid to love me?

_Tap on my window knock on my door  
I want to make you feel beautiful  
I know I tend to get so insecure  
It doesn't matter anymore _

I've seen her emotions once. I know that when she feels, she feels strongly. She never likes you a little or just tolerates you. She feels with everything inside of her soul and I know if we were to be, I wouldn't have to worry. I wouldn't have insecurities because if she wants me that means she wants me. All the usual jealousy would fly out the window.

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies  
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah  
My heart is full and my door's always open  
You can come anytime you want  
_

I don't expect her to just jump into my arms or anything like that. Although I'd love for that to happen. I know its going to take time. If I can ever really get up that courage. And its going to be hard. She has a kid to worry about now. And we're slayers and this hell bitch Glory. Ugh! Can't I just catch a break and tell the woman I love her with out an apocalypse staring me in the face?!

_I don't mind spending everyday  
Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved _

With everything that could possibly keep us apart? Oddly none of it matters to me. As long as in the end I still have that chance. A chance to be with her. To have a family with her. Wait. Family? I do- I want that. I really do.

_I know where you hide  
Alone in your car  
Know all of the things that make you who you are  
I know that goodbye means nothing at all  
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls_

Tap on my window knock on my door  
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday  
Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved  
And she will be loved

even if she never knows it I'll love her until the end. Never going to stop, never wanting to stop. Even if she doesn't want me too. And I want her to...i want her to come to me with any problem she might have. Even if we're not together, I want her to be able to talk to me. About anything. Current boyfriend, or girlfriend. And if she's ever hurt I'll catch her and pick up the pieces. But hopefully that won't happen because we'll be happy and together.

Faith pov.

Right now Spike and Dawn are tellin Julian about vampires and all the other things that go bump and the night and all those oogy boogy types. Is it a good idea to tell a five year old about this? no. is it a good idea to tell THIS five year old? Hell yeah. Don't want him tryin to stake Angel like he did with spike. He was so close until I told him Spike was my friend. Ah finally. Home. The mansion never looked so good. I hop out the car and make my way to the back to help my son out. Hehe. I like that.

"Mommy?" hehehe. It still makes me feel all...different to hear that.

"Yeah?" I answer. He looks at me.

"Spike say vampires can't get in unless ya invites em in." he says.

"That's right." I say. Not real sure where this is goin.

"What do that mean?" he asks. Ah curiosity. This will be fun.

"You want me to show you?" I ask and he nods. I smile and lean over and tell dawn to go open the front door. She runs to the mansion and I can see her motioning for somebody to stay back. "Ready?" I ask Julian. Spike isn't paying attention. I pick spike up really quick.

"Bloody hell! What 're you doin?!" he asks. I throw him towards the door but the shield stops him. "Ow! You are so gonna pay for that junior!" he yells I laugh and pick Julian up. He's laughin too. Spike chases us out a little tryin not to laugh but I cut him off and head for the mansion. As soon as I'm inside the threshold I stick my tongue out at him.

"See Julian. He can't get in unless we invite him in. well uncle Angel has to do it." I tell him. He nods and I put him down.

"Faith, my home is your home." Angel says. Hmm. I wonder. I turn and look at Spike. Ah I'll let him in.

"Come in." I say. He moves past me and is he pouting? Ha! He is! Big bad William the Bloody is pouting! I just smile. I'm not gonna pick on him. Right now anyway. I feel somethin on my leg and look down and see Julian hiding behind it. But its not cus he's shy. If I've learned anything about him its that he's not shy. I look at him and I see fear. I furrow my brows.

"Mommy?" he whispers. I kneel down.

"What's wrong kiddo?" I ask. He looks past my head then at me.

"That man scares me." he says. I look back past my head to where he's lookin and I see Riley.

"The buff guy?" I ask and he nods. I'm confused yeah but I'm not gonna question him. If he's scared he's just scared. "Riley get out." I say. I look at him and he looks shocked but I'm not backin down.

"Huh?" he asks.

"If you can huh you can hear. Get out." I say. He looks to Buffy for help but she's too busy lookin at me confused. I raise an eyebrow seein if she's gonna question it. She doesn't say nothin.

"Somethin is comin." Julian says. I look at him quickly. I'm startin to wonder exactly was up with him.

"Good or bad?" I ask. I know everybody's lookin at me like I'm crazy askin a kid about his but hey, I'm gonna trust his instinct.

"Bad. Real bad. He did it." he says pointin at Riley. Angel's the first one on him.

"What did you do?" he growls out.

"Nothing! You're going to listen to a kid who can barely tie his own shoes?!" Riley asks.

"Fuck you." I hear Julian say. Wow. I know my eyebrows must be part of my ponytail right now.

"Language Julian." I scold. I feel it too now. What ever it is its bad as hell.

"Thanks Riley." we hear from the door. Fuck! He's been plottin with Glory?!

"You stupid son of a bitch!!" I yell.

"Language mommy." Julian whispers. Ah hell. This kid here. I see her lookin and her eyes land on me?! The hell she doin that for?!

"Come on now my precious key." she says chargin at me.

"Julian!" I yell and he knows what to do. He puts up a protection spell around himself. I toss him over to Angel who catches him quickly but hands him over to Wesley. There was a reason I threw him to Angel ya know. I lung at her but she swats me down so she can handle everyone else in the room. I'm trying to get to her but I can. She's kickin and punchin and we're getting the shit beat outta us. She finally sets her eyes on me. She charges at me quickly and I don't even have enough time to dodge her hit. I'm dazed as fuck and she uses that as an opportunity. She flings me over her shoulder and on her way out the door she hits my head on the beam.

"Did that hurt?" she asks. I groan. "Good." she says and I lose consciousness.

I know this chapter probably makes no sense. I have no idea what's goin on in my brain right now but lemme know what ya think bout it??


	17. The begining?

Faith pov.

_Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in  
All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin' _

this bitch is tryina hurt me. Tryina get me to lose that will to live. But I won't lose it.

"You think she could ever love you?! You really are fucking crazy!" she laughs. Even if she don't love me, she wont let me die.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me _

"If I kill you now, you'll just go back to hell with your family. But... I figure I might as well have a little fun." she says stabbin me with a dull knife. Is this what Wes felt? _God I'm so sorry. _Tears roll down my face

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story  
And oh I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'  
_

I wonder would I ever make it. To heaven. Is there really a heaven? Gotta be since there's obviously a hell. Right? I think so cus I'm livin in it.

"Tell me Faithy, do you think you're worthy of her love?" she asks.

"Y-yes." I croak out as she pours gasoline on one of my wounds before strikin a match to it.

"Wrong answer." she says. "Oh don't worry. I won't kill you. I need you to get home!" she says cheerily.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me _

I wonder what it feels like to be good enough. Not just for B but for anybody.

"Why would anybody want you Faith, look at you! You're disgusting!" she spits out. She sounds like my mother. "You're mother was so right wasn't she? You can't be loved can you? You don't deserve it." she says. She's right. I don't.

"B-but it could happen.." my words trail off into a scream as she breaks my wrist again.

"No, it can't." she says.

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh, I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'  


"Does you're life have a point to it Faithy? Are you still the fuck up slayer?" she asks.

"Ye-yeah I am." I gasp out as she touches one of my wounds with dry ice.

"Yes what?" she asks.

"I-I'm still a fuck up." I whisper. She smiles, or I think she does. Can't really tell with my eye swollen shut. All the wounds, all the cuts, they're practically closed. She burns them to clot the blood. She just wants me to feel the pain. And that's ok cos I deserve it.

"That's right. What happens to fuck ups and bad girls?" she asks in that motherly tone.

"Th...they get...punished." I manage to choke out.

"That's right." she says before crackin a chain across my back. I hear shufflin around then I hear that sweet angelic voice.

"Faith?! Oh my god! Faith! Just...just hang in there ok? Just hang on until the paramedics get here." B says frantically. "I am going to end you." she growls out at glory. Or it could be me. Not sure. But I don't think I can hold on. I don't want to. I'm not needed here. But I will if I have a reason and so far I don't have one. B is up fightin I suppose but everything is getting darker for me. I don't know if I'm hot or cold. I feel like I'm slippin. Where to I don't know but I'm slippin. And...it peaceful.

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me_

I just need to hear those three words though. From somebody. Anybody. I want to feel them. But I don't think I ever will. And if I do...it'll be too late.

_Hurry I'm fallin' _

I think I see my father. I'm not... I don't know. But I'm feeling really hot. Like I just stepped inside an inferno. And its comfortable for some reason. This can't be right.

"Faith! Stay awake! The ambulance will be here soon! Please don't die!" B yells. She don't want me to die. But then I'll be with my family. "I need you." but then again, I guess I was worth savin.

Buffy pov.

She almost died. That bitch almost killed her. And I think she wanted to die. I don't know what she did to my Faith but I'm not going to let her leave me. Not without telling her how I feel. But I'd prefer to do it if she's conscious.

_Ignorance is bliss  
You'd always hear me say  
But at times you can't deny  
Those eyes looking your way__  
_

when I first met her I thought the dumbest thing. Pretend these feelings don't exist and they'll go bye bye. Didn't happen. Then I used Angel as an excuse when in reality the moment I laid eyes on her I was over him. I know it seems a little unrealistic but when I saw her I knew Angel wasn't my true love. Just my first.

_Let me begin by saying what I mean  
It's a crime against the heart you know  
To be somewhere in between _

but I pretended like I didn't feel anything other than friendship towards her. Well in the beginning I was a total bitch to her but ya know it was part of the whole denial thing. But when I mean you'd have to be absolutely blind to miss the way I blushed when she **breathed **around me. I had it bad. I denied it bad. It hurt me worse.

_Well don't be shy  
I've got an open heart and hand  
And I just might have to confess just where I stand _

then everything else that happened was just...another excuse to not be attracted. To not love her. I mean they were valid reasons yeah, but not in the beginning. Not when I pushed first and she pushed back. I knew Faith was a defensive person. And after Finch I just helped that defensiveness along until she... I keep forgetting it never happened.

_Lately you make me weaker in the knees  
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me  
Take me away to places I ain't seen  
They say you've got a hold on me:  
And I won't disagree _

she has no idea what she does to me. What her voice or those sexy dimple do to me. Dawn thinks I got it bad. Yep. I got it real bad.

_Rock-a-bye my baby  
Don't be blue tonight  
Oh I'm on my way  
And I'm gonna make it right _

But I'm perfectly fine with having it bad for her. And if she... I won't be able to move on. Not completely. Sure after a short while I'll find somebody else but I'll never love them because they aren't her.

_Cause I've got the feeling  
You'll be needing love  
And of all the lonely hearts  
You're the one I'm thinking of_

she's always in my thoughts. And no not all of them are of the sexual nature but quite a few are. But there are thoughts of a future with her. Maybe I have a chance as long as she continues to do that beautiful thing she's doing right now. Breathing.

_I've been told it's gonna take an iron hand  
To break the mold and stand above all of the rest _

she doesn't exactly wear her heart on her sleeve. And I don't want to change her but I want to break her defenses. I don't want her to be guarded around me.

_Lately you make me weaker in the knees  
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me  
Take me away to places I ain't seen  
They say you've got a hold on me:  
And I won't disagree _

she means the world and more. And Julian has already stolen my heart. Its been about three days since he arrived and saw his sister taken. But he was so calm. He actually calmed us down. Its been a few hours since we got her back.

_I'll be thinking of that evening  
When there's nothing for me to do  
And I'll be wondering if by some slim chance  
You've been wondering too _

I just hugged him. I was surprised when he let me. I figured he'd be guarded like his sister. But he let me and I was glad. Dawn just looked at me and whispered:

"Those two are going to have you wrapped around their fingers." she said. She's confident that Faith will be fine. I wish I shared that confidence. She looks bad. I'm looking at her now. I hate seeing her like this. Her eyes slowly open.

"B.." I barely hear it.

"I'm here." I say reaching for her hand.

"Is...i...s...sh..." I stop her. I know what she's askin.

"No. she isn't." I say. She looks at me.

"We...we'll get 'er." she says squeezing my hand.

"I know." I say. She smiles at me dimples and all.

_Lately you make me weaker in the knees  
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me  
Take me away to places I ain't seen  
They say you've got a hold on me:  
And I won't disagree_

Dawn's words come back to me. And I have to say she is absolutely right.

Ok so this was a short chapter. The songs are Savin me by Nickelback and I Wont Disagree by Kate Voegele. She flippin rocks!! review please.


	18. I Love You B

Faith pov.

Its dark. I know I'm not where I should be. But I'm where I'm supposed to be.

"Hey princess." I hear. I turn and I recognize a face I've never seen.

"Father." I say. Everybody has this vision of what the devil should look like. But so far all the ones I've seen are wrong. He's the male version of me. Like, an Adonis or something.

"Its good to see you." he says with tears in his eyes. I nod.

"Likewise." I say. We stare at each other for a moment.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,  
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,  
May you never take one single breath for granted,  
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed, _

"I've missed you so much." he says huggin me. I know it should be uncomfortable or awkward. But it aint. "I was so angry when they took you." he says and I notice he's cryin. He pulls back and looks at me. I have his eyes. I know I said he's a male version of me but that's what draws my attention mostly. He smiles gently strokin my cheek.

"You're not supposed to cry." I say and my voice cracks. Lets out a laugh/sob.

"You've made me and you're mother so proud." he says cryin harder.

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. _

"How?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"We've been watching you. Everything you overcame. Everything you went through, it made you so strong." he says.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"You're mind. This is real though. I wanted to tell you to hang on. Don't quit. I know you feel like you belong somewhere else and you're right. Its just not with me." he says.

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance. _

"You don't want me home?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"Trust me sweetheart, that's not it. I want you and you're brother and sister home more than anything. But you'll come when its time. Not before then. Right now, you're son needs you." he says.

"But he-" my father cuts me off shakin his head. Images start to flash as he touches my cheek.

-Julian runnin towards me smilin. "mommy look!" he yells huggin me.

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
Never settle for the path of least resistance,  
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin', _

-Julian lookin up at me. "Mommy, I don't want you to go away." he says. I wipe his tears.

"I'll be home soon. I promise." I say.

_Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. _

-me standin at an alter lookin at some girl smilin. I can't see her face but I see all my family cryin. I'm smilin with a few tears comin down my face. I look down at the ring bearer and it doesn't surprise me its Julian. "You look good mom." he says. He's about eight by now.

_I hope you dance...I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance...I hope you dance.  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.) _

-me holdin my wifes hand into the hospital. "Its ok baby. You can do this. You're gonna be ok." I assure her.

"Mrs. Lehane, you're daughter is almost here." the doctor says.

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. _

-Julian walking across a stage in his cap and gown getting his diploma. Then steppin up to the microphone to give his valedictorian speech. At the end he sends a shout out to his family. "I owe everything to my family who pushed me during my early years of school. My parents, Faith Lehane and Buffy Summer-Lehane. Thanks moms." he says. I look over and smile at Buffy and our daughter.

_Dance...I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance...I hope you dance.  
I hope you dance...I hope you dance..  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.) _

-this is the most important one. My family and I, everybody, sittin at a table enjoying each other's company. Laughing and joking.

My father pulls his hand back and I look at him.

"You gotta live. If you want all of that, you gotta go back." he says.

"But I'm not dead." I say furrowing my brow.

"You are baby girl. You're mother and I love you. Keep them all safe and we'll see you when the time is right." he says. Things around start to fade.

"Dad!" I yell tryin to catch him before he fades away. "Dad!" I yell. He looks at me. "I love you guys too." and I do feel that love for them. But its apparent the world needs me more.

"Clear!" I hear. I take a deep breath. "We got her!" one of the doctors says. I can hear yelling outside the room. Its mostly B. They wont let her in. I look to one of the doctors who smiles at me before removing his mask.

"Dad.." I croak out. He smiles warmly at me and so does one of the nurses with dark eyes and hair.

"You're ready." they whisper before I fall unconscious again.

Buffy pov.

I don't know what happened. I was sleeping by her bed like always then a shrill sound filled my ears. The doctors rushed in and started performing cpr and doing everything they could to save her. They kicked me out of the room. I wanted to be in there. I needed to be in there. But they wouldn't let me through. I became frantic and started yelling. Wanting to be in there with her. The nurses tried to keep me calm but no such luck. Soon Cordelia and the gang come in. She asks me what's going on and I tell her and she and Wesley start trying to get into the rooms as well. I don't calm down until they let me see her. She's sleeping. She's peaceful. But she scared the shit out of me. I leave the room quickly, to give her family time first. When they all leave, with Julian, I go back inside. She has her eyes closed so I grab her hand and lay my head on my arm face down. I feel her tug on my hand and I look up into her eyes.

"I love you B." she whispers.

So here is a quick update. The song, is I hope you dance by lee Ann womack. I actually almost cried writin this chapter because of the emotion behind the song and I happened to be listenin to it. Anyway review and let me know what you think of this chapter. 


	19. No Matter What

Faith pov.

"I love you B." are the first words I say to those green eyes. Her eyes widen and she looks shocked and..hopeful.

"Y-you do?" she asks. I nod.

"Yeah, I do. I always have." I say. She looks a little stunned but I'm not backin down. Life is to short to not take action. Then a smile slowly spreads across her face.

"I-" she's cut off by Cordelia running in the room.

"Thank goodness you're up! I'm really sorry to interrupt what looks to be a serious moment but Julian really needs to see Faith." she says.

"Bring him in." I say. She nods and leaves the room. I look at B and give her a small smile.

"I love you too." she says. Guess she wanted to get that in the open. "God I love you, and you scared me." she says cryin a little.

"Sorry." I say brushin some hair outta her face. She leans into my touch then towards me. "Whoa, calm ya nerves B, I'm not goin nowhere. Save the kisses for later." I say. She pouts a little and Cordelia comes in with Julian who's cryin on her shoulder. "Hey what's wrong?" I ask as she hands him to me. He lays his head on my shoulder but holds her hand.

"You." he says calmin down a little.

"What about me?" I ask.

"You're sick but auntie Cordy say you gonna be ok but you still in the hospital." he says.

"Your auntie Cordy is absolutely right. I feel better already." I say. He leans back.

"You're not sick no more?" he asks snifflin. I shake my head.

"Nope. I feel great." I say.

"He was really worried. And earlier when they wouldn't let us see you..." Cor trails off. I nod understandin.

"I'm fine now guys, really." I say. She nods but I don't think she believes me. Julian is lookin at me like I'm a puzzle he can't figure out.

"You're different." he says. I furrow my brow.

"Whattya mean?" I ask.

"You're strong." he says. I smile at him.

"I know. I'm a slayer remember I told ya that." he shakes his head.

"Uh uh. I mean...like uncle Angel. You're real strong." he says.

"Sweetie I'm not a vampire." I say. He shakes his head.

"No mommy, you strong like him. Not a vampire but almost like it." I furrow my brow.

"You mean like a demon?" Cordy asks.

"Yeah. What auntie Cordy say but you're good too." he says. Then he says those words I heard earlier. "Your ready." he says. I look at him for a minute before I realize what he means. I'm ready. Whatever power I'm supposed to have cus'a who I am, I got it. I'm ready to embrace it. He smiles at me. "You gonna beat the ugly lady up mommy?" he asks. I nod.

"Yep. I'm gonna get her." I say. He smiles and gives me a kiss on the lips before hoppin off the bed and pullin Cordy away. He stops beside Buffy. He looks up before kissin her on the cheek.

"Don't hurt my mommy." he says seriously.

"Julian!" I scold.

"Huh? Oh sorry Buffy. Now c'mon auntie Cordy. You promised me ice cream!" he says pullin her outta the room behind him. She chuckles shakin her head.

"You two be good." she says. "I've got a date." then she's gone. I look to Buffy.

"Sorry B." I say. She shakes her head.

"Don't be. He just wants to protect you. Its cute." she says. "I'm sorry." she says. I know why she's apologizin.

"What's your name?" I ask. She furrows her brow.

"Buffy. Or in your case B. why?" she asks.

"Who told glory I was the key?" I ask.

"Riley."

"So why are you apologizin for somethin you had nothin to do with?"

"Becaus-"

"Don't. I'm still here. He tried to get rid of me and it didn't work. I'm not going anywhere. For along time. I have to much to live for." I say. And its true. He tried to get me down but, it aint gonna work.

_I ain't dead (nah) I ain't done(nah)  
I ain't scared(of what), I ain't run(from who)  
Still I stand (yeah)  
No matter what pimpin here I am  
no matter what  
I ain't break(never), I ain't fold(never)  
They hate me more(so?)  
Yeah I know  
But here I go  
No matter what shortie, here I go  
No matter what shortie _

"Alright." she says. I nod at her.

"Now, when the hell can I get outta here?"

Fred pov.

Cordelia shocked us all that day Faith was taken away. She took on the role of parental figure to Julian. And he took to her instantly:

"_Julian?" she called him. He looked at her._

"_She took my mom away." he said looking at the door. Cordy nodded._

"_Yeah but we'll get her back. Don't worry sweetheart." she said. He nodded._

"_You're auntie Cordy?" he asked tilting his head to the side. She nodded. "Mommy told me about you." he said. She smiled and knelt in front of him. He looked at her before hugging her and crying.:_

its hard to believe that this is the girl that was deemed a bitch in high school.

_It's been five years since Ive seen her face  
She's the holy ghost lost without a trace  
And now were left with the what ifs  
It's been five years since she left for LA  
She's an angel with a dirty face _

but I feel like maybe they didn't really know her. Like they made assumptions. They have no idea what her home life was really like. The shadow she lived in.

_And it seems to me  
She's a causality of all the pressure  
That we put on her  
And now we've lost her for good _

her parents wanted a perfect daughter. She had to be popular, she had to do this and that. Then the people at school and anyone else in her life expected it. She told me about herself one night.

_It's such a shame shame shame  
That our homecoming queen  
Was a lot like you and a lot like me  
And she never walked on water  
Guess no one really saw her _

believe it or not her first real friend was Faith. Not Angel, not Wesley, not the cordettes or the gang. Faith. She saw her. She didn't care about all of that. She would call her out and showed Cordelia how to love Cordelia.

_She was so adored by everyone  
When it came to looks she was next to none  
But loved partying and having too much fun  
Then she hooked up with the wrong someone  
And he promised everything under the sun _

she's been beautiful all of her life. She's always known it. The problem? She thought that was all she was. Beauty. A physical attraction. She loved Xander and when he kissed willow, she felt like even beauty wasn't enough to please anyone. That she needed to be more. She needed to become what her parents and grandparents wanted. So she became even more of a bitch.

_And it seems to me  
She's a causality of all the pressure  
That he put on her  
And now we've lost her for good  
It's such a shame shame shame  
That our homecoming queen  
Was a lot like you and a lot like me  
And she never walked on water  
Cause no one really saw her _

and what do you expect right? Everybody always said she was a bitch. Everybody only ever expected her to be a bitch. So she was. And it amazes me that they hated her for meeting _their_ expectations that _they _set.

_It's such a shame shame shame  
That our homecoming queen  
Had a lot to prove and so many to please  
She's just somebody's daughter  
Just looking for somebody to love her_

I wish I'd known her back then. But then again part of me doesn't because I love the woman she is now. Because somebody dropped the expectations. I would have if I had the chance.

_Well I never knew you  
Wish I could've saved you  
From losers that drained you  
Before you got strung out  
With so much potential  
How could you let us down  
It's such a shame shame shame  
That our homecoming queen  
Was a lot like you and a lot like me  
And she never walked on water  
Cause no one really saw her  
Shame shame shame  
That our homecoming queen  
Had a lot to prove and so many to please  
She's just somebody's daughter  
Just looking for somebody to love her  
She's just somebody's daughter  
Just looking for somebody to love her_

It's such a shame shame shame...  


but that's alright. She's doing wonderfully now. She's finally at the point where she doesn't care about stupid expectations and she knows she's more than a face with a wonderful body and no brain. I must admit, she's a really good actress because when I first met her I thought she was indeed another air headed cheerleader. But she's proved me wrong then and now she's surprising me everyday. Everybody has expectations of ms Cordelia Chase, I do too. But all I expect is for her to be herself. No matter what.

Another update...that was quick! But seriously this popped in my head and I decided to type it before I forgot. The first song is the chorus to no matter what by T.I its off his paper trail album I think. Not sure. The second is homecoming queen by hinder. Review please.


	20. Trapped In The Hospital Room

Hello peeps. Yeah it took a few days but I was having a little difficulty deciding if this was going to be a song less chapter or not. Finally I'm adding a song then I needed to find a good one and what not but enough excuses! Here's the chapter. 

Faith pov.

She's lookin at me like I've grown three heads.

"Faith you can't leave. You were t-t" she can't even say the word.

"B, I'm fine. Trust me." I say. She shakes her head.

"No Faith, you need to stay put. You're not fully recovered." she says. I take her hand in mine.

"Buffy, I get it. You're worried. But I'm fine. I mean, look at my face." I say and she finally notices there aren't any bruises. She looks a little shocked.

"How di-" she starts.

"Its parta who I am. My dad is the devil and my mom is an angel. I'm...different." I say. She just looks at me.

"Your mother is an angel?" she asks and I nod. "And your father is the devil?" another nod. I look at her and actually giggle a little.

"Damn. Not only are me and you polar opposites but I'm a walkin contradiction!" I say. She giggles a little herself. We calm down after a few minutes then I turn serious again. "Seriously Buffy, I'm fine." I say. She still doesn't want me to leave.

"But Faith, you don't get it. You've already died once!" she says.

"So have you B. if you hadn't we wouldn't be having this conversation. Lets make a deal, if I get hurt, even if its a small cut, I'll rest. I promise. But if I can make it through the rest of the day, without anything goin wrong, they you just chill out. Deal?" I ask. She thinks it over.

"If you break a nail..." she trails off.

"Slayers honor." I say. Its sweet and all that she's worried but I'm fine. She shakes my hand and goes to get the doctor. They come back in and the doctor smiles at me.

"Hello Ms. Lehane, how are you feeling?" he asks. Somethin is off bout this dude.

"Like I wanna go home." I say. He just offers me a charming smile. He is kinda cute I guess. I give him a smile. Complete with dimples.

"Ah, I understand Ms. Lehane, but I'm afraid we have a few tests. We need to figure out how you're healing so fast." he says.

"Alright, if I stay for the tests and everything checks out, then can I go?" I ask hopefully. He thinks it over.

"If you check out just fine, then we can't keep you here." he says. I nod. "Alright ma'am. I'm going to go get a nurse to take you downstairs for testing. Just hang tight." he says.

"If everybody here is as cute as you, I'll even consider stayin." I say. "Don't get no ideas and send somebody cute though." I say quickly. He just smiles and leaves the room. I look at B whose frownin. oh. Jealous.

"I'm going to let you get ready for...testing." she says. I grab her hand as she's getting up.

"Tell me ya didn't feel that?" she looks at me.

"What?" she asks.

"You didn't feel that presence?" I ask. I'm shocked. I mean, even if she was a little jealous, then she'd still be able to feel a mystical presence. Right?

"No Faith. I didn't feel anything." she says jerking her hand away. I hop off the bed.

"B, there's somethin bout him..." I trail off.

"Then why don't you ask for his number and take him out to dinner?" she asks a little sharply.

"Buffy will you stop bein jealous and chill!" I exclaim. She looks at me a little embarrassedly.

"Sorry but I can't just over look the fact you were flirting with him not even thirty minutes after you said you loved _me._" she says. I offer her a smile.

"I do Buffy. I love you. But I do what I gotta do ta get ta people. If I gotta flirt a little then I'll flirt. I'm sorry for doin it in fronta ya." I say. She looks at me for a minute before sighin.

"I'm sorry I just...i don't want to.." I can feel what's comin next. I gotta stop her. I just hope she don't take this the wrong way. But she will.

"B, you can't lose what you don't have." I say. Her face changes. "Yet!" I say. "You don't have me yet. But when this is all over, maybe we could, go to dinner or somethin. Ya know get ta know each other?" I ask. She nods with a small smile.

"Sounds good." she says. But she don't like it. I can like, feel it.

"Look Buffy, as much as I'd love ta be with ya now, we can't do that. We got a lotta shit we need ta handle, Glory, I gotta go back to LA, Julian needs ta be in school, I got a company I need ta learn ta run, shit like that. So as much as its obvious we wanna be together, we gotta wait." I say. "Wait ya do wanna be with me, right?" I ask quickly. Her eyes widen.

"Yes! I do but I can see what you mean. Not only that but we need to learn to really trust each other and..." she sighs. I nod.

"Yeah, its gonna be a long hard process til we finally become a couple or somethin, but I think it'll be worth it." I tell her. She nods.

"Yeah. It will be but...why can't we just jump into things? Or...or why can't things leave us alone so we can have our time?" she ask. I smile a little.

"Life for us don't work that way. But Buffy do me a favor." I say. She nods. "Don't just like... don't sit around and wait for it to happen. If ya get a chance to date or somethin like that, take it?" I ask. She looks at me.

"No." she says. I sigh.

"Buf-" she cuts me off.

"Don't Buffy me. You said you love me, I can tell you mean it. Good, I love you too, and I get that we have to wait, I completely understand that, I can deal with that. But what I can't deal with is you telling me to go ahead and date while I'm waiting. I'm not going to date somebody else knowing that you and I have a chance. If you want to, which considering how busy you're going to be I doubt it, go ahead if you can. But don't expect me to take it lightly. If you date in LA, please make sure whoever stays there. I will fight for what's mine." she says firmly. I raise an eyebrow. Fight for what's hers. "Your heart Faith. I'll fight if I have to because if refuse to let some guy or girl come in and risk it." she says.

"B-" she stops me again.

"Faith, try all you like, but I'm not going to date anyone who isn't Faith Lehane." she says. I nod realizing that she's not going to give in to this.

"Alright Buffy. Will you go get Wes?" I ask. She nods.

"Yep." she says happily. She stops for a minute and hugs me very very quickly before letting go. I smile and shake my head lookin in the closet ta see what kinda clothes they brought me. I hear the door open and turn back slowly.

"Hey Wes I just wa-" but it aint Wesley. Its beefstick.

"Faith." he says. I look at him before smirkin.

"Beef stick. How's it hangin?" I ask.

"Good. Thanks for askin. How does it feel to know Buffy doesn't love you?" he asks. I smirk and walk towards him.

"How does it feel to know she hates you?" I whisper in his ear before lockin the door. This should be fun.

"Its not bad. Because I know what she feels. You, you're under an illusion that she cares about you. Did you forget the way she put you in a closet after you begged and pleaded? Did you forget that she stabbed you and took eight months out of your life?" he asks. Then he lets out a laugh. "You don't deserve her love." he says.

"And you do?" I ask in return.

"More than you ever will. You don't even deserve to breath the same air as her." he says. One song pops into my head.

_I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank  
But lean a little bit closer  
See that roses really smell like boo-boo-ooo  
Yeah, roses really smell like boo-boo-ooo  
_

ha! I almost laugh out loud.

"Can I ask you a question Riley?" I ask. He nods.

"Did you forget you were in a room with a psycho?" I ask and in a flash I have him tied to a chair.

"W-what are y-you doing?" he asks. I laugh.

"Don't worry Riley, when I'm done you won't have too far to go!" I say happily. Oh yeah, time for some fun with beefstick.

Just a short update. The song is the chorus to Roses by Outkast. I know they wrote it in reference to gold diggers but hey, the chorus can relate to anybody who thinks their better than somebody else. Oh and how do y'all feel about Buffy's reaction? Review please. 


	21. Goodbye Mom

Faith pov.

I'm standing here lookin at a terrified Riley. He's trembling. Poor animal.

"W-What are you g-g-g-gonna do to me?" he asks. I smirk.

"I'm gonna hurt you without sayin or doin anythin to ya." I say. He stares at me with wide eyes.

"H-h-how?" damn this guys bout ta piss his pants. And he wanted B to love him. If he's this terrified of me, how the hell did he stand around B? I just raise an eyebrow and shrug. I grab his eyes and hold his gaze. We stare at each other and I notice he's startin to sweat. I sit down on the side of my bed and just chill. I keep my smirk planted firmly on my face as he stares into my eyes. Reachin deep inside and starin at my soul. He can pull his gaze away and leave the room when he wants, I aint gonna stop him. But he doesn't. He keeps starin, and he's seein. What I went through. What he caused me to go through. The way she broke my bones constantly reset them. Only to re break them. And the way she poured shit into my wounds. And having them healed. Never lettin me bleed to death. Never lettin the pain end. No sleep, no peace, no quiet. Just my screams, her laughter, her taunting. But I can't do this to him. I close my eyes and sigh. When I open them again he's lookin at me like I'm some kinda...somethin. Not too sure what though.

"Get out." I say and with a flick of my wrist the door is open. Holy hell! I could get used to this.

"But w-" he starts.

"I'm not gonna kill ya. But I'm warnin ya, you might not wanna let B or nobody see ya." I tell him. He just quietly leaves the room.

"_**Hello Faithy."**_Now isn't the time for figments of my imagination to taunt me._**"Oh but Faithy, don't you miss me?"**_It asks. I sigh and shake my head._** "Come on, don't give me the cold treatment. You can tell me what you're thinkin. I won't betray you like everybody else will. I told you in the beginning I hated you**__!__**"**_It exclaims.

"G'way mom." I say

_I don't know who to trust  
No surprise  
Everyone feels so far away from me  
Heavy thoughts sift through dust  
And the lies _

"_**But you know I'm telling the truth. I never made you think I cared. Not like they're doin to ya."**_why the fuck am I listenin to her._**"Cus ya know I'm tellin the truth."**_she says. I sigh_._

"Aren't you dead? Don't you have some poor burnin soul in hell to torment?" I ask

_Trying not to break  
But I'm so tired of this deceit  
Every time I try to make myself  
Get back up on my feet  
All I ever think about is this  
All the tiring time between  
And how  
Trying to put my trust in you  
Just takes so much out of me_

"_**I missed my little girl." **_she lies.

"Not your little girl." I say. She sighs happily_. _

"_**I know!" **_she squeals.

_I take everything from the inside  
And throw it all away  
'Cause I swear  
For the last time  
I won't trust myself with you _

"What do you want?" I ask.

"_**You know she doesn't love ya right kiddo? Don't look at me like that. I'm just tryina save ya a little heartbreak." **__well that's encouragin._

_Tension is building inside  
Steadily  
Everyone feel so far away from me  
Heavy thoughts forcing their way  
Out of me___

"Will you leave me alone?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"_**Oh, but your the one who hasn't let go yet princess." **_the fuck is she talkin bout.

"Yeah I have. I let ya go years ago." I say. She just scoffs.

"_**Honestly, Faith, do you think I believe that bull? Your the one who still dwells on it. Ya let the past break ya." **_that...aint...true.

_Trying not to break  
But I'm so tired of this deceit  
Every time I try to make myself  
Get back up on my feet  
All I ever think about is this  
All the tiring time between  
And how  
Trying to put my trust in you  
Just takes so much out of me _

Every time I attempted to trust her, or somethin she did, I got hurt more.

"_**You're gonna have to move on. Don't forget, it'll give ya strength, but ya gotta move forward." **_she tells me.

"_I don't need to do anythin." I say confidently._

"_**If ya wanna leave that emotional stand still ya do." **_she don't know what she's talkin bout._** "Yeah I do." **_she tells me.

_I take everything from the inside  
And throw it all away  
'Cause I swear  
For the last time  
I won't trust myself with you  
_

"_**You're meant to be alone ya know. Not supposed to love. Only good people can love. You? You're nothin. You're the result of a broken condom. I didn't want ya. Nobody does. Not Angel, not Cordelia, not Julian, and sure as hell not Buffy." she says. I just smile.**_

_I won't waste myself on you, you, you  
Waste myself on you, you,  
You_

Ill take everything from the inside  
And throw it all away  
'Cause I swear  
For the last time  
I won't trust myself with you 

"Bye mom." I say and she just starts to fade away. I'm done lettin her control me. She's dead, I'm not gonna let that bitch try and ruin me from the grave. I'm done with her.

_Everything from the inside  
And throw it all away  
'Cause I swear  
For the last time  
I won't trust myself with you, you, you _

I take a deep breath and turn to see the nurses entering.

"Aite, lets get these tests over with." I say. One thing at a time Faith. You can do this. One thing at a time.

Short update I know. Review please.


	22. Look After You

Faith pov.

She's not takin this well. Like I knew she wouldn't.

"Faith, you can't do this." she tells me.

"But I need to B." I say. She shakes her head.

"Then I'm comin with you." she says. I shake my head and sigh.

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate _

"Buffy, I need you here. I understand you're worried but don't be. I'm gonna be fine, as long as I'm there alone. If somebody is with me, I'm gonna be more worried about them than fightin, I wanna bring ya, I do, but I can't." I tell her. She looks at me with those big green eyes

"But Fai-" I stop her.

"I want you to help protect Ju Ju bean." I say.

_Oh, oh,  
Be my baby  
Ohhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you _

"But whose going to protect you?" she asks.

"B I don't need protection. I'm an adult, I'm a slayer." I say. She shakes her head.

"You can't handle this alone. Slayer or not." she says. I smile.

"Yeah, I can." I tell her. This has been going on for bout 20 minutes. No yes no yes no.

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down _

"Bu-" I'd be annoyed if I didn't think it was so sweet.

"B, what are you so worried about? I'm gonna be fine." I say.

"How do you know that?" she asks me practically in tears.

"Because you're here and this is where I wanna be. With you and Julian." I tell her. That has got to be the sappiest shit I've ever said. I'm losin it here.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my Baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you  
_

"Why can't we all just wait? We can come up with a plan a-a-" I stop her.

"We don't have time for a plan B, she'll figure it out and she'll come for the real key." I say. "I'm not going to let anything happen to any of you." I say.

_If ever there was a doubt  
My love she leans into me  
This most assuredly counts  
She says most assuredly  
_

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
After You  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhh _

"_There's no talking you out of this, is there?" she tries. I shake my head. _

"_Nah." I say. She nods. _

"_Be careful. Please." she says. I nod._

"_Always." I say._

_It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's mine is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own _

I hug her. I let her hug me back tightly cus she needs this comfort. Its obvious. And if I'm honest, I need it too. I trust B. I know that with her, I don't need to feel suffocated. I know that once this is all over, we can try to be an us instead of just friends. I know she's got my back.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you _

I pull back and look at her. I'm goin to Glory. I'm tellin her I'm the key and I'm gonna let this happen. But I'm gonna make her chase me a little. I don't have to worry about anybody else. They're protected. I made sure of that. So she's gonna chase me until tomorrow when I stop runnin. And I'm gonna fight her. Or I could kill her today but somethin, in my gut, is tellin me she won't die today and it'll be a waste of energy. So I'm gonna wait til its time.

"I'm gonna go talk to Julian." I tell her. She nods.

"Ok." she says. I nod and walk upstairs. He agrees with Buffy. He wants me to stay.

"Hey little man." I say. He smiles at me and runs straight over.

"Hey." he says. I tickle him a little and toss him on the bed.

"You remember what I told you?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah, don't stake uncle spike when he starts tellin stories later. Don't tell auntie Cordy her make up doesn't match before her date tonight and no magic. Gotcha." he says. I nod.

"Aite." I say. I give him a kiss on his forehead. He stares at me.

"Mommy, I don't want you to go away." he says cryin. I wipe his tears.

"I'll be home soon. I promise." I say. He nods. "Love ya kid." I say.

"Love ya too." he says. I get to the bedroom door on my way out and realize, I knew that I was gonna say that to him. I remember seein this replay. I turn and look at him with a smile. I'm gonna be alright. This is gonna work out. And I couldn't be happier.

Another short chapter. Review please. And the song is look after you by the Fray


	23. Its Over

hey guys its been a few days eh? Well its finally time for an update. I feel I should warn you I was playing minority report before I wrote this so most of the moves are from the game. Hehe. Anyway review please. 

Faith pov.

Today is the day. Finally, all this shit ends. It ends here. In a few minutes I know she's gonna be here. And I'm gonna be ready for her. Hell yeah, this bitch is goin down!

"Well if it isn't the psycho slayer." she says walking in.

"If it isn't an herbal essence commercial." I reply. She growls.

"I'm a natural blond." she says. I smirk.

"Really? Me too." I say. Hey if she can lie so can I. She doesn't say anything to that. She does smile though.

"You're nothing. You know that?" she asks. I nod.

"That's your opinion. From what I've seen, I'm a lot though." I reply. She shakes her head.

"You know, originally, you and I were going to be together. Your father promised you to me." I scrunch my face up.

"Ah gross. You're like, a million and eight years old." I say. Her eye twitches. "And even if that isn't true, we never woulda worked out." I say shruggin. She cocks her head to the side.

"Yeah? Why's that?" she asks.

"I don't need nobody crazier than me." I say sweetly. Then she lunges. I duck and catch her with a knee to the stomach. I hop back because I know this chick is sneaky. She straightens herself out.

"Ya know, that hurt." she says before rushing at me. She catches me with a right jab and I counter with a gut punch and a quick elbow to the temple. I don't let up though. She starts to stand and I hit her with a hard uppercut. She falls back and I lung toward her ready to smash her face in with my fist but it connects with concrete. Shouldn't that hurt? Oh well. She sends a snap kick toward me but I grab her leg and swing her around into a wall. She grunts under the force before picking herself up. Oh shit. I think I made it mad. She lets out a battle cry and goes to town on my face. Punches, kicks, scratches. I don't even know how she moves so fast. Finally I fall from the force of a left hook. I'm down, dizzy, and in a lot of pain. She comes and stands over me.

"Do you give up?! Answer me you fucking bitch!" she yells yankin me up by my hair. I just smirk.

"Well hello sexy." I say. She throws me into a wall. Ouch.

"You wanna know a secret Faith?" she asks. I grunt. "I know you're not the key." she says. Huh? "Oh yes, I know. I found her. Sweet little brunette girl er...what's your name sweetie?" she says to some crying girl. "Tell her your name." Glory growls out.

"Faith...please." I hear. Shit she's got Dawn. I clench my teeth.

"No sweetie, that's Faith...you are..." she trails off. I notice her yank Dawn's hair back.

"Dawn!" she yells out crying. Fuck I gotta do somethin bout this.

"Where's you're sister?" I gasp out. She whimpers.

"L-looking for me." Dawn says. Glory looks confused.

"This isn't you're sister?" she asks yankin another ch-

"You bitch let her go!" I yell. She's got Cordy. She's fuckin up big time.

"Faith I'm sorry. We were just going to get some food and it was daylight I thought she was safe." Cordelia cries.

"Don't sweat it. You hurt?" I ask blinkin. She says no and I feel hate and anger coursin through me. And its all directed at Glory. Then I feel somethin else. Like all my wounds and shit are closin up. I look at my arm and they are. I feel myself healing.

_I'm a soldier, these shoulders hold up so much,  
they won't budge, I'll never fall or fold up  
I'm a soldier, Even if my collar bones crush or crumble,  
I will never slip or stumble  
I'm a soldier, These shoulders hold up so much,  
they won't budge, I'll never fall or fold up  
I'm a soldier, Even if my collar bones crush or crumble,  
I will never stumble  
_

Glory looks shocked and I smirk.

"What's wrong baby? Don't wanna play no more?" I ask. She growls out and tosses Cordy and Dawn to the side. I blow her a kiss and its on. She doesn't even have time to know what hit her when I catch her with a side snap kick followed by a hammer uppercut. I turn and hit her with a backhand and she goes flying. Fuckin right. I rush over to her quickly. Hell I didn't even realize I had moved. I kick her in the face quickly before lifting her up and slammin her back into the wall repeatedly. She gets a good kick in and I go flyin clear across the little room or whatever we're in. She grabs Dawn quickly and rushes off. I look at Cordy and she looks terrified. I rush and untie her.

"Go home and get everybody." I say. She nods but looks out at the minions. I smile and my eyes light up a bright golden color and they're frozen in place. I'm startin to love these damn powers. When I turn back to her she's already runnin so I take off that Dawn and Glory went. I bound up stairs four at a time. That can't be normal. Anyway I reach the top and Glory just slapped the dog spit outta Dawn. The she fuckin transforms into that doctor. I knew somethin wasn't right! Ha!

"Hey! Didn't ya mom tell ya not to hit girls? 'specially when they look better than you?" I ask. He turns to me quickly.

"Fuck you." he spits out. I smile.

"Ohh...as temptin as that sounds sexy, somebody I know might not like that too much." I say. He lunges at me. What is it with this woman and lungin. We fight. Jabs, uppercuts, kicks, he bit me. Finally we step back pantin. He's worn the fuck out. I cock my head to the side. "What's wrong?" I ask. He turns to Dawn and I notice a knife he has. I reach out and grab his arm causin him to stab me. But the force of his arm sent me back, him with me. And we went over the edge. Why is it that when I get stabbed, I always gotta fall or jump from somewhere too damn high. I hear Dawn yellin on my way down. And I hear a scream. I know that scream. Cordy's back with everyone. I feel myself hit the ground and sonuvabitch. This shoulda killed me. But I'm alive. Just havin trouble breathin.

"You bastard!" I hear. Guess what's his face didn't die. Until I _hear _his neck snap. And its not the usual snap. Nah, this is loud as hell like somebody broke a stick or somethin. Sounds nasty. Wait. Whoa. The hell?! I'm not fuckin breathin! But I'm not dead! I can't be! _Do it. Faith fucking do it!_ I'm yellin in my brain. _Hurry the fuck up before its too fucking late! _I yell at myself.

"**Ya gotta stop this princess." I hear.**

"**I'm not tryina do it dad." I say. I can still hear everybody around me. Cordelia is telling Buffy to go look for Dawn. Now she's up running. Good. She needs to get her sister while mine is panickin. **

"**Actually Micheal, I called her here." I hear a woman say. I turn and damn she's beautiful.**

"**Alice, the girl needs to go home." my dad says.**

"**Who are you?" I ask. She smiles. oh.**

"**Your mother." she says. I offer her a wide smile.**

"**Nice to meet you." I say. She smiles back. **

"**Yes it is. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I'm proud of you. And to let you know, not only did you stop the world from being overrun this time, but had she succeeded, there would be a battle in the future. The first evil would be back on earth. You just stopped that." she says. I hear my dad laugh proudly.**

"**Well I'll be a monkey's brother! Our little girl stopped two apocalypses at once!" he says. I give him a look**

"**Shouldn't this like piss you off. Bein satan and all." he nods.**

"**It does in a way. I wont get my chance yet. But it also makes me proud to know that my daughter saved the world." he says. I smile back at him and hug them both.**

"**Thanks. I gotta go guys." I say. They nod sadly.**

"**I want a wedding invitation. And I want to meet Julian. an-" dad cuts my mother off.**

"**Alice, the girl has to go. She'll call us when the time is right." he says.**

"**But mi-" I let her fuss more.**

"**Bye." I whisper.**

Breath. I tell myself one more time and I take that breath. Its calm. Not like you'd expect. I didn't suck it in and start coughin or nothin. Cordelia gasps.

"F-faith?" she calls I turn and smile at her.

_Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
Till my legs give out, cant shut my mouth.  
Till the smoke clears out, am I high? Perhaps  
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse.  
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
Till the smoke clears out, am I high? Perhaps  
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse._

"Yeah?" I reply. She smiles then glares.

"You scared the shit outta us! We we're giving you CPR for like ten minutes and then we stopped." she says. I smirk.

"Really? Somebody was givin me mouth to mouth eh? Who's the lucky devil?" I ask. She smirks back.

"That'd be me." she says. My face changes to that of a horrified person.

"Ah gross! You're like...like...gross!" I say trying to sit up. She just laughs at me and I hear the ambulance in the background and look around. I see Julian holdin onto Buffy and Dawn's hand. "Can I get a hug little man?" I ask and he runs to me.

"You wasn't breathin." he says wipin his eyes.

"Don't worry kiddo, I'm not goin anywhere for a long long time." I say. He nods and moves away when the paramedics arrive. They check me out and take me to the hospital. I can't help but smile when I realize that this shit is over.

So guys, I was thinkin, maybe one more chapter? Or do you want this to continue on past that? You're choice...let me know. Btw, the songs are soldier and till I collapse by Eminem. Both are on the Eminem show cd. Review please!


	24. Is It Really Over?

Faith pov.

I feel fuckin great! It's been almost a year since the whole glory thing went down and I couldn't be doin better. Today I go back to sunnydale. Me and B have been talkin as much as possible between work and Julian for me and school and slayin for her it hasn't been much. I've been in LA getting used to my new powers and let me tell ya. These things are fuckin bad ass! No lie. I can fuckin fly! Can you believe that?! But I'm still tryina control em cus I don't wanna get all pissed one day and set somebody on fire. But that's ok. I'm workin on it. Now to my little man. Julian. He's been the best son a woman could ask for. I don't have too many problems outta him. Just the typical ones...can I stay up for five more minutes...but I don't like vegetables...uncle Spike attacked my stake. You know stuff like that. But I mean. The kid is strong. And energetic. Cordy jokes that he's really my biological kid who got trapped in another womans body.

"Mommy?" I hear. I turn back and glance at him quickly before puttin my eyes back on the road. I don't think life can be better. I even tied up some loose ends with G-man. He's not so bad.

"Yeah kiddo?" I answer. Chasity chose to go home and live with our real dad. She pops in to visit from time to time and tell me how the hell kingdom is. I know, strange ass conversations. But eh, she's happy now. Even got a boyfriend. Some kinda half breed demon. Ya know, hell aint like people describe it. Its actually pretty...calm.

"We gonna go see Buffy and Dawn and Mrs. Joyce?" he asks. He's missed them even though he gets to talk to them almost every night. When he was stayin with Cordy cus I couldn't watch him some nights, she'd call them so he could sleep better. He even stayed with Damien from time to time. They're pretty cool.

"Yeah, we're gonna go see them." I say. Nobody acknowledges the fact that he's my brother like nobody sees Damien as his brother. They see me as his mother and Damien as his uncle. We couldn't be happier with that. I even got in touch with Kennedy. She doesn't like me much. That's cool cus I gave her what she needed. Her money til she's eighteen and now, we have nothin to do with each other. Julian even called her the mean lady who don't know how to smile.

"We gonna stay?" he asks. I nod.

"Yep, this is gonna be our new home." I say. He's been lookin forward to comin back since we left.

"Wadda about grandpa?" he asks. I nod. Ah, Wesley. He came with us. Well ahead of us really. He said he wanted the house set up so when we got here, we'd be good to go. He wanted to stay but the want to come with was greater so he tagged along. It caused a real big argument about who was stayin and who was goin. I kept tellin them that, sunnydale is gonna have two slayers so it won't need a whole demon fightin team. But they wouldn't have it. So Angel opened up another Angel Investigations here in SunnyD and Cordy and Wes and Fred are gonna run it. Gunn decided to stay with Fang along with four recruits.

"He's gonna meet us at the house with Auntie Cordy." I say. He nods. I knew as soon as Cordy and Fred said they were comin, that I had a team. Of little Faith's at my call. Hehe. But I won't do that. Cus y'know we're all equal in this.

"Uncle Damien gonna visit soon?" he asks. I nod. Damien was one'a the recruits. And believe it or not Kennedy and her girlfriend were two more. She said just cus she hates this family doesn't mean she hates this world so she's gonna do what she can to help save it.

"Yeah. Maybe this weekend." I say. He nods sittin back in his car seat.

"We there yet?" Spike asks. You know I forgot he was here.

"No." I say. He lays his head against the window again and starts to nod off. "We'll be there in two minutes." I say. He nods. I look over at the time. 1:30. No wonder he wants to hurry up. He wants to be back in his crypt before two o'clock. "I still can't believe I bought a car like this cus'a you." I mutter. I got a car like Angel's. Special glass so my vampire buddy over here doesn't go up in flames.

"Yeah yeah." he says waving me off. I pull up outside the cemetery and look to him.

"You got it?" I ask. He takes his finding Nemo blanket that Julian gave him to keep him safe and nods.

"Got it luv." he says. Then he opens the door and takes off. He races to his crypt and he's inside with only a little smoke comin from him. But I wait. Finally my cell rings and his face pops up on the caller id. "I'm inside. See ya tomorrow." he says before hangin up. I close my phone and throw it over into the passenger seat.

"Ready to go see Buffy and the gang?" I ask. Julian nods his head happily and we drive off. He won't see the official scooby gang til tomorrow probably but he's excited nonetheless. We pull up outside Buffy's house and I can't help but think this should be good since we're a week and a half early. I get out quietly and get him outta his car seat. He hates the thing cus he says big boys don't need him. And I tell him big boys need to be safe. So he pouts and deals with it. We get to the front door with him holdin my hand tightly and I can't help but look at him and smile. Finally someone opens the door and I think I just went deaf from Dawn's squeal. She hugs me quickly before pickin Julian up and rushin inside. I step in behind her and she yells up to B that she has a visitor. I'm standin in the living room lookin around then I feel her walk down and I turn and see her smile. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger until she squeals like Dawn did and rushes me. She hugs me really tightly for a minute and lets go but I keep my arms around her. She just lays her head on my chest and sighs.

"I missed you." she says. I nod and kiss the top'a her head.

"Me too B." I say. She pulls back a little.

"Does this mean we can start now?" she asks hopefully. We've been talkin about it on the phone and we've made progress. We know a lot about each other and there is some trust startin to peak its way through. Now all we gotta do is the datin thing.

"Yeah. Wanna go out with me sometime?" I ask boldly. I'm not scared of her rejectin me cus she's made it pretty clear that aint gonna happen.

"Yes. What took you so long to ask?" she asks playfully. I shrug.

"I dunno." I say. We sit on the couch for a while before I notice movement in the corner of my eye. I turn my head and can't help but laugh at the sight. Julian covered from head to toe in flour. Buffy looks over and giggles. "What happened?" I ask. He walks towards us.

"The flour was jealous of my new outfit." he says offering me a cookie. "So I had to beated it up and turn it into cookies." he says. I chuckle and take the offered cookie. He looks at Buffy and cocks his head to the side. "Cookie?" he asks offerin her some'a his cookie. She nods and takes a piece.

"Thank you kind sir." she says. He smiles and sits on the floor in front'a us. Pretty good cookie if I say so myself. After a few minutes in silence Buffy sits up. She looks at Julian and picks him up quickly tickling him. He's gigglin and squirmin and she's laughin up a storm. Finally he breaks free and laughs.

"Betcha can't catch me." he says runnin towards the back yard. B looks at me and we get up and chase him. We spend a few hours runnin around in the backyard with him, Dawn, and even joyce. Just havin a good time. Tonight we decided not to patrol and did somethin better. Me, B, and Julian sat in the backyard where we got a clear view of the sky and B talked to him about the stars. B's a lot smarter than she acts. He listened fascinated and I just watched. After they quieted down we all just sat there. Him leanin with his head on her chest sittin in her lap and her leanin against my shoulder. She sat up and smiled at me and I smiled back.

_And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times  
It's you, it's you, You make me sing  
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything_

we stared at each other for a few minutes before Julian yawned. He just snuggled back into Buffy more and drifted off to sleep. And that's how we stayed for a while.

So that's it. The story of Faith Lehane. Not the adventure you'd make a movie about but I think it was worth tellin. Got the kid, got the girl, got the family. So is my story over? I think so.

"Faith hurry up! We're gonna be late for Julian's first day of first grade!" B yells from my kitchen. Ah who am I kiddin? My story's just beginning.

so...review please! The chorus of the song was Everything by Michael Buble


	25. Hell Nah It Aint Over

and dude's it's an update! No, forreal. Review?

Buffy pov.

I didn't know I could be this happy just by being around one person.

"Faith?" I call. She mumbles something shifting so she's facing me instead of away but she's still completely asleep. "Baby?" I try again. She sort of snorts. She's so adorable when she's sleeping.

"Whodunit?" she says. She opens her eyes blinking a few times. She looks around the room and smiles when her eyes settle on me.

"It's Buffy if that's what you were asking." I say with a smile. We've been together for a little over two months and I don't think I could be happier.

"Mornin B." she says in a sexily sleepy voice. Her voice gets so much sexier when she's tired or really relaxed because that accent of hers comes out strongly.

"Morning." I say. I only woke her up because Julian will be in here in a few minutes to wake us up and I wanted to At least get a few kisses in. She smiles seeming to know what I'm thinking before leaning in and brushing her lips over mine quickly.

"Mommy! Gross! Mommy!" I hear. I turn to see Julian running to the bed with his hands over his eyes. "Are ya done makin kissy faces at each other?" he asks.

"You're gonna wanna make kissy faces at somebody one day." Faith says reaching over my body to lift him onto the bed. He settles himself between us and uncovers his eyes.

"No way. Girls are germy and have cooties." he says with a firm nod.

"But I'm a girl." Faith says. He looks at her like she's grown another head.

"No you're not. You're a mommy." he says before hopping back over me making his way out the door. A few seconds later he's running back through to kiss us on the cheek. "Mornin mommy and Buffy." he says before exiting the room again.

"Did he just...did he just say I wasn't a girl?" Faith asks after a few minutes. I nod sadly.

"Apparently mommies aren't girls." I say dramatically. She shakes her head.

"Wow." she says getting out of the bed. I almost groan at the fact that this is the first time we've shared a bed and it ends so quick. Well not quick it's just...she didn't touch me at all last night. Not even a goodnight kiss. And this huge king size bed made for plenty of non-touch-y space between us. She disappears into her bathroom for a few minutes, I'm assuming to brush her teeth, before coming back out. I move to get out of bed but she stops me.

"Whoa B. You stay there, I'm just makin sure he's dressed and everythin so he can go out with Cor and Fred today." she says. I nod and she leans over to kiss me again but I pull back before she gets too close. She raises an eyebrow.

"Morning breath." I explain. She nods understanding before leaning back in and kissing me quick and hard. When she pulls back finally she kisses me again quickly and smiles.

"See ya in a few." she says before leaving the room. I know I must look dazed but have you ever kissed Faith? Didn't think so. I get up and make my way to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I can't help but smile then frown at the memory of our first date. Cordy insisted on a first date but Faith fought her on that.

"_Faith, it's just gonna be the four of us." she complained._

"_Cor, you and Fred had your first date alone, let me and B do the same." Faith said. I could tell she wasn't annoyed, just amused._

"_Cordelia let them have their date. Maybe next time we can double?" Fred tried._

"_No! She needs me!" Cordelia practically shrieked. _

"_Cordelia, while I'm sure your concerns are placed in the right place, please allow them to have this. Alone." Wesley said not looking up from the picture he was helping Julian color._

"_Bu-"_

"_How bout we make a deal?" Faith said. "If I need any help, tips, advice, anything, I'll call you." Faith said. Cordelia thought it over._

"_If she breaths wrong..." she trailed off. Honestly I wasn't the least bit insulted. I'd be the same if it were Dawn._

"_I promise. Now we gotta motor, movie starts in 10." Faith said and we were on our way._

We went to the movie and had a great time. Well we did until we got back to my mom's. We crashed on the couch downstairs and I asked her to open up to me. She had gotten quiet on the way there and I didn't know why but she looked like she was in a lot of pain. I just wanted to make it stop. And I did what I could...

Faith pov.

So me and B got the house to ourselves now. B. Buffy Summers. What a woman she is. She's...perfect. And I don't mean that in a bitter way. I mean she's perfect for me. Like our first date. That was great just cus I was with her. I don't think it woulda been any better with anybody else. Well it was good until we left the movie theater...

"_That movie was alright." she said with a shrug. I scoff._

"_B, that was one'a the best movies in the past decade. Fuckin action, all that good shit! It was perfect!" I said happily. Until I saw this old lady walkin home. She looked so sad. Reminded me of my grandmother. It was just the way her face, even with the clear depression, was so warm and made you feel like you could trust her. All my excitement died and I sorta...just thought about my grandma. I didn't know her long but it was long enough. Me and B followed her and Buffy didn't even realize it. I told her I just felt like takin a different route and she went along with it. I could feel the worry fallin off her but she just let me handle this for the moment. I just wanted to make sure this lady made it home safely. And she did. When we got back to B's we sat on the sofa and she let her worry become verbal._

"_Faith? Baby, what's wrong?" she asked. I looked at her and tried to shake it off. _

"_Nothin B. I'm five by five." I replied with a fake smile. She wasn't gonna let it go._

"_Faith..." she trailed off with a sigh._

"_Look B, tonight was kick ass. We definitely gotta do this again sometime." I said tryina get up. She didn't try hard to keep me where I was. She just laid a hand on my forearm and I stared at it. Then I looked to her eyes. There wasn't nothin but love in em._

"_Faith, you...you might not wanna tell me now, but when you are, I'm willing to listen to anything. Whatever you have to say, just tell me." she said. And I sat back down and stared at my hands. She didn't say anythin. Just waited patiently. _

"_I was... I just... I miss my grandma. And my dad. Fuck, I miss my family! No matter how fucked up and bad or how much they hated me, I miss em." I said. She laid a hand on my shoulder and didn't say anything. Just looked at me with understanding. And I did somethin I wasn't too happy about. I broke down and told her everything about my past. _

_**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry **_

that night she cried with me. Like, she let me know that it was alright to feel somethin like that. It felt normal and I was alright with cryin. And it made me feel so much more for her. I smile quickly and turn the radio on makin my way back to my room. B looks up from the bed and smiles. I offer her a bright smile back and hold out my hand to her. She gets up takin it quickly and we sway softly to the music.

_Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low  
Put some music on that's soft and slow  
Baby we ain't got no place to go  
I hope you understand_

_I've been thinking 'bout this all day long  
Never felt a feeling quite this strong  
I can't believe how much it turns me on  
Just to be your man  
_

she wraps her arms around my neck and mine rest on her waist. She looks straight into my eyes and reaches up to kiss me softly.

_There's no hurry  
Don't you worry  
We can take our time  
Come a little closer  
Lets go over  
What I had in mind_

_Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low  
Put some music on that's soft and slow  
Baby we ain't got no place to go  
I hope you understand _

she rests her head under my chin and snuggles in a little. I smile and wrap my arms tightly around her.

_I've been thinking 'bout this all day long  
Never felt a feeling quite this strong  
I can't believe how much it turns me on  
Just to be your man  
_

_Ain't nobody ever love nobody  
The way that I love you  
We're alone now  
You don't know how  
Long I've wanted to _

she pulls back a little and I stare into her eyes and lip sync the next part. Yes, I actually know this song. Shut up.

_Lock the door and turn the lights down low  
Put some music on that's soft and slow  
Baby we ain't got no place to go  
I hope you understand  
_

I smile and spin her then dip her and she lets out a little squeal when I pick her up completely off the floor. I flop on the bed on top of her and smile softly and kiss her forehead.

_I've been thinking 'bout this all day long  
never felt a feeling that was quite this strong  
I can't believe how much it turns me on  
Just to be your man  
I Can't believe how much it turns me on  
Just to be your man _

she doesn't say anything so I don't either. I'm still new to this whole relationship thing, well a little new, but I'm thinkin it might be alright to just sit here and relax sometimes.

Alright people who rock so much, this fic is gonna be on hold for along while but I wont forget it. As long as you review! i almost forgot, i don't own the songs, the first would be... tonight i wanna cry by keith urban, i love that song, and the second is your man by josh turner, another one i love.

* * *


	26. Uh Oh

Its real. Yes this is an update. It's been a while yeah? Sorry bout that, but review? please?

* * *

Faith pov.

Man, these past three months have been....hectic to say the least. Me and JuJu bean have settled in pretty good. Well better. B has been....Buffy has been amazing. She's been there for me one hundred percent and I couldn't ask for better. Cordy and Fred...they've been doin good. Well they were doin good. Until Cor got drunk one night. Now she doesn't know which way is up or down. And I wish I knew exactly how to help her. I mean, sure she says I help by just bein there and not havin nothin to say but..... I don't feel like it is.

"Hey babe." I greet B. She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Hey, you ready to go?" she asks. We're on our way to Juju's school for a play his class is doin. I nod and we make our way out. I hope she's gonna be ok.

Cordelia pov.

Boy have I messed up. In a major way too. A few weeks ago, I went out drinking with some friends from work. You'd be surprised at how many demons actually help us. Anyway, I went out drinking with some people from work and got really really intoxicated. And I did something stupid. I made out with some guy and it probably would have gone farther if Fred hadn't come in when she did. She was so calm but so hurt. I swore to her I'd never cheat but look! And I feel guilty. Boy do I but.... its not for kissing him. It's because I feel something for him. But I know I love Fred on some level but I feel strongly for him too. This whole thing.... I've barely slept, I've been jumpy. Fred is handling this so much better than I am. She smiles at me, she talks to me, she still treats me the same. Just not as her girlfriend anymore. After it happened she told me I needed to figure out what I wanted and that she wouldn't push me for an answer. But I've walked a run in the carpets here.

_I cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant  
And now I can not stop pacing  
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing  
_

I've gotta weigh the pros and cons of this. I love her but how? Am I in love with her? Why did I kiss him? Why am I so attracted to him? Is it just physical or something more? WHO is the something more for? It's a lot

_Cause I cannot stand still  
I cant be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening _

but James, the guy, and Fred have both given me time and space. Neither bring it up they just continue to work. He likes me. I know that much but... I just wish I could make myself stop feeling this. It's so conflicting right now.

_This is over my head but underneath my feet  
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat  
And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy  
_

but I have to do this. I should not have kissed him. If I hadn't, none of this would be happening. But... I have to admit I already liked him. He's.... I don't know but I did. I do. Faith's been helping me by listening to my rants but.... I'm still lost. I'm stuck. I had a dream about them both last night. It started off with Fred and I on a date and having a great time. We were dancing, laughing, just being young and free....

_Cuz I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real, and just a dream  
What is real, and just a dream  
What is real, and just a dream_

but then it switched and I was with James. And it was so..... odd. But now, I'm alone and it's the perfect time to think. Who can I depend on? James or Fred?

_Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again  
I don't want to run away from this  
I know that I just don't need this  
_

whose been there? Which one could I trust with my life? Whose been nothing but supportive? Both of them. Who can I see myself with along the line? Who wont betray me? Who?

_Cause I cannot stand still  
I cant be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening _

do I really need to ask myself that? Don't I already know the answer?

_Cuz I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real, and just a dream  
What is real, and just a dream  
What is real, and just a dream _

I know all these answers. I never wanted to hurt anyone. And I know there's a chance I'll regret this down the line. Following my hormones instead of my heart. But thinking about the future isn't really going to help me. I need the one I want to be with now. And I know who that is. And that person is standing in the office smiling.

"Hey Cordelia..." they start.

"I'm sorry, but..." I begin. I have to hurt someone. And I'll hate myself for it. But I have to do this.

Faith pov.

The little rugrats were pretty good. I'm still not sure what happened but it was interesting.

"Mommy!" I hear. I walk over and lift my little actor up and kiss his cheek. "Didja see me mommy?!" he asks excitedly. I nod.

"Sure did. You were great. Know who else saw you?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Dawn, Buffy, and Joyce." I whisper. He smiles brightly and looks over my shoulder. I let him down and he rushes over to them.

"The excitement is infectious isn't it?" I hear from beside me. I turn and see a lady, can't be more than twenty six or so, smiling over in the direction of a little girl. I smile and nod.

"Sure is. He's so proud of himself." I say motioning over to JuJu bean. He really is.

"I know, my daughter has been so excited these past few weeks." she says with a smile. "I'm Trina." she says. I nod and shake her hand.

"Faith." I reply. I try to remove my hand but she holds tight. I glance at my hand then to her face and she just smiles and winks. I look over to Buffy whose not smiling anymore. Uh oh.


End file.
